


Dreaming Tranquil

by CileraDragonfang



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Art by Author...so far, Cliffhangers, Dreams, Elfy Egghead Mage, Explicit Language, Gallows Humor, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Lyrium Poisoning, Modern Girl in Thedas, Nugs, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rite of Tranquility, Spoilers, The Fade, now with fanart!, so many feels!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2018-08-11 01:58:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 37
Words: 56,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7871176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CileraDragonfang/pseuds/CileraDragonfang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nina finds herself in Thedas under the weirdest of circumstances and in the absolute worst place: Kirkwall. Four years later she arrives in Haven just before the Breach and the destruction of the Conclave. She came with the intent of trying to find a way to stop Solas from bringing down the Veil but she needs his help to solve her own problem before she can convince him to not destroy his world...and hers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Only Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever solo fanfic and the first one I've ever posted. Let me know what you guys think and what I might be able to approve upon. :-)

Nina stood in Haven and looked up just in time to see the explosion and Breach occur. She knew it was going to happen soon, although the date wasn’t exact. However, she had waited nearly four years for this to happen, and she would have bidded her time for as long as she needed. She knew Solas would be there and she really needed a Somniari to help with her little problem.

She knew she wouldn’t have been able to stop the Conclave or the Breach. Knew she wouldn’t have been able to find Solas beforehand. And she knew no one would believe her even if she spoke to anyone. Which she didn’t.

For the last four years, she had learned the common tongue and any others she could, as well as read and write a few of them. She hadn’t spoken to anyone since shortly after she arrived in Thedas, however. Everyone believed she was struck dumb due to trauma. So she just listened and learned, waited and traveled.

As soon as 9:41 Dragon approached, she made her way to Haven and waited.

\--

As the panic ensued around her and soldiers gathered up arms, she continued to draw in her sketchbook. Nina always had it with her, it never leaving her side and always in her bag when she wasn’t using it. She had sold her drawings and paintings over the years to afford her travels. Now she had a new book to start fresh. The easiest way to get her point across was to draw, since she couldn’t or - more accurately - wouldn’t speak to anyone. She also knew Solas couldn’t turn down good artwork or a puzzle. She just hoped it would be enough to get him to help her.

She tried to think of the cinematics of the game. Things that would be easy to pull from and put to paper, but it had been four years since she played the game and the images weren’t coming easily. Also she didn’t know who would end up being the “Herald of Andraste”, so she decided to put off the major scenes for another time. Nina just started drawing the Breach as it appeared in the sky: looming, threatening, spitting demons around every turn.

Nina figured she should be panicking along with everyone else, at least to keep up appearances, but they generally left her alone and never graced her with too many looks on a regular day. Today was no different. Tucked in a little alcove just outside of Haven’s walls she watched as the soldiers ran towards the Temple of Sacred Ashes – what was left of it anyway – and the person who would ultimately be the saviour of Thedas. ‘ _ God, I hope they aren’t an asshole,’  _ she thought.

A few hours later she saw Cassandra and Solas, along with two other soldiers, coming into Haven with the Herald, taking him off to the dungeons under the Chantry.  _ ‘Well, at least I know it’s a him. Human, tall, dark hair. Hmm…. I can work with that.’ _

Nina knew she wouldn’t be able to talk to Solas, let alone probably see him the first three days of this whole adventure, but if she had anything that was a virtue left it was patience. All told it took a week before the beginning of the inner circle and the advisors got settled throughout Haven. The Breach was stabilized, the Inquisition reborn, and the ravens went flying.

Nina was worried at first that she would be under the scrutiny of Leliana. However, since she arrived before the Conclave and was in town for the explosion, she didn’t get interrogated like many of the others. That was the main reason anyway. She purposefully stayed far enough away from Cullen to keep him from recognizing her – if he even remembered. Josephine was all but happy to keep her own distance and was far too busy for the likes of her.

Haven was bigger than in game – which only made sense – but she could still find Solas’ cabin easily enough. Instead of initializing conversation, she opted to let his curiosity draw him to her. For nearly the entire week she sat on the rocks near the stairs, with her back towards his door, and drew colorful pieces that took on a more elven inspiration. Simple, dark lines swirling to create shapes of halla and wolves mainly. She never had the opportunity to draw this style much in the past, since it didn’t sell well, but she needed to make a statement. She didn’t know how long it would take, but she waited day in and day out drawing, sketching, painting. Sometimes she skipped meals, so absorbed in what she was working on.

“It takes great dedication and creativity to see the beauty in this chaos,” Solas said as he walked up behind her.

If she could have smiled, she would have. ‘ _ Hook, line, and sinker,’  _ she thought.

Nina still continued to draw pretending to be distracted, until he came closer and closer still, until he was looking over her shoulder.  _ ‘Well, if I’m going to say something, now would be the time.’ _

“Ma serannas.”

It took a moment for her to get it out. It had been a very, very long time since she’d spoken outside of the Fade. The words felt heavy on her under used tongue and came out barely a whisper.

“I am surprised by your use of Elvhen.”

She turned her head to watch him as he studied several more of the drawings she had laid on the ground, held under stones to keep them from flying away. When he got to the one she wanted him to see he paused, almost reaching for it before asking, “May I?”

She quickly turned her head so he could not look into her eyes. “Yes,” she replied in her whispered tone.

“What do you call this piece?” 

“Dreaming Tranquil.”

“While it is an interesting concept, that is an impossibility due to their disconnection from the Fade.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. Tranquil cannot dream much in the same way a Child of the Stone cannot. They, however, can think only in logic and survival, but they do not think in a way of emotions, art, or dreams in the way you and I would.” She could hear the sneer on his face without even seeing him. 

She turned fully to him and looked at him directly for the first time during the conversation. Her face was as emotionless as ever while she stared at him.

“I only drew myself,” she said as she pulled her bangs out of the way to show her lyrium brand to him.

His eyes grew wide and his mouth gaped slightly. “You are Tranquil?”

Nina dropped her gaze from Solas and contemplated how she would answer. What could she say that wouldn’t give away her origin or too much of her knowledge, but keep him curious? Solas thought everyone in this time was Tranquil. Disconnected from the Fade and from the magic that was so prevalent before the Veil. To have an actual Tranquil be more than what was assumed was enough to have him curious, but was it enough to have him look into ways of reversing it?

She did have advantages over Solas. One she knew what was going to happen over the course of the next few years. Although, she couldn’t use that knowledge to her benefit… yet. And secondly she didn’t have to school her features to pass a lie across or in tell half-truths. While Solas was very good at holding back while never truly lying, her expressionless face could hide anything she wanted. Until he found her in the fade that is.

She looked at him again, “Yes, I am Tranquil, in a sense at least.”

“How is that possible?”

“I would prefer not to discuss this here. My voice disturbs most…. and myself.”

“Ah, yes. Is that why you have chosen to stay silent since you have been here?”

She just stared at him and nodded.  _ ‘Agh. Didn’t I just say I didn’t want to talk?’ _

“Alright, would you like to come into my cabin and discuss this or did you have someplace else in mind?”

“The Fade.”

“Truly?” She could see the gears turning in his head as he taught about the concept of a Tranquil in the fade.

“Yes, if you can find me, we can speak there.”

“Will you not be here in Haven as you sleep? Simply conjure the form of the town in your mind and it will be easy enough for me to locate you.”

“It is complicated, but even as someone so in depth in fade knowledge as yourself, it will take some time to find my sleeping mind.”

“Very well. I will find you tonight…. if you are truly there.”

If she could have given him a flatter look than her already dull eyes were, she would have done so. He might not believe she was capable of dreaming, but he could clearly see evidence that she was more than able to have some form of emotions. She let her artwork do the talking for her, and that was the intent.

She nodded and continued working on the piece in front of her as Solas walked away. She could feel his eyes on her back throughout the rest of the day and knew he was definitely curious enough to find her now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ma serannas - My thanks, Thank you


	2. Emotions Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina and Solas in the Fade

Nina knew it would take time for Solas to find her in the Fade. Looking for someone in the dreaming is about knowing the will of the person and - roughly - where they are located. Solas did not know either about her.

She was trapped in a nonmoving bubble within the Fade. No matter how she tried in the past, it would not budge and it would not break. It held all of her dreams and emotions in a prison, unable to escape from the weight of what was done to her.

The only good thing about her sleeping prison was that - though she couldn't leave - demons could also not get in. That did not stop them from trying. From torturing her with the images too many to count over the years. Many tried to break the barrier that held her. Neither rage’s fire, despair’s ice, nor pride’s lightning did any damage. The first few months she cowered and shook when they scraped against the barrier, waiting for the day their power would be too much. Then she taunted them, then begged them, then simply watched as they grew tired of a fruitless endeavor.

Spirits also came to her. Compassion tried to bring her comfort, while Justice tried to break the barrier himself. Nina spent many hours with Learning trying to teach her the languages of this world. Many came and spoke to her, many tried to free her, and all of them failed.

The one spirit that stayed with her the longest was Hope. There were many times that Nina sent Hope away, but it always came back and always kept Nina moving forward with her life. She could have easily ended her suffering quickly and painlessly with a sharp dagger or many poisons, but her Hope always begged her to hold out and wait.

So she did. Through contact with the spirits and sheer determination - to not go crazy, trapped inside a stone like body - she waited and waited the four years it took her to get to Haven and one step closer to freedom from her prison.

When Solas did eventually find her - two nights later - she crumpled to her knees. A mix of hysteria and happiness made her knees weak and her mind spin. He was standing by Hope. Its small frame seeming like a child if only in stature next to Solas. The spirit that was probably her only friend ended up being his guide and her saviour.

“S..sorry,” Nina got out between laughs and tears. “It has been far too long since I've been able to talk to anyone other than a spirit or demon.”

“This is truly an interesting situation.”

“I can assure you “interesting” fades after a few years. I'm glad I could be strange enough for you to want to find me.”

“You have Hope to thank for that. It was the one to bring me. It would have taken me far longer to find you alone.”

“Hope, if I could hug you... I would.” She sobbed as she stood.

Nina walked to the edge of the barrier and placed her hand against it. A familiar practice, Hope did the same. It was one of the few things that brought her comfort while here and if - when - Nina escaped from this place she would definitely hug Hope and do anything the spirit asked of her.

“Just keep trying. That is all I ask of you.” Hope replied to her inner musings.

“Done.” Nina smiled at Hope, so big it made her cheeks burn in the process.

“This...situation, as you call it, how did it come to happen?” Solas asked Nina while looking curiously at the barrier.

“Ah, that is the question isn't it?” she laughed. “Well, it happened not long after I came to Kirkwall. The Templars believed me to be a mage and decided to put me through the Rite of Tranquility. It didn't….go the way it's supposed to, and I ended up as a shell in the waking world and in this...bubble here in the Fade.”

He quirked an eyebrow, “There are many things missing from that story.”

“If you have questions, ask. I will not lie to you, but I will not answer if I so choose.”

Solas stood looking at her appraisingly for a few moments. Then back the the aura that was her prison. He took his time deciding wether he wanted to continue and had Nina holding her breath by the time he choose to speak again. 

“Fair enough. You said they believed you to be a mage. I take it you are not….Why would they not simply test you to see whether you had magic beforehand?”

“That would be because how I made my way into Kirkwall. They took me straight to the Circle and performed the Rite that same day.”

“I take it you will not elaborate further on how you came to be there?” he said as he quirked his eyebrow again. Nina could see it becoming an endearing trait of his the longer he did it. 

“No.”

“Very well,” he huffed. “Did something happen in the ritual itself that caused this or something else?”

“Something else.” 

He sighed, “I will not be able to help you if you avoid every question.”

Nina could she the frustration slowly building in him. “I'm giving you the information I believe to be relevant to the situation. No more or less. I need your help to free me from this prison, not for you to ask me about what came before.”

“What came before could help with your release!" Throwing his hands up in the air exasperatedly he turned towards Hope - ever standing next to the barrier’s edge- and asked. “Are you quite certain this is not a demon trying to play at some game? A trick, perhaps?”

“Come closer and you will be able to tell yourself,” Hope replied with the smile on its face never slipping. It encouraged him to step closer to the barrier with the giddiness one would generally expect from a child.

Solas dubiously moved closer with his arm stretched out until he was able to come into contact with the barrier. He had barely touched it when his hand recoiled as if it had been burned. He stared at his hand in wonder waiting for whatever sensation he felt to pass. 

“What was that?” Solas asked Hope slightly taken aback.

Hope's smile widened in a way only a spirit could manage. “That was the physical embodiment of her emotions. They are trapped inside just as she is. Straining, pressing to get free, but the barrier can only hold so much back before some leeches out.” Hope tilted her head slightly, “I believe if we somehow destroyed the barrier her Tranquillity would be reversed, but that could also lead to other complications.” Only then did Hope's smile falter slightly.

“Complications such as attracting all of the demons in the area to me,” Nina interjected. “Or making me go crazy. Or even killing me,” she continued with a shrug. There really was no way of knowing what breaking the barrier would ultimately do to her sanity or the Fade once it came down. 

“What have you tried to do to break this barrier before?” Solas asked Nina directly now that he knew she wasn't a demon toying with him. 

“Honestly, everything we could think of,” Nina gestured towards Hope. “We have tried will, sword, claws...nothing has worked. Not even a dent or waver in the energy has appeared. I can't find any weak points from in here.”

“We haven't had a Dreamer to helps us, however,” Hope smiled again at Nina, trying to quiet her fears.

Solas was quiet for a time. Contemplating this enigma. He walked around the edge of the barrier. It was only a hundred feet in diameter. Nina watched as he reached out to touch it on several occasions, but stopped just short every time. Obviously thinking better of it. She didn't know what he would be able to do, but she knew if anyone could - or would - help her, he was the best choice.

She watched as several ideas were quickly dismissed from his mind as soon as they began. His brow would furrow and he'd hum to himself. Solas was so lost in thought it appeared he'd nearly forgotten the others were there until he finally spoke again several agonizing minutes later. 

“This will take some time. I'm not sure what caused this or exactly how to unmake it…..but I will look into ways to reverse it.”

“Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Nina dropped to her knees once more. Her hands pressed tightly to her chest trying to calm her heart and her breathing. “You have no idea how grateful I am.”

“As I said, this is interesting, and I've never been one to turn down a good puzzle,” Solas replied with the smallest smirk imaginable. “But….” He paused and her heart started to pound harder after just quieting it. Her eyes locked with his and she could see exactly then why he was known as a trickster god. His eyes gleamed with mischievous intent “I require more information about how this happened to you first.”

“Somehow I'm not surprised at that request,” She said as she flailed her hands upward. She slumped, shoulders sagged, and the press of her dread pushed down on her almost like a weight heavy enough to crush her beneath it.

What could she say or not say? How could she spin this without giving too much away? If she did give up _her_ secret, would she be able to keep the others? Did she want to keep the other knowledge to herself, or did she want to try and make the situation better for the Inquisition? Her thoughts began to spiral out of control. She thought she had all of this planned out beforehand, but being here made it hard for her to focus on anything other than _escape_. The weight of all her emotions pressed on her to the point she couldn’t help but lay on the ground and whimper.

Wisdom which was a rarity, but not completely unusual walked up alongside Solas. “I would refrain from pushing her too hard, too fast. The emotions you felt from the barrier are a thousand fold to her. You will break her before you have a chance to figure out what is going on.” 

“And speaking about her breaking is not helping keep her going either, Wisdom. You would think one such as yourself would know that,“ Hope admonished the other spirit slowly gliding to where the others now stood. Which managed to make Wisdom look slightly guilty. If you could tell emotions on an incorporeal, nebulous form that is.

Nina couldnt help but laugh internally and the older looking spirit being guilted by a child spirit though, and it helped with some of her turmoil.

“How long has she been in this state?” Solas questioned both of the spirits now beside him.

“I have been like this for four years,” Nina sighed.  “And I would appreciate it if you all didn’t talk about me like I can’t hear you.”

“Do not worry. You will be out of there soon and then we will bring justice to the ones who did this to you,” another voice entered the area. Its form took on more of a heavily armored warrior, poised for battle at a moment's notice. 

“Hello, Justice.” Nina waved slightly to the newly arrived spirit from her prone position on the ground. “Trust me, I will not have to lift a finger against any who did this to me. They are either already dead or on their way to being so.”

Solas quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing to that comment. However, before he could get back to interrogating her on her life’s story, another one of her spirit friends joined them: Learning

“I see you have attracted quite the following of helpers, da’lan,” Solas said as he looked at the growing party of spirits surrounding her fade prison.

“Yeah. They have kept me entertained or from going insane ….or taunting demons.”

A sharp burst of laughter escaped him before he was able to hold it back. “I believe taunting demons to be somewhat counterproductive to continued living.”

“Well, normally... yes,” Nina agreed.. “But it did lead me to find out that no physical spell or attack could break the bubble.”

They spent the night talking about what had been tried, she dodged questions or told half-truths, and Solas conferred with the spirits on what course of action they could take to free her once he got all he could out of her.

She dreaded waking the next morning to her shell of a body. More so than she could ever remember. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> da’lan - female small child


	3. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas POV

Obviously she was hiding something.

It’s so easy to see that she didn’t seem to be hiding that fact from him at all.

The question is what? And that _what_ was something he would figure out.

\--

Solas left Nina and the spirits in the fade not long after daybreak. Normally he was a late riser, when the time could be afforded, but it seemed his time was not his own for the foreseeable future. Although he preferred to keep busy doing something and at least this was something he had never dealt with before. Which was less of a rarity these days it seemed.

Being that close to the fade barrier was very disconcerting. The brief contact he had on it was enough to send his heart racing and his mind into an uncontrollable tailspin. It was like being surrounded by a thousand auras all at once. If Wisdom and Hope were correct – which he had no reason to believe false – that woman was remarkable to deal with the onslaught of emotions surrounding her. It’s possible that waking to no emotions whatsoever was the only reason she had been able to last as long as she had.

The morning air was cold and biting against his skin as he stepped from his cabin. He cast his warming spell once the chill woke him enough to feel slightly coherent for a conversation. When his bare feet and the tip of his nose and ears were no longer in danger of frostbite, he made his way down to the path from his cabin.

There was very little information that she was willing to tell him, so naturally he had to find other sources. He knew the Rite of Tranquility (a barbaric and completely insufferable act, in his opinion) was done to her in Kirkwall, so he needed to start with that.

He walked into the tavern. The smell of stale ale and stagnant air welcomed him, assaulting his nose before he was more than a foot into the establishment. Varric was sitting at the corner table, already scribbling words for what was no doubt his next book.

“Good morning, Master Tethras. May I join you?”

“Sure, Chuckles,” Varric replied with a tilt to his head. “Although, I am surprised to see you here.”

“And why would that be?”

“Well, for one, you aren’t normally awake this early. And two, I never took you for someone that would willingly walk into a tavern.”

“Under normal circumstances you would be correct...on both accounts. However, I require information,” Solas said as he sat in the chair across the table.

Flissa, in her patchworked skirt and barely there top, sauntered over to them almost as soon as he had sat down. “Hey there, love. Can I get you anything to eat? Maybe somethin’ to drink? I’m sure a nice ale would liven you up a bit this chilly mornin’,” Her waist cincher caused her to show more cleavage than necessary and she leaned closer to Solas that he was comfortable with.

“Some tea would be preferable,” Solas replied quickly.

Varric watched Flissa walk away, and then turned back to back to his work. “What kind of information are you looking for, Chuckles?”

“It is about a Tranquil from Kirkwall.”

“Now why would you want to know anything about that? Tranquil are...creepy. I’m not even a mage and I can tell there is something off about them.”

“Indeed.” Solas brought his hands up and tented his fingers. “However, she has approached me with a problem. I thought since we are not in the middle of any other pressing matters, I would try to help her.”

“The Breach doesn’t count as a pressing matter?” Varric replied as he looked up from his parchment with a look of confusion.

“Perhaps that was a poor choice of words,” he pressed two fingers to the bridge of his nose. It was still far too early in the morning for any of this. “What I meant was, since we are currently here in Haven, I could find no better use of my time.”

Varric placed his quill in his inkpot and sat back in his seat. After a long swig from his tankard, he leaned forward again and placed his elbows on the table. “Well, as I said, I pretty much avoid them. But I think I know someone you can talk to that might know more.”

“If you are referring to the Commander, I have already thought of that possibility. I was just hoping I would not have to approach him.”

“What? You and Curly not getting along?” Varric asked with feigned shock, lifting his hand to his cheek for dramatic effect. “Say it isn’t so, Chuckles.”

“It is not a matter of not getting along, Varric. It is more of a difference of opinion and personality.”

“Sounds like not getting along to me,” he said with a shrug. “But he really is the person you should be talking to."

“Then I will leave you to your work. Thank you, Master Tethras,” Solas replied with a slight nod as he stood from the table and turned to leave.

Varric called after him. “Hey, Chuckles. Out of curiosity, what is this problem anyway?”

“Since you had no information to give, I suppose you will never know.” Solas said with the smallest of twinges to his lips as he turned.

Varric laughed and then murmured, “Now I have to find out,” under his breath, but still well within Solas’ hearing range. Flissa approached once more with the tea in her hand and he just waved her to send it to the table. Varric may have need of it and he really did detest the stuff. He was off to speak to the Commander.

-

“Commander, I have a question to ask of you,” Solas said as he walked up to the training yard.

He could tell the Commander wasn’t too terribly busy at the moment, but the almost imperceptible stiffening in his neck was enough to show Cullen's disinterest in speaking with him.

Cullen sighed and turned away from the officer he handed his report of to. “What do you need, Solas?” he asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He must already have an incredible headache. The bags under his eyes aren’t quite as noticeable today, but the way he was squinting was enough to hint to sleep deprivation as the cause.

“If you are busy, I could return later,” Solas said as he stopped a few feet away from Cullen, gauging his reaction to his presence. “It is only a matter of curiosity.”

Cullen’s shoulders slumped a little, but he was still guarded. “No. I seem to be in a bit of a lull at the moment. We can speak while I do some of paperwork, if that’s acceptable?”

“More than enough,” he replied with a small nod and raised his hand, clearly asking Cullen to lead the way.

After opening the tent flap for Solas to walk in, Cullen sat at his desk and started sorting his papers into more manageable piles. His desk was already cluttered with missives and reports. Solas was amazed the Commander could get any work done with so little surface to work with.

After a few moments of silences, Cullen glanced up. “Are you here to actually ask me something or are you here for a debate? If it is the latter-”

Solas cut in, raising his hand in a placating manner. “As much as I do enjoy debating, Commander, I am not here for that." Solas waited for Cullen to ease up on his defensiveness a little more before continuing. "I am merely here for information about someone from Kirkwall.”

Solas watched as Cullen went back to writing. “I’ll answer if I can,” replied Cullen.

“There is a Tranquil here that says she was put through the Rite in Kirkwall. I was wondering if you remember the circumstances that put her into the position of being made Tranquil.”

“Honestly, Solas, there were many Tranquil in Kirkwall due to Meredith,” Cullen sighed as he put down his quill to rub at his irritated eyes. “I wouldn’t be able to know who you were talking about unless I knew what she looked like or even her name. If you could point her out to me or give me more about her background I may be able to fill in the details.”

Solas felt somewhat ashamed. He had never actually asked her name even with the hours they spent in the fade. “She said the day she arrived in Kirkwall the Templars took her directly to the Circle and put her through the Rite within the hour. Other than that, I do not have much more information to give.”

Cullen paled slightly. He remembered something. If the slight tremor in his hands didn't give it away, his eye quickly dilating would have. “She’s...She’s here? Why?”

“She is, but I cannot answer the other question. I take it you remember who she is now,” It was more of a statement than a question, but Cullen answered it anyway.

“Yes. By the time I’d heard about it she had already been made Tranquil. I looked into it and by all accounts she had just appeared at the docks. Out of thin air. She apparently showed up in the middle of a group of fishermen that were so startled they immediately called for the Templars.”

“Could she have fade stepped and no one noticed her prior?”

Cullen stood from his desk, back turned to him as if to shield some of the inner thoughts his body was betraying. “That’s what I thought too, at first, but it’s highly doubtful. They say she was sitting with a sketchbook in her hands when she appeared.”

“You seemed to be somewhat in shock that she is here. Is there a concern that I should be aware of?” Soaks asked trying to glean anymore information.

“No. I don’t think so anyway. She disappeared almost as quickly as she had apparently appeared. She escaped with several other mages only after two weeks of being in the Circle.” Cullen's voice had soften slightly at the end, putting more credence to the fact the Commander had known her during that time. 

Solas tilted his head wondering how much more there was to the story. Cullen was clearly leaving something out, but Solas continued with a more obvious question, sidelining that curiosity until later. “I am sure they left plenty of tracks behind when they fled. Could the Templars have not easily tracked them down with use of phylacteries?”

“We didn’t have time to look for them. The day after they left, Meredith called for an annulment on the Gallows and the city was thrown into chaos.” Cullen’s face was lined and grim. “Most believe that last escape was what finally pushed Meredith over the edge.”

“I see. Thank you for the information, Commander. I will leave you to your work and not trouble you any further,” Solas turned and left the tent without looking back. He would be surprised if Cullen was able to get anymore work done for the day after that conversation, but he deserved to be reminded of the atrocities he was a part of.

She just appeared? How was that possible? Even as a mage there was no way she could have fade stepped while sitting down and teleportation wasn’t possible. That could explain why they didn’t test to see if she was a mage, but it didn’t explain why they made her Tranquil.

Solas continued his internal musing while he walked back towards gates. Only as he reached the stairs did he realize Nina was sitting there, watching him come back from the training field. She looked at him, without breaking eye contact. Long enough that even he was starting to feel slightly uncomfortable, until she finally looked away and turned to leave.

He needed to talk to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this from Dragon*Con! You guys have a great Labor Day weekend!


	4. Curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diverting Solas' attention.

That was not a good look. She knew that look: curiousity. A curious Solas was a dangerous Solas, especially if it was aimed at her. Nina could see the gears turning and information trying to piece itself together as he slowly made his way towards her. _‘Dreading the Dread Wolf seems to be something that is going to be a common theme, I see.’_

Nina broke eye contact and started to walk away before he could make it to her, but she knew she couldn’t outpace him for long with her shorter legs. He had nearly half a foot on her in height, which meant longer strides. And it would look very strange and draw too much attention for her to sprint through the town in order to flee. Not to mention cowardly.

She had hoped to make it to the Chantry, or even the tavern, before he had a chance to catch up, but that seemed like wishful thinking at that point. Being in a public place, surrounded by people would hold off the interrogation she knew was coming. It was still too early to have many people - other than scouts or soldiers - on the streets but she continued to walk the snow covered paths and stairs through town regardless.

She sighed internally when he finally caught up to her near the large fire Varric was standing by. “Solas,” She wished she could put snark or bite into her tone and get it across to him. She suspected that he took it that way anyway, without the inflection, by the slightly smug look on his face. “Are you having a pleasant morning?” she asked in her monotone voice.

“Yes, it has been rather informative so far.”

“I am glad you were able to find it so.” Neutral was the best way she was going to get through this. Besides, he wouldn’t be able to tell if he was succeeding getting under her skin unless she started to talk too much...or stopped talking altogether.

“I am sure you know who I have been conversing with since you were watching me.”

“I am aware, yes," she wasn't going to deny watching him since they had that small staring contest. Which she lost.

“Your time in Kirkwall was very brief, yet it seems you were able to leave a lasting impression on the Commander. What did you do that makes you so hard to forget?”

“I assure you I did nothing out of the ordinary,” She realised that as they were walking Solas had been subtly guiding them towards his cabin and that just wasn’t going to happen. After the tavern and before they made it to the stairs, Nina turned left and made her way towards the Chantry instead. She would not be lead to his area to be in even less control. Solas followed if only to continue the conversation. _‘But if he is asking that question then he probably hasn’t found out everything about Kirkwall yet.’_

Before he could continue his line of questions, she cut him off with a raised hand. “I have relayed to you my discomfort of speaking while in the waking. I would prefer to stop now.”

“I would have guessed it would be easier to communicate here while you are not being overcome with emotions.”

“You would have guessed wrong. I still feel even while awake.”

If Solas didn’t put implied emotion into his voice or they didn't look him in the eye people wouldn’t know what he was thinking most of the time. Nina was beginning to love being able to get even a pure micro expression from him in the waking world. She counted his eyes widening a fraction and slightly downturned corners of his mouth in a grimace as a point towards her in the conversation.

“How is that even possible?” Solas was trying to look at her directly, but she would not turn nor stop walking to make it easy on him. She also refused to reply out loud. _‘One of these days he will realize to take the hint or he will push harder for answers.’_

As they had been walking, Nina noticed the Herald coming out of the Chantry and had slowly made her way in that direction while Solas was slightly distracted. _‘If anyone can get Solas’ attention off of me, it would be the bearer of His mark.’_

“Solas!” the Herald yelled as he spotted the bald elf and approached him. “We are headed to the Hinterlands in the morning. First light. Do you think you will be able to travel by then?”

“Yes, Herald,” Solas replied with a slight head nod. Only someone who was paying close attention to Solas would have realized he was irritated by the interruption. He never showed any annoyance this early in game.

“Oh, for Maker’s sake, don’t you start Heralding me too, Solas. It’s bad enough getting it from the rest of the town. I’m going to be traveling with you. You could at least use my name.”

The Herald wasn’t a bad looking guy by any means. He was six foot, maybe a little taller, with shoulder length black hair he kept pulled back in a low ponytail. His eyes were blue, but not in the piercing way Solas’ eyes seemed to be. They were friendly and inviting with obvious signs that he genuinely smiled a lot, if the lines in the corners were any indication. Nina had always thought the Herald would be young - which he was - but he was maybe mid to late twenties instead of late teens/ early twenties she assumed he would be.

He gestured wildly with his hands as he talked. If Nina hadn’t found it adorably cute watching him be so animated she would have found it extremely intimidating. The anchor - while not active - still glowed and the sickly green light reflected off of every surface it could. Multiple times while talking it was pointed straight at Solas and any normal person probably would have flinched in fear of being zapped by him. She could tell it was one of the many reasons the average person gave him a wide berth.

“My apologize, Trevelyan. I was only trying to maintain appearances while in public.”

The Herald seemed to only just notice Nina standing there. She had become so used to being invisible to most people that it didn’t bother her to be overlooked. He on the other hand looked somewhat ashamed that he hadn’t noticed her standing there.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Apologies to you, milady. I didn’t realize I was interrupting. My name is Jayson Trevelyan, and what might yours be?” Her basic green, lambswool dress lacked embellishments and kept everyone from confusing her as nobility. He didn’t reach for her hand to kiss it or attempt to reach for her in any way, which she was glad for, but he did turn on the charm just a notch and, if she could, she would be blushing.

She had kept her head down through most of the Herald’s talk with Solas, trying to hide away her blank face and eyes, but now that he was speaking directly to her she didn’t have a choice. She tilted her head up, but not fully to look him in the eyes, and introduced herself, “Nina Paquet, my lord.” She curtsied to him as best she could acting subservient, but it was a bit stiff.

She kept her hair in bangs for the express reason to cover her brand. It helped in fooling anyone who wasn’t a mage or templar up close, as long as she didn’t speak much - or at all - and she rarely ever looked anyone in the eyes.

Jayson didn’t have any armor on or weapons - other than a small dagger at his hip - to identify what type of fighter he was, but he clearly wasn’t a mage and she let out an internal sigh of relief that he might treat her normally. _‘At least until he found out I’m Tranquil…or from another world...with foreknowledge.’_ He, however, didn’t seem to catch that anything was wrong or out of place.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Nina. I guess I should let you two get back to your discussion. I need to make my way to the others anyway and let them know about the travel plans,” He turned to leave as he reminded Solas about their trip tomorrow.

Nina watched him walk down towards the tavern, before turning back to look at Solas.

“I suppose you will need to be packing for your journeys. I will take my leave as well.”

As Nina started to leave, Solas cleared his throat to get her attention. “We will continue this discussion when we return, Nina.” There wasn’t any budge in that statement.

At least she will have some time to work through some things before he got back.

She decided to take the other path, past the requisitions tent instead of backtracking. She made it down the stairs and noticed the Herald - Jayson - talking to Varric. However, the dwarf noticed her almost as soon as she looked at them. He didn’t say anything and turned his attention back to Trevelyan nearly as quickly, but there was something there that Nina couldn’t quite figure out. _‘Please don’t tell me I’m going to have to avoid Varric too,’_ she whined to herself.

She made it to her shared tent outside of the walls to pick up some snacks she had wiled away and made her way towards the small dock on the other side of the lake passed the abandoned cabin. She didn’t want to be around anyone else for the rest of the day. All she wanted to do was be alone, and draw, and NOT think about the horribleness that was on its way for just a little while. But mainly to avoid Solas until they left in the morning.

She was almost certain that it would take no less than four days for the inner circle and Herald to reach the Hinterlands, and no less than a week to do the bare minimum required to progress the story. Maybe more if he helped out with the refugees.

So, for no less than two weeks, all she had to do was avoid the advisors and come up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've managed to stay on track so far with my writing, so the updating will stay at once a week. 
> 
> There will be an update to the rating next week. It will be set to Teen at least due to some language. There maybe some major trigger warnings in the future, but it's still in the planning stage. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments so far!  
> You guys are awesome!


	5. Disposable Commodities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tranquil and Nina getting put to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to write another chapter today. Guess what that means... Bonus Chapter!  
> You guys should still get one this Thursday as well.

Tranquil are disposable commodities to be used in Thedas. That seems like an oxymoron but is completely true nonetheless. They can be kept in small, cramped quarters with little to no personal space and aren't body shy in the slightest. They don't need trinkets or fancy clothing to denote wealth or status. They do as they are asked or told (within some reason) and do not complain since there is no logical reason behind doing so when they can just get it done. They don't get sidetracked from their work by banter or wandering minds. They are unobtrusive and are some of the best secret keepers, since they don't really care what someone else does as long as it isn't harmful. And if something were to happen to a Tranquil, more people would be worried that the job stopped getting done and less about the potential loss of life.

Haven wasn't an exception to the rule even if Nina wasn't a _normal_ Tranquil.

Apparently looking like you were busy only worked for so long. As soon as the higher ups learned Nina hadn't been placed to do anything productive they quickly tried to find something for her to do. Tried being the operative word.

At first they placed her with the magical researchers. The few mages already in Haven were displeased by her and even the other Tranquil commented on her lack of usefulness. She wasn't a mage before and she was only in the Gallows for two weeks. And even though she had learned how to speak most of the languages in Thedas, she hadn't had the chance to learn to read most of them other than common. (Reading and writing materials were not that abundant in her little bubble in the Fade.) It didn't go so well, to say the least.

Then they tried potion making with Adan. Nina tried to tell them she had just as much knowledge about potions as she did magic, but they didn't listen. No one listens to a Tranquil.

Adan put up with her for all of a day before he sent her back to be repositioned yet again. The permanent scowl on his face almost threatened to turn to a small smile when she agreed with his rantings about her being, “as useful as a nug that couldn't be skinned or cooked.”

 _‘At least he listened when I said I didn't know anything.’_ she thought as she was shuffled back to the requisitions tent.

The next sent her to the kitchens, but the cook said she was just in the way and scarring the servants. The one after that sent her to the housekeeping staff with almost the same results. She was glad they didn't try to send her to clean privies before they sent her back. _‘Thank the Maker!’_

Being shuffled around constantly got on her nerves after a while. One afternoon she was standing quietly just outside the tent, looking like a statue gathering snow, when she overheard the perfect opportunity for her. They need copies of maps and didn't have enough people to do it. Not only did the requisitions officers in the surrounding areas need maps at all of the campsites, but all of the traveling scouts and soldiers needed updated maps to help stabilize the areas further.

Nina went to the requisitions table to ask for the job and once again wasn't even acknowledged as spoken, let alone having a preference of work. _‘It's like I'm a fucking Leper or plague carrier,’_ she tried to tamp down on her anger quickly and walked away. She surmised that if they didn't care if she spoke, they wouldn't care if she left without saying anything. They also wouldn't care if she just took one of the maps and walk off with it to start copying it.

All in all, it took around an hour to draw the basic online the previous map contained. She spent another two hours adding mountains, rivers and other topographical landmarks she could remember in greater detail.

The next day when Nina reported to the requisitions tent she brought the finished map with her. She had hoped they would be pleased by the work or even with the detail she had painstakingly put into it, but they were just so glad that they had somewhere to put her, finally, that they didn't so much as mention the quality.

Threnn told her that there wasn't anymore room where the others worked and was sent to a workstation and desk in the abandoned library in the Chantry basement. _‘More like they wanted to get me out of the way where no one had to look at me,’_ she sighed internally as she gathered her things and made it to her lonely, but private work area.

\--

 

Nina spent long days locked in her own, somewhat warm room drawing maps. Only sleeping once she was well past the point of exhausted, to the point her eyes blurred and refused to stay open. She had been given some smaller, slightly more detailed maps of the Hinterlands to fill in some of the topography better, and repeated the process she had on her previous attempt at map making.

With the new batch of Hinterlands maps, for shits and giggles, she added the logging stands and the astrariums. While playing the game, she had been a completionist. And even though it had been years since she had played it was very easy to remember the minor details since she had spent hours upon hours upon days through multiple playthroughs in a single place. Being able to remember inane details was almost a calling to her.

If she knew whether or not the Herald had cleared out the mage/Templar camps - and thought she could get away with it - she would have marked those locations also. _‘That'd be a very, very stupid thing to do! Why? Why would even think about that?’_ she berated herself.

After working on maps for a week she was asked to bring what she had the Threnn so the quartermaster could send them off. Nina had a total of thirty maps completed. She patted herself on the back and grinned inwardly when she placed the stack on the requisitions table. The other cartographers managed ten a week between the two of them, at most. Some of the requisitions officers looked slightly impressed by the amount of work she was able to accomplish, but of course they wouldn't acknowledge her for a good job. Nina didn't want anything more in that moment than to be able to roll her eyes at them.

“Are there any other locations that need maps or would you prefer I continue with this location?” she asked Threnn while the other woman picked up a map to look over it.

“Where’d you know to mark down the logging stands? The Herald’s found one, but not the other..,” Threnn asked.

“I have traveled through the region before and I remembered their locations. I suspected the information to be useful and took the opportunity to supply what I know.” 

“Do you have any other _useful_ information about the Hinterlands?” Threnn questioned in a slightly mocking tone.

“Yes.” Nina couldn’t snap at the irritating woman, but she could be just as snarky with short replies. It was somewhat nice to see the woman go red faced.

“Would you care to enlighten me as to what you know?” 

“There is a dragon in this area,” Nina pointed to the map. “It will attack on sight.”

“Anything else?” Threnn looked exasperated.

“Nothing that would be useful to the Inquisition.”

“Fine,” she replied irritability. “The Herald asked for some soldiers to be sent to build towers for the horsemaster. I need you to take three of these to the Commander." 

_‘What?’_

“I am sorry. Did you say the Commander?” She could feel the panic rising, as her throat clenched with a sudden want to vomit.

“Yes. Now go. I don't have anymore time to waste on _you_ ,” she nearly spat the word at Nina. 

 _‘Well, shit,’_ she quoted her favorite scholarly dwarf. _‘So much for avoiding the advisors. I’d almost prefer Leliana.’_  

She gathered some of the maps off of the table and stamped down the fear that was building further to make her way to the training field. She had a feeling this was going to give her a killer headache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did go back and edit something in chapter 3. Nina was in the Gallows for two weeks instead of one. I needed the extra time.


	6. Minor Discomfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rite of Tranquility and Cullen

The Rite of Tranquility is not a kind act or a service meant to keep people safe. It might have started that way but isn't any longer. It is agony. It's not just the hot brand pushed into the forehead or the lyrium searing away the flesh, it's designed to rewire the brain forcefully. Like having a lobotomy without anesthesia while being made to watch every cut and stitch on a screen.

Most Tranquil don't remember the terrifying act with nearly as much clarity afterwards. They don't suffer with PTSD that comes from that type of trauma. It's one of the reasons if/when the Rite is reversed the former Tranquil goes insane. They are incapable of dealing with the backlash before the reversal and it all crashes down on them, like a wave pulling them further under water until they drown.

The Rite has a slightly higher survival rate than the Joining the Wardens go through. Which isn't saying much. That is one of the reasons you constantly hear about the Rite, but don't see many Tranquil in one place. It isn't only being severed - barriered - from the fade, but once again from the trauma of the act itself. It's like dying of a heart attack instead of dying on impact if you fell off of a high place. The heart just can't handle the amount of fear and adrenaline that it causes to surge through the body.

Also, Tranquil do not immediately return to the Circle population. Having your brain and body rewired has negative effects as well, as you can imagine. Mages aren't generally made Tranquil shortly after receiving their powers, so they've become accustomed to having it. The Rite causes nearly the same symptoms as withdrawal from drugs or alcohol. Nausea, sweating, palpitations all the way to seizures, heart attacks, and strokes in rare cases.

The Tranquil that make it through are taken to cells and left until they get over the worst symptoms. Some recover in a matter of hours. Some take days or weeks. It depends on how strong their connection was to the Fade when it was severed.

While asking a Tranquil about the experience after they will state their discomfort, but they don't have the emotions to truly convey the sheer horror that they are put through.

This is a few of many reasons mages would prefer death to the Rite of Tranquility.

 

\-----------

 

Commander Cullen, ex-Templar, former Knight Captain of the Kirkwall Circle, survivor of Kinloch Hold, farmer's son from Honnleath.

Tempted, taunted, tortured, and truly one of the last people Nina wanted to see.

It wasn't his fault she was stuck as half tranquil. He didn't put her through the Rite. He hadn't even known it had happened until it was too late. But he didn't help when she needed it the most. Cullen was too drugged out of his mind from lyrium and tortured with nightmares and demons to help anyone really, but he was supposed to be there to help and wasn't.

Nina had been thrust into Thedas, to Kirkwall at the breaking point, and suffered the consequences.

She was able to keep her fear in check as she walked to the training yard. While scanning the area she didn't see the Commander drilling the troops or receiving reports. She approached one of Cullen's runners first, hoping to pass the maps off to him. He quickly steered her away towards the Commander's tent, claiming he was too busy to deal with her.

Nina had managed to make it a month in Haven before most found out she was Tranquil. She hadn't stayed in one place long for that very reason (although it was safer to be a Tranquil in certain areas.) Now, it seemed she was shunned even further than her self imposed isolation previously. _‘Surrounded by people and never more alone.’_

 _‘Maybe I can just put them on his desk and not have to see or talk to him,’_ she silently prayed to herself.

Of course it's never that simple.

She knocked on the support beam at the entrance to the command tent and waited. A few agonizing seconds later she heard Cullen tell her to enter. She steeled her nerves and walked inside, head and eyes downcast and approached his desk.

She had expected him to be sitting, doing paperwork, reading over troop numbers or something. However, he was standing, lighting the first of many candles to work by. Luckily his back was mostly to her otherwise she would have turned and left.

At a quick glance she could see the light of the flame dancing off his face and highlighting the dark circles under his eyes as he turned to a second candle. His golden hair was starting to lose its careful shape and curl after the long day. His shoulder slumped just a touch under the weight of his armor. The fur nearly covered it up. She felt sorry for him knowing it would get much worse before it got better.

Cullen hadn't looked back when she entered, so she just sat the maps down on his desk as she spoke. “The quartermaster said you were in need of maps for the Hinterlands and asked that I deliver them promptly.”

She turned to leave just as quickly as she had entered when she heard movement behind her. Apparently being surrounded by Tranquil - more than the average person - for years made it easier to tell simply by voice. There were only two Tranquil in Haven and the other was male. Cullen put the pieces together faster than she had hoped.

“Wait. I'd like to speak with you,” Cullen said as he moved around the desk.

Nina stopped, nearly frozen in place. “If it is not about Inquisition business I would prefer to refrain.”

“We weren't able to talk before. I would like some answers, if you wouldn't mind.”

“In fact I do mind, Commander. I have delicate work that cannot be delayed further.”

He didn't listen and continued to press her. “What were you trying to tell me in Kirkwall? I couldn't understand.”

“I do not fault you for communication difficulties, since we could not speak the same language, but one would think bruises would speak for themselves,” she started to walk away again. She _needed_ to leave.

A hand reached out and took her by the arm. It wasn't painful or forceful but it was enough to keep her from taking another step.

Cullen moved to stand in front of her, blocking her path. Nina still didn't look up. She couldn't bring herself to look at him this close. Couldn't risk it. She could feel the tentative grip she had slipping. Too many memories, too many emotions tied to him.

“I was told the bruises you had had been self inflicted.”

“It is true some were. However, those were defensive and caused by struggling against attacks to my person.”

She was losing what little control she had left and needed to escape. “If you would release me now I will return to my work. I believe you have sufficient information to your questions.”

Nina pushed her way passed him and made it from the increasingly stifling tent.

Cullen followed, “Wait. Please!” His voice sounded pleading.

She could feel the edges of a panic attack coming and tried to breathe through the increasing anxiety. The crunch of footsteps in the snow behind her kept her from relaxing. When she did finally look up, there dismounting was Jayson and companions.

Her vision began tunneling and the sounds of clashing swords, horses, and people started to become muffled. Cullen was saying something, trying to get her attention, but she couldn't respond. Her throat clenched in fear. It was too late.

As soon as her eyes met Solas’ the convulsions started and she collapsed face first into the cold unforgiving ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... You guys are still going to get updates on Thursdays. There just seems to be extra bonus chapters at random just tossed out there.


	7. Fade to Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crushing emotions and gallows humor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I just have to *squee* a little since this fic passed 50 kudos and 350 hits already. You guys are awesome!

Nina didn't know how long she had been in the Fade when Solas finally showed up. She had been lying down in the center of her bubble being bombarded by grief, fear, and hurt for what felt like weeks. Both Justice and Hope’s ever constant presence made it easier to maintain some semblance of sanity.

She worried that the overwhelming amount of emotions that did leak out of the barrier would somehow corrupt the spirits, but they assured her it wouldn't. It did, however, attract more demons. Justice just promptly sent them away by threatening them with his fade sword.

When she noticed the elf's approach she asked, “How long have I been out this time?”

“We had you in stasis for a day, then let you rest normally after. It is nearly dawn on the third day,” he paused briefly. “The Herald was beginning to become concerned.”

“I highly doubt the Herald of Andraste was concerned over a non-important Tranquil woman,” she scoffed.

“You would be surprised,” There was something more to that statement but she wasn't going to ask. She was too tired to pry.

“Go ahead and ask your questions, Solas. I know you're here more out of curiosity than being sent.”

He hadn't been fidgeting and his body language hadn't given anything away, but his curiosity was nearly palpable even through her barrier.

“What happened with the Commander?”

“We talked.”

He huffed, “Do not dodge the question.”

“I'm not. I answered. You just aren't asking with enough clarity for a fuller answer,” she huffed right back.

“What caused you to black out and convulse?”

“When you are happy, you can laugh. When you are sad, you can cry. When you are angry, you can lash out and scream. You personally, could even set someone on fire if you wanted,” he didn't seem to be following her line of thought so she continued. “When I'm overwhelmed by intense emotions, what do you think I can do?”

“I have never thought about it in all honesty. However, until recently I did not know a Tranquil could have feelings. You keep defying logic.”

“Okay, so…,”

 _‘How to explain this?’_ She was also too tired to try to sidestep or dance around anything at the moment.

“I can't express or reduce my emotions the normal way people do once I reach a certain point. I'm stuck in a body incapable of processing and channeling the different levels of hormones released during times of extreme emotion. Panic, agony, and even extreme happiness causes my brain to believe it is being attacked and takes measures to fight against them.”

“This is the reason you seek solitude outside of the Fade?”

She nodded, “It's the main reason. It makes less of a chance for someone to say or do something that could set it off. And generally I can just walk away if I find myself in an uncomfortable situation. But I didn't lie to you. My voice bothers me just as much as it does everyone else and that’s reason enough.”

“Why are we incapable of waking you?”

Nina was surprised he seemed to be willing to ask questions instead of treating this like he had all the answers this early on. She counted it as progress.

“I won't be able to until some more of the negative emotions leech out into the Fade,” she still hadn't moved from her prone position on the ground. “If I were to wake up now, I'd seize again and just have to start all over.”

“You are taking this remarkably well under the circumstances.”

A laugh she hadn't been expecting came rushing out. “Yeah, well. Watching Justice threaten demons has kept me entertained enough. That and I've had a lot of practice with the feeling of being crushed slowly. Breathing helps,” she tried to shrug her shoulders but while lying down she didn't manage it well.

Solas switched back to the original topic. “I am guessing your conversation with the Commander was unsettling,” It wasn't really a question.

“You could say that. Seeing him, talking to him, it just reminds me of too much. I won't be able to come to terms with half of the shit I went through until I'm able to break free of this,” she gestured to the barrier, “bubble thing.”

“I would suspect not,” his tone changed but she wasn't able to read it from where she was.

“It does have its benefits sometimes, however,” she remarked and when he just blankly stared at her she continued. “Convulsing...makes it near impossible to be raped and blacking out is a turnoff to most men.”

Oh, he didn't like that... _‘Okay. Gallows humor is not the way to go!’_

“I should be able to wake up in another day or so. You can tell Jayson to not worry so much. I'm sure you all have more important things to worry about anyway.”

“Would you permit me to tell the Herald of your...unique situation? He seems like the type of man who would be willing to help look further into the matter.”

She thought for some time, long enough Solas nearly started talking again. “I don't mind him knowing. However, I would like to keep it between the three of us if at all possible. I don't want to become an experiment to be poked and prodded by the other mages.”

“Then I will leave for now. If you are amenable to talking more tonight I have more questions I would like to ask.”

“Sure thing. But once again I reserve the right to not answer.”

She spoke again before he could leave, turning her head slightly to him. “Oh, Solas, could you do a favor for me? Could you tell Cullen this isn't his fault? He has enough to worry about already.”

“Ma nuvenin.”

Solas left and Nina could feel some more of the anxiety leave her. She was able to crawl slowly to the edge of the barrier towards Hope. She reached her hand up - with great effort - to feel the comfort that the spirit was able to provide.

She just might make it through this.

 

\--

Solas POV switch

 

Solas woke in an unsurprisingly bad mood. He did feel better knowing she hadn't suffered irreparable brain damage, but she was clearly drained even days into her recovery. And how could she make light of it?

When awake enough to focus, Solas made his way out of his cabin to the healer’s tent. He wanted to check her physical condition before reporting to the Herald.

When he arrived he looked down on her sleeping form. She looked slight on the small cot in the back of the healer’s tent. Days of not eating and trauma has a way of making someone look drawn.

Her dark, red hair was mussed and parted. If the brand wasn't such a glaring reminder of what was done to her he would have seen her as just another sleeping human. The look on her face didn't betray the inner turmoil he saw while in the Fade. He hadn't gone anywhere near the barrier but he was still able to feel her grief as if he could touch it.

Solas had noticed she hadn't moved the entire time he visited her. Barely moved her head or shoulders. Her lack of energy was a bit disconcerting. Since the lyrium embedded in her skin gave off increased heat he pushed her hair further aside to feel the back of her neck instead for signs of fever.

That's when he noticed another oddity. Her ears weren't rounded like the humans but weren't pointed like an elf's either. It was enough of a difference, however, that if she didn't have her hair down constantly anyone who looked would be able to notice their abnormal shape.

 _‘Could she be elf-blooded?’_ He mused.

The human genes almost always fully dominate in elf-blooded people. Unless one knew one of the parents to be elven you would never be able to tell. _‘I'm going to have to look closer for other signs.’_

Solas didn't get to linger on his thoughts for long before the Herald and Commander entered the tent from the far opening. He nodded his head in greetings as they came to stand beside him.

“Were you able to find anything out, Solas?” Trevelyan asked.

“She should wake in no more than a few days. At the earliest, tomorrow.”

“Well, that's a relief,” Trevelyan stated. “Have you been able to find out what caused the fit to happen?”

“I believe it has to do with a pre-existing condition. I can talk to you about it more in private later if you have the time,” Solas side eyed Cullen as he said that.

The Commander had been completely quiet. He simply stood there looking at the sleeping woman almost as Solas had only minutes before. Solas wasn't sure how he felt about the Commander after what he learned from Nina. What little she actually explained, he hadn't been the one to assault her, but he was in part responsible to her suffering. He suppressed a growl in his throat when he thought about it.

Solas remembered the favor that was asked and begrudgingly told Cullen, “She would not want you to worry over something that you had little control over.”

Cullen didn't look very convinced and without being able to tell him about Nina’s ability to feel or forgive, Solas had no way to do so. And he wasn't really in a forgiving mood to reassure him. Cullen just bid the other men farewell and left with the excuse of seeing to his troops. It seemed more like the inability to be there any longer. His eyes betrayed the sorrow he was obviously trying to hide.

“If you would walk with me to the war room, we could talk there in private, before the others show for our meeting,” Trevelyan suggested as he started walking.

Along the way they talked about the upcoming trip to Val Royeaux. Trevelyan had some trepidation of taking him along with the rest to talk to the Chantry and Solas agreed that an apostate freely walking into the city would not be a wise choice.

Once they reached the war room the conversation switched quickly to Nina and her...predicament. Solas told him as much as he felt comfortable with. About the Rite, her ability to still enter the Fade, the barrier and her fits - as the Herald called them. He purposefully left out the more graphic details that she had hinted at.

The Herald was even more confused than Solas was, “So you're saying she is but isn't Tranquil?” he swallowed a lump in his throat. “I don't know if that is better or worse than being fully Tranquil. I'd almost bet worse. Do you know of anything we can do to help her?”

“Regrettably, I do not. I have had little time to look into the matter. I'm sure the Inquisition has the resources or ability to find a way. That is one of the reasons she has agreed to tell you, but she has asked that no one else be made aware.”

“I'm not sure how plausible that is, Solas. If you're wanting Inquisition resources we are going to have to let others know. I wouldn't even know where to begin looking into something like this,” he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I understand. However, I ask that you do not share this with anyone else until I am able to speak with her again. Her mind is in a delicate state and telling without consent would only be detrimental to her recovery.”

“Agreed. I think this settles the other matter as well,” he turned towards Solas. “I'd like you to stay here while we go to Val Royeaux...to keep an eye on her.”

“I will see to it she does not come to harm while you are away. Hopefully, by the time you and the others return we will have a better understanding of the matter.”

Their time was nearly up by that point and Solas left before the advisors - mainly Cullen - could find them talking. His dislike of the Templar Order increased tenfold in the last few hours and wasn't sure if he would be able to control his temper around them at the moment.

He went to meditate to calm his nerves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ma nuvenin - As you wish
> 
> So, Nina is a silver lining kind of girl. I can't help that her silver at the moment is as dark as arsenic.


	8. Bittersweet Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking of home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! This story has reach 500 hits! I'm celebrating this personal victory with a bonus chapter for YOU and a dance party for ME. I hope you enjoy. :-D

When she woke in the healer's tent Nina was a bit disoriented. She sat up in the cot and looked around. She spied her leather bag and her everyday clothes lying near the foot or her cot and quickly gathered them into her arms. There was only one healer there currently and she was looking over a soldier's injuries near the front. He looked to have a sprained elbow given the sling she was putting on him.

The tent was large enough to house ten or so cots. Only two others were occupied by sleeping people. Their dirty, torn clothes gave them away as refugees with malnutrition and exhaustion. ‘ _ Probably fleeing from the Hinterlands _ .’ Nina thought.

There was a small screen near her that was used for the common privacies. She took her belongings behind the screen to change. It was a bit of a struggle. She had been out for nearly a week by now and her muscles started to protest. She was bound and determined to do it on her own, however. It was bad enough that someone had changed her in the first place. 

Sheer stubbornness and determination had her in her lambswool dress before the healer’s had noticed she had awakened. She also had time to take care of her bodily functions and make it back to her cot. 

She sat down when the dizziness was starting to become too much to handle. That's when the healer finally approached her. 

“Miss you need to stay in bed.”

“I am aware of my limitations. I took care of what I could without disturbing your work with your other patient,” Her voice was even flatter than usual. That happened after an episode, especially one that bad. Nina had tried to press as many negative emotions out of her bubble as she could before she woke, but the lack of them also left her feeling more Tranquil than normal.

“Do you think you could keep something down if I brought you food?” the healer’s asked very matter of factly.

“As long as it is would not sit heavily in my stomach, I believe that would be tolerable.”

The healer left to get something for her to eat and left her there with nothing but sleeping patients and her thoughts. 

Nina started to pull out her sketchbook, but thought better of it in this place. Even though she was practically alone, it didn't mean it would stay that way. She couldn't risk all of them being seen yet. She was just glad no one had pried into them while she had been unconscious. The leather ties were still in the signature knot she preferred to use. 

She sat there and let her mind wander. It took her back to her time on Earth, before all of this happened. All the times she had walked through the park near her apartment to see the flowers bloom in the spring. The hiking trips she took with her family. Her brothers, her mom and dad, her nephew. They were bittersweet memories, but she had come to terms that she would never see them again and just appreciated the memory of them. It was one of many prices she paid. 

Her computer had been filled to the brim with pictures taken from her various vacations with and without them.  _ ‘I wonder what happened to all the pictures I took on that last trip?”  _

It wasn't much longer when the healer’s came back with a tray of food. A bowl of broth, a small loaf of bread along with a small glass and pitcher of water. Nina had managed a few bites before Solas showed up. He effectively sent the healer off with nothing but a glance.  _ ‘Apparently he saw her bringing the food and followed her.’ _

He had visited her only once more in the Fade since the third day. Solas had attempted to pull more information from her, but apparently he could tell it was just making her upset. He mentioned he could feel her emotions almost like an aura even from a distance, which was the reason the demons had become so prevalent the last few days.

He started talking about his travels and things he'd seen while in the Fade then and it had helped. It took her mind off of her own problems for the moment and lulled her into a calmer state. If it had been physically possible to fall asleep in the Fade, she probably would have while listening to his iambic pentameter voice wax poetic about ruins and battlefields. 

_ ‘I really could listen to his voice all day,’  _ she'd thought as she’d relaxed further.

As her own emotions eased, Nina had been able to fully appreciate talking with someone. She and Solas had kept the topics neutral and stayed away from anything that might drive her recovery back. Being able to laugh and joke and, hell, even move while there was nothing short of wonderful. Solas had even started to smile the longer they sat there. 

Now he was standing beside her cot looking at her expressionless face and she couldn't bare to look him in the eyes knowing what he saw. What everyone saw. Nothingness.

She sighed internally, forcing her thoughts to change. “Now that I am awake and not in danger of immediate injury again, would you tell me what the Herald said about my situation?”

“Are you sure you would like to discuss this here and now?” Solas quirked an eyebrow.

“No. However, if it is unsettling news now is better. I would not be overcome easily at the moment.”

“Very well,” he pulled a chair to the side of the cot and sat. “He does not know any more than I, and believes more people would be able to aid us in finding a solution. I agree that while discretion is best, we will not be able to fully understand or research how to reverse it on our own. My own knowledge on the matter of the Rite and Tranquillity itself is lacking.”

“I have been able to glean some information that would be helpful on the matter, but it would also need to be kept quiet. And I would prefer not to discuss it here.” She had to tell him of the normal way to reverse Tranquility, even if it didn't help in her case. However, the reversal of the Rite was the last straw that finally brought the Mage/Templar War about and she was not about to make it common knowledge...yet. 

“Anything you would be willing to share would be helpful.” The look he leveled at her showed his frustration. Apparently her dodging questions was starting to get on his nerves. It wasn't icy, but it was just a little intimidating. 

“I will tell you privately, once I have recovered more and am able to walk freely. Also would you be able to gather the inner circle and advisors together to tell them what you know? I find it unpleasant to ask so many favors, but I am uncertain if I could manage being around so many strong personalities in my state. They also would undoubtedly listen to you over a Tranquil.”

He huffed when she mentioned the Tranquil bit, but didn't disagree or refuse to do so. “I could address the advisors today. The others, however, will have to wait until the return from Val Royeaux. They left yesterday morning and will not return for at least three weeks.”

“I would prefer they were all told at the same time. If the Herald believes what you have said then he would be able to help prove the validity of the statement.”

“Would you not prefer other mages to know as well? I can understand wanting to inform the advisors but what would be gained by informing Cassandra and Varric?”

“I am almost certain you will not be the only mage involved after a time. As for the others, I have my reasons.” 

“Ma nuvenin, Nina. Would you mind if I continued visiting you in the Fade? I agree on the appeal of speaking there.”

“You may. However, it cannot be often. I must spend my time there removing emotions else I will not be able to function properly in the waking.”

“I understand. Rest now and recover your strength,” he stood and placed the chair back in its original place and left.

  
She had to keep herself from watching him leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ma nuvenin - As you wish


	9. Zoned Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Val Royeaux and bad lying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jayson POV

 

To say Cassandra was upset was a bit of an understatement. It was a cross between shock and outraged at the Lord Seeker’s behavior. Also his lack of interest or willingness to help the Inquisition seemed like a slap to her face.

Jayson had hoped that going on a hunt for the red notes and their destination would keep her mind off of what she had witnessed the day before, and it sort of worked. Now she was just irritated by the newest inner circle member named Sera.

Finally he just gave up trying to cheer her up and left her at the inn to sulk (or rage) while he and Varric went to find dinner at a nearby café . Sera was planning on meeting them in Haven after tying up loose ends, so he didn't have to worry about keeping her and the Seeker apart.

They found their way to an open air café that had a more nonchalant quality to it. There was a female bard singing near a group of tables, a hat laid at her feet. The place didn't look too crowded and they settled at a corner table near the back. Jayson had a clear view of the entrance and of the few patrons that were there. Varric seemed to think along the same lines and chose the other chair with a wall to his back.

Jayson was never fond of having someone sit behind him. Now that he was the so called Herald of Andraste he had to be even more concerned with attempts on his life. No one had really tried as of yet. Mainly because his face wasn't well known anywhere other than the Hinterlands. ‘This trip to Val Royeaux will probably be the tipping point,’ he mused as he was looking over the menu.

“So, Trevelyan, how much longer are we going to be dealing with the grumpy Seeker in close quarters?” Varric asked

“I'm not sure, Varric. I have to at least make an attempt to go to that salon, as much as I'd prefer not to,” he sighed as he thought about the mass of people trying to clamor for attention these things normally attract. “We should be able to leave the day after tomorrow at the earliest.”

_‘Unless we get stopped by yet another person while trying to leave town.’_

He had been approached by Grand Enchanter Fiona on their second attempt at leaving. After what he had - at the time - witnessed with the Templars, he was almost willing to ally with the mages on the spot. ‘Who would condone punching an unarmed, elderly woman?’

However, he did need to talk to the advisors and get their opinions. It was their Inquisition after all. He was just the pretty face they showed off.

After ordering their food and drinks his mind took an abrupt turn. ‘More mages might mean more help to solve Nina’s problem.’

He had thought about her a few times while they were on the road, but little since they made it into the city. There had been a lot to do in Val Royeaux. He knew the struggles many of the mages had suffered while in the Circles, but never knew something like that was even possible. She seemed young and shy when he first met her. Now he knew why.

Nina’s long, vibrant, auburn hair was the first thing he had noticed about her. It stood out in contrast to her simple green dress. She was slightly taller than the average women. And she walked with a stride that few - other than those accustomed to travel - accomplished. Jayson had definitely noticed her standing next to Solas and used the elf as an excuse to make his way over to them. He even chose his words in response to get at least a chuckle out of her. Attributing her downcast eyes as shyness he could clearly see in her, he kept his hands to himself and the conversation brief. Now he was glad he didn't come on stronger like he normally did with women.

While closing the Breach was first on his priority list, finding a way to help her was also a high priority.

“Hey. You still with me?” Varric asked, pulling Jayson from his thoughts.

“Yeah. Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“Oh, that was obvious. What I'm wondering is what was it about,” Varric chuckled.

“It was nothing of import,” he lied.

“First off all, for a rogue you are terrible at lying. Secondly, it had to be important if you zoned out so badly you missed the server dropping a plate of food on someone.”

“Really? I can't be that bad at lying?” Jayson said raising hand to his chest in mock hurt.

“Yes, you can and don't dodge the question. What has you thinking so hard?”

The bard leaning up against the wall seemed to be finishing her song and taking a break. The Orlesian had flowed smoothly as she sang. Jayson was mostly able to keep up with what she had been saying. Then the thought hit him.

He casually picked up his glass and took a sip before replying. “I was thinking it would be nice to have a bard in Haven. Maybe lighten moods in the Signing Maiden.”

“Right…” Varric just stared at him with an eyebrow raised. “You think I'm going to fall for that?”

“No, but I think I am going to hire that bard.”

He stood and strolled over to the bard. He put a small amount of swagger into his step and pulled the charm out he had been taught since birth.

It appeared Maryden was the newest member of the Inquisition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very happy you guys are enjoying my little brain child. 
> 
> I'm giving thanks to my best friend and roommate [ Terion ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Terion/profile) for reading my chapters in advance. Not only is she responsible for keeping any glaring grammatical errors from my story, but without her I wouldn't even be writing it. She introduced me to the Dragon Age games, to the world of writing and to fanfiction. She let me sit on the end of her bed and play her PS4 while she slept so I could play trespasser when it released. She filled a void I didn't even realize I had. 
> 
> You guys are pretty awesome too. :-P


	10. Fading Rapport

Nina decided to meet Solas in the Fade instead of the waking to tell him about the reversal of Tranquility. For one, she really didn't want to have another meltdown if Solas became angered. Secondly, she could wake herself up if she needed to escape him. Just walking away wouldn't work as well.

Nina had spent the last few weeks locked in her workroom beneath the Chantry working on maps. The requisitions officers had given her what they had for the Storm Coast and sent her off with no more than a glance at her. She used her work as an excuse to put off the conversation she knew was coming, but with Jayson on his way back it couldn't be helped any longer.

She passed the time with Learning while waiting for Solas to appear.

“Are you sure I should actually tell him about this, Learning? We both know how he feels about spirits and what has become of mages.”

“If you do not tell him what you know, I will if he asks. Knowledge such as this should not be hidden from the world. Has it not already been shown what trying to hide it causes?”

“I'm not trying to hide it,” she huffed. “I just don't want the war to escalate before some more of the world has been settled. It will be found out in time as it is.”

“True. However, when it is found out, will it be too late to help you? We have all been able to see the increased strain you have been put under since the Breach. You must remember we all have an invested interest to see you whole.”

Nina pondered that for a while longer before the ever present awareness of Solas nearby pulled her back. A person can only go through “What if’s” so many times before missing an opportunity completely.

Solas came and sat near the barrier, but still well out of arm's reach. He placed his staff to the side, but kept one hand on it as always in the Fade.

“You are nervous, da’ajuelan. Why?” he questioned.

“You're getting better at reading my emotions. That in and of itself is a bit unsettling, Solas,” Nina commented.

“You were nervous before I came.”

“True,” she sighed and turned to face him fully and sat mimicking his pose. “I'm not sure how you are going to take what I have to tell you and that is what has me worried.”

“I will endeavor to keep calm,” his lip curled in a small smirk.

Nervousness started to give away to slight fear, but she pushed that as far away as possible. She could tell Solas felt it when his face became stoic once more and he tried to make eye contact with her.

Learning moved next to Solas and seated himself. Nina couldn't tell if it was a show of support on Its part or a reminder of Its warning. She took a few breaths and push what nervousness out of the barrier she could.

She decided to get it over with and blurted out, “I know how to reverse Tranquility.”

The barrier kept her from feeling Solas as well as he felt her, and she had a few less millennia of practice, but Nina could still feel the wave of emotions that consumed him. The moment when clarity of her words sunk in, Solas was a mix of curiosity and fury.

“How do you know this? Why have you not said so before?! We could have helped not only you but countless others!”

“Sathan, Solas. Will you listen to my reasons before chastising me?” she begged.

Nina could see him fighting with himself to get under control once more, but the small fire of rage was still within his eyes. She sighed and looked away. Her nerves replaced with slight sadness. _‘I knew he would flip out.’_

“The reversal requires a spirit...or demon to come in contact with the mind of a Tranquil. Since Tranquils don't have a connection to the Fade that means the spirit has to be pulled through the Veil to posses their physical body. After the spirit leaves their person the Tranquility is reversed,” she paused to take a breath and risk a glance at Solas. He was still angry.

So Nina continued, “There is one problem I know for certain. The former Tranquil generally goes insane after it is reversed. Everything that had been suppressed bubbles up and consumes them. The longer they have been Tranquil the more likely it is to lose their minds. But what happens with the spirit afterwards...especially in the world as it is now? That I don't know. Would pulling the spirits across, now, weaken the Veil and tear it? There are too many questions that I can't answer to feel comfortable doing it,” she stood and started pacing. “And with me. I'm still connected to the Fade, so I highly doubt that will work for me.”

She stopped talking as the myriad of emotions started piling up on her.

The silence was near deafening before Solas spoke. “Why is this not common knowledge?” his brows furled. Nina could feel slight anguish overriding his anger, which just made her sadder.

“It would have been if the Seekers and Templars hadn't covered it up. Suppressing this truth was the final reason the war we are in started. It is dangerous knowledge to have. The ones who knew it was possible did everything in their power to wipe it from existence.”

“Now I can understand why you did not wish to speak of it,” the gears were turning in his head again. “Does Cassandra know about this?” his anger reared it's head again. He had such a tenuous hold on it by this point

“No. She was not privy to the information as far as I am aware.”

That settled something in him. “How many times has it been reversed?”

“Only a handful of times on mages and only one of those has been in the last several hundred years.”

“What do you mean on mages? Have other non-mages been made Tranquil?”

_‘Shit!’_

“Yes, but it was under different circumstances that I cannot go into.”

“Why? If it could have some bearing on your situation why would you not share it?”

“Because it doesn't, that's why,” she used a tone that would normally broker no argument, but Solas was stubborn.

“How are you so certain that is the case? From what I have seen and what you _have_ told me, you are a unique case. Everything could be useful!” his voice started to raise in accusation.

“We are not continuing on that line of questions, Solas,” Nina crossed her arms and planted her feet.

Solas was standing now as well, looking down at her through the barrier. He was closer than he had been since their initial contact in the Fade. His hand was clenched around the shaft of his staff, knuckles going white from tension.

“You came to me for help, asha,” he growled. “How am I to do that when I'm given half answers and grains of truth to sift through?”

“Do not woman me, Solas. There are some things you _don't_ need to _know_ ,” she emphasized her words with a snarl directed back at him. “If you do not stop this instant I will simply wake up.”

“You are not in a state to do that,” Learning chimed in in almost panic. It had been so quiet throughout her talk/argument with Solas she had forgotten the spirit was there. “You will only hurt yourself if you leave now, da’lin.”

Nina turned her eyes back to Solas, glaring at him. “Then _you_ can leave.”

With that she turned and walked to the other side of her bubble. It wasn't big enough to escape him, but enough that she could no longer feel his emotions clashing with hers.

Solas didn't leave, but he didn't talk to her either. It could have been only minutes, but it felt like hours when Nina started hearing Solas have a quiet conversation with Learning. Even as curious as she was she wasn't about to get closer to hear them, however. Nina sat and started to meditate. To push what she could outward. Learning was right. If she had woken then she would have just blacked out again. Nina tried to clear her mind, but his presence made it near impossible to do so.

“Nina,” Solas had walked so softly, and she had been concentrating so hard, she startled and looked up at the elf now standing in front of her before quickly averting her eyes once more .

“I told you to leave, Solas.”

“Yes and I will,” he sighed. “I acted rashly. I do not often lose my temper so quickly. Ir abelas.”

“Apology accepted, but you have to realise that there are some things that I can't or won't tell you. With good reason. I will understand if you choose not to help me further.”

 _‘Oh dear God, don't tell me I have driven him away already!’_ she silently prayed to herself.

“I offered to help you, da’ajuelan. I will not turn away from you without sufficient reason.”

“Ma serannas.”

“On nydha. Sule tael tasalal.”

“Good night, Solas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> da’ajuelan - little artist  
> Sathan - Please  
> asha - woman  
> Ir abelas - My apologies  
> Ma serannas - My thanks, Thank you  
> On nydha - Good night  
> Sule tael tasalal - Until we meet again, Until next meeting
> 
> I'm hoping to go back and name my chapters from here on out. Maybe also a brief summary at the beginning as well. So just a heads up if you notice a change. :-)


	11. Posturing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald and Solas tell the others about Nina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever started writing a chapter and not know who's POV you are writing from until about halfway through? Well, that's what happened here. I'm not going to tell you guys who it is. Lets see if you can figure it out before it is made known.

 

“Tell me you are joking. You cannot be serious,” Cassandra’s thick Nevarran accent carried throughout the war room.

“I am very serious, Seeker.” Solas replied.

“Everything that I've seen and heard about this seem to be legitimate, Cassandra.” Jayson chimed in standing next to Solas on the far side of the table.

“Really? What proof do you have that any of this is true? The word of a Tranquil backed by an apostate,” she accused. “It would take more proof for me to believe half of these accusation, let alone believe my order was part of a cover up,” She crossed her arms and planted her feet.

“Whether or not you believe it is true, does not change the fact that it was done.” Solas rebutted. The tension in the room escalated until it was palpable. Cassandra looked as if she wanted to leap over the table and throttle Solas at that moment.

Varric cut in before it could get any more heated. “Now, now you two. There is no need for throwing blame around.”

Cassandra huffed and Solas stood straighter placing his hands behind his back. Both were glaring daggers at one another.

“I'm pretty sure we've all seen some pretty messed up shit lately,” Varric continued trying to look everyone in the eyes. They didn't argue, but Solas and Cassandra just kept staring at one another. “I know I've been part of some world changing events as of late. What's one more?” he shrugged. “If we just focus on the issue of...what's her name again?”

“Nina,” Jayson and Solas said in unison.

“Right,” Varric rolled his eyes. Obviously both of the men were becoming smitten with this woman if there reaction and body language was anything to go by. They both subtly raised their chins when speaking her name, and Jayson puffed out his chest. Their postures changed as well, but very few would have been able to notice without proper training.

Oddly enough Solas was harder to read than the Herald, even knowing Solas has had more interaction with the woman. _‘Interesting.’_

“Why are we even discussing this?” Cassandra questioned. “There is a gaping hole in the sky and we have yet to gain aid from the Templars or the Mages. Also have you forgotten about the group of scouts that went missing in Fallow Mire?” She aimed the last one towards the Herald.

Josephine spoke up, “Cassandra, I'm sure the Herald hasn't forgotten and that was a bit...harsh, don't you think?”

Everyone in the room got quiet. Returning to their respective corners, as it were, only to dissolve into the argument again minutes later. Tensions rose and fell in waves. Neither side making head way.

Leliana took in the situation around her. Cullen had remained quiet through the discussion. She wasn't sure why since he was usually very vocal on his ideals and has been quick to defend Templars. He had moved to the back corner of the room and leaned against the wall. Arms crossed. _‘Defensive.’_ Head down. _‘Guilt.’_ Avoiding eye contact _. ‘Ashamed.’_

Varric and Josephine were trying to play peacekeepers. Varric for once not wielding humor as a weapon. It seemed even the dwarf could tell the seriousness in the room. Josephine on the other hand held her writing board as a shield against the words being thrown around. It was nearly comical watching from an outside perspective. Jayson was clearly on Solas side, but tried to take a more diplomatic approach. While the other two were butting heads like rams fighting over a patch of grass. Neither side had taken it to the point of outright insulting each other...yet.

Leliana could see both sides of the argument that unfolded, but knew neither were going to get anywhere at the moment. So, she finally spoke.

“I gather the reason you are bringing this to our attention is because you need help looking into the matter of reversing Tranquility.”

Everyone stopped their near shouting to look at her. The Herald and Solas nodded.

“We do not have the resources yet to conduct a full investigation into the matter, but I will use some of my contacts to look into it. Will that suffice?” Everyone in the room exhaled a sigh of relief. Normally the advisors would be arguing over different ways to handle this, but clearly Leliana was the only choice in the matter and she was glad of it.

“I believe that will be sufficient, Lady Nightingale,” Solas replied.

“So now that that is taken care of, can we leave? While I have enjoyed my time being crammed in a room with all of you, I think I need an ale...or three,” Varric said as he turned to leave.

“You aren't the only one.” Cullen finally spoke catching everyone but Leliana off guard. He followed the dwarf out of the room, a scowl firmly in place. Shortly thereafter everyone started filing out leaving Leliana and Jayson in the war room together.

“Well, that went better than I thought it would,” Jayson sighed rubbing his hands across his forehead and down his face.

“If I may ask, Herald. If you knew it would be taken badly, why did you bring it up in the first place? Cassandra isn't wrong. We have enough to worry about as it is. Why add more?”

“I know this isn't as big as the Breach or something that can be taken care of as quickly as our missing scouts, but it is still important, Leliana. The war, in part, started because of this,” she had turned a questioning gaze on him. “If it's true that is,“ he added.

“Even if we can find proof and it is accepted by everyone, I still do not see the reason for bringing it up now. Before we take care of more pressing matters.”

“We need aid to close the Breach. If we can find out before we seek them out we can use the information to our advantage in gaining it. Either as a promise or as leverage.”

“I'll do what I can, Herald,” was all she said in reply.

Jayson left then, leaving Leliana to her thoughts.

She was going to look into the matter, but not the way the others had seemed to take it.

Leliana already knew about the reversal of Tranquility. She had been the Left Hand of the Divine. Even though she had been in Kirkwall with Cassandra when the investigation had been done, it did not mean she was out of the information loop. Her spies and contacts kept her informed on every matter that was brought before Divine Justinia, and something as controversial as THAT did not escape her network.

Even if that were not the case, Wynne had personally written her about the discovery. They had become very close in their travels during the Blight. Their faith linking them together faster than most friendships form. Wynne had known the information about Tranquility would be suppressed if not distributed quickly. To combat that, she sent letters to Circles and friends to spread the news before it could be refuted.

But things never seemed to go to plan. Wynne lost her life in the White Spire and the Templars started to annul the Circles before the information could become widely known.

No, what she was going to look into was how Nina knew about it. The very few who knew - that still live - are still apart of her network and have been sworn to silence on the matter. The only other option would be finding out from the Templars, but that was also highly unlikely.

Leliana sorted through her papers then gathered them off of the table. She walked out of the Chantry to her work tent, all the while still mulling over the pieces of what she knew. After coming to the conclusion she needed more information, she pulled out a piece of paper and quill.

She penned a letter to one of her contacts in Kirkwall.

  



	12. Nugs like Elfroot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It can't be serious ALL the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up to 100 Kudos and it made me extremely happy to see. Because of that you guys get an extra chapter with a drawing. :D

 

 

Nina spent a good portion of her afternoon chasing a nug.

Yes, a nug.

Why?

Because she had been sent to gather elfroot for Adan and the blighted thing ran off with the stack she had already gathered…

 

When Nina was on her way to her work room that morning Threnn pulled her aside and reassigned her to elfroot duty. She had apparently been doing her map making job so well they had a surplus.

“It will do you some good. Being outside. And you'll be outside of the town as well. I think it's a win-win for the both of us,” Threnn commented when asked.

The temperature had dropped the night before and snow had started piling up once more. It was late in winter and the weather had a tendency to fluctuate. She also happened to know that Jayson had nearly picked the area clean of elfroot not only two days ago. They were stockpiling potions for their trip to Fallow Mire and Storm Coast at the end of the week.

 _‘Do me good my ass!’_ she thought.

Nina knew the quartermaster was just trying to make herself look good in front of the other requisitions officers by blatantly putting her down. Even though she had gotten used to it by now didn't mean she had to like it. She just silently cursed the woman and made her way to the gates of town. There was no use refusing.

So Nina spent hours scrounging for traces of elfroot, in ankle to calf deep snow. She spent the first half of her time hunting around the cabin outside of town. When her leggings started to soak through and her legs chilled to the point of discomfort, Nina would walk inside and warm herself by the fire she thought to make in the fireplace.

When that area stopped producing any viable plants she meandered toward the frozen lake. Not too long into her search she saw a royal elfroot plant rising from the snow like a beacon. It was up an incline perched just passed a line of rock and boulders. She had to climb to reach it and squeeze herself between two boulders to make it, but she took the chance.

Nina placed her satchel with her sketchbook and other elfroot on the ground and made her way to the opening in the rock. Once she reached the plant she realized it had more to offer than just a few leaves. It also had amazing potential to propagate new plants. There were long stems with leaves that could easily be cut and replanted in hopes of taking root.

Nina got excited.

She spent an hour clipping, cutting and planting. She didn't know how long it would take for them to grow if they survived, but if it wasn't long the extra regeneration potions could come in handy later.

She stood and wiped her hands off on her dress. It was already dirty from kneeling on the ground so long anyway. She turned and took in the sight of Haven from the vantage point. There was a clear view over the frozen lake. The soldiers spared with the sounds of clashing shields echoing off the mountains. The townsfolk moving to and fro between buildings and through the streets. The sun was starting on its downward track, but still had another hour before hitting the skyline.

Being away from people...with this view...nearly made up for the crappy start to her day. She could sit in silence with nothing but her thoughts and almost feel normal. No one to look differently at her. No one to dismiss her. No one to dodge questions from. Just her, the sun and snow and….the nugs.

Normally Nina thought they were cute in a creepy, hairless, bunny sort of way. With their weird feet and beady eyes. Right now she couldn't think of one she wanted to skin more.

Looking down at her pack from her perch she could see the tail end of the hairless creature sticking out. It's head was fully inside. Nina went to jump down, but thought twice when judging the height drop, so instead she made her way back to the entrance. By the time she had gotten down, the nug was aware of her presence and had pulled it's head out. The strap to the bag was wrapped around its chest, so when it spooked and ran it took the entire bag with it.

What happened next could have easily been put to Benny Hill music. Trying to catch a nug dragging a bag while running on ice. Slipping, sliding, arms windmilling about trying to keep balance.

Nina went for the grab after she managed to close the distance. She bent and snagged the bag with the tips of her fingers, but in the process she lost her balance. Falling backwards, with bag in hand, Nina landed flat on her back. Her skull narrowly missed bouncing off the thick, hard ice on impact.

She laid there, eyes closed, arms clutching the bag for Marker knew how long before a shadow blocked the light from the dimming sun. A burst of laughter was all the sound she heard before she opened her eyes and looked to see who witnessed her embarrassment.

Jayson was standing there looking down at her with a broad smile plastered on his face.

Nina just closed her eyes again and continued to lay there. “I require the assistance of someone who can shoot a bow or throw a fireball. I believe there is a nug that requires either... or both.”

“Would you like me to go fetch Varric?”

“That may be counterintuitive if I wish to retain some of my dignity.”

“I'm not sure that is possible,” he laughed again and offered an arm to help her. Once he had her standing he continued, “You've been running after that nug in full view of the entire sparring field.”

“Well….so much for that,” she replied

“If it is any consolation, Nina, you did win me the bet.”

Nina turned to look back towards to town. Varric was standing on the edge of the lake with Sera surrounded by soldiers taking coin. _‘He bet on this?!”_

“What was it exactly you bet on? The fall or the nug escaping?” She had just about had enough.

“That you would get your bag back before you fell even once,” was all he said, smiling brilliantly before he walked off and got the group to disperse.

  
_‘Such faith,”_ she rolled her eyes as she left to hide. 


	13. Cascading Regrets

Nina was lying on the ground in her bubble. This time it wasn't because of the press of emotions that are normally bombarding her. It was out of pure exhaustion. Since coming the Haven she didn't feel like she had a moment to just rest, relax, and turn it all off. That night seemed like it wouldn't be any different. 

She tried tuning out the noises around her. She would have to ask another mage if the Fade was this loud for normal people. 

Currently there was a rage demon banging against the barrier on one side and a terror demon scraping it's claws against the other. It didn't quite have the same sound as nails on a chalkboard, but it was still annoying as hell. 

Justice wasn't anywhere to be seen. Actually none of her normal Fade companions were around. Just her and the two demons. They had never attempted to hide what they were. Never tried to tempt her to come out or to let them in. They always started with brute force and it was somewhat unsettling to think what would happen to her if - when - the barrier did come down. Dying in the Fade wasn't an outright death sentence for a non-mage and regular mages became Tranquil. What about her? She was from another world. Did the same rules apply to her?

Nina couldn't handle the noise or her spiraling thoughts any longer and forced herself to wake up. It was still dark outside. The small tent she shared with the other Tranquil was nearly claustrophobic to her when she woke. 

Haven at night was a ghost town. There were others awake, but they were mostly guards. The kitchen was the only building that had any light coming from the windows. 

She wandered aimlessly, trying to focus on nothing. Normally she would sit and gaze at the stars when she couldn't sleep, but the Breach blocked nearly all of them here. Whether by actually blocking them or by the green eerie light drowning them out. It was worse than trying to stargaze in the middle of a city, and the Breach was just a constant reminder of things she was trying to forget at the moment. She thought about walking to the dock on the far side of the frozen lake, but without the ability to defend herself she thought better of it in the dark. 

Instead she sat on the side of the lake closest to the training yard and gazed out over the mountains. The snow had lessened over the last few weeks, but it wouldn't completely leave until  _ maybe _ the summer.  _ ‘By then Haven will be buried,’  _ she thought before trying to shove that down and away. 

She looked back at the mountains. Instead of seeing the snow capped peaks or the place where the tree line stopped, she pictured thousands of torches glittering off snow. 

Her brain was not going to stop it seemed. She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. Her fingertips brushing across the brand on her forehead. Ever the constant reminder. She tugged on her hair near the scalp until the pressure turned painful. It stopped all thoughts for a few blessed seconds. 

When they started back up again she just gave in. Nina let the pictures and thoughts run their course until they could finally settle on one that wasn't so terrible. She tried to speed it along. Small suggestions here. Trying to find a face or a place that had a positive memory attached to it. Nina knew it wasn't  _ normal _ to fight against her own brain, but it was a common routine for her. It was how she had managed to make it through the last four years. How she managed life even before that. ‘ _ Find the positive,’  _ had become her chant in life. 

She sat there until the sun started to peak over the horizon, then stood and made her way to her work room. If she couldn't stop thinking one way she knew another. Focus so thoroughly on something that there wasn't time or room to think of anything else. 

 

\-----

 

Cullen POV

 

Nightmares plagued his sleep. Twisted versions of those long gone tormented him with sweet words and promises of things that would never happen. 

He woke covered in sweat, sitting upright in his cot. Tossing the blankets to the side, he swung his legs so his feet sat firmly on the packed earth that served as his floor. Grounding, comforting, real. He raked his shaking hands through his soaked hair and let out a sigh. How many nights had it been since he was able to sleep? Without nightmares or fear around every turn? Without seeing  _ Her _ eyes looking back? 

He couldn't remember a time before. 

Cullen stood, joints stiff and muscles sore, and walked to his armor stand. He never felt comfortable without it on while awake. Even at this early hour. 

He, ever so briefly, thought about getting some of his paperwork done, but knew he wouldn't be able to focus. Instead he left the confines of his tent to stroll in the cold outside. He hoped it would banish the last of his nightmares. 

He made his way towards the training field in search of a training dummy. Hitting something always worked in waking him fully, and it was a productive release of his anger when the demons took it too far. The field was far enough away from the tents he didn't worry about waking others. 

What he didn't expect to see was Nina sitting not too far away, near the lake. 

Cullen had been avoiding her. He didn't know what to make of it all...what to make of her. 

Cullen had done everything he could to distance himself from his former life. He had left the Templar Order, quit lyrium, joined the Inquisition to atone for his past mistakes and failings. He didn't want the life of an addict. A life so zoned out he couldn't see the wrong being done in front of him. Cassandra had given him a purpose, a place to find himself. But every time he turned around there was something else pulling at him to give in. 

Nina was every bit of what he feared and loathed about the Order...and himself. She had suffered unnecessarily at the hands of his brothers-in-arms. And he was too drugged out on lyrium and suspicious of mages to notice that suffering.

Cullen watched her as Nina curled her legs to her chest while sitting on the ground. She was slowly swaying from side to side. The hood on her mantle was pulled back and her hair disheveled. 

She was suffering still, in silence, just as he was.

He felt as if he  _ needed _ nothing but to go to her and apologize for everything. Bring her some comfort that he knew she needed. Maybe bring both of them some closure they desperately wanted. 

But he couldn't...

It would hurt her more than help. Just being in his presence would do more harm than good. Knowing he was standing there, watching her could even be enough to cause her to black out again. 

He hadn't felt this helpless since he was forced to watch Solana be made Tranquil all those years ago.

  
So he turned and left, as quietly as he could, and made his way back to his tent to hide from the cruel world a little longer. 


	14. Poisoned Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More companion encounters and nicknames. Yay nickname!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a bonus chapter. It is your Thursday chapter. Technically is Thursday for me....by like 10 minutes, but still.

 

 

It had been WEEKS since Jayson left to find the missing scouts in Fallow Mire. He had taken Solas, Sera, and Cassandra with him. Nina was glad she didn't have to listen to the banter between them. Sera’s distaste for all things ‘elfy’ - even though she was one - set Solas off. Solas and Cassandra were still not speaking with each other, and Nina couldn't blame them after what she found out about the war room conversation. Then there was Cassandra's inability to handle Sera’s childishness. Nina felt sorry for Jayson right now. 

She also wished Jayson had taken Vivienne instead of Solas…

“You there...Tranquil. I require your assistance,” Madame de Fer’s voice was unmistakable. She always managed to have a tone of command mixed with impatience without ever having to raise her voice. 

Nina had managed to avoid Vivienne since she arrived in Haven, but it was made increasingly harder when the enchanter set up shop right inside the Chantry doors. Nina couldn't blame her. It was one of the warmer buildings in the town and it made sure everyone was able to see her in all her “glorious perfection”.  _ ‘Brown noser much,’  _ Nina had thought when she had overheard one Orlesian nobles spew than one out. 

The dark skinned woman was wearing her patented white robe/pants combo with the large keyhole cut in the front to show her cleavage. However, she wasn't wearing the horned hat Nina had assumed she would be. Her head was bare showing her closely cut hair and it made her very, high cheek bones stand out even more.

Vivienne really was a gorgeous woman; too bad her personality poisoned any beauty the mage had on the outside. The woman was willing to sell out the freedom of other mages strictly to gain a foothold and further her own political gains. 

Just thinking about interacting with Vivienne made Nina slightly nauseous and so she continued walking as if she had not heard the enchanter speak. 

“Excuse me, Tranquil,” Vivienne started to walk up from behind her. 

Nina couldn't ignore her from this distance and turned to address her. “Yes, Madame de Fer?”

“I require your assistance. Follow me,” Vivienne didn't even wait to see if Nina was going to follow before she turned and started walking back towards her alcove. 

“Madame de Fer, if the matter is not urgent I can ask another to aid you. I am needed elsewhere.” Vivienne stopped and turned slowly to look at her over her shoulder. 

“Oh come now. It won't take long and then I will release you back to your other duties.”

“Do you not have servants, Madame?”

“Yes, but they are otherwise occupied and not here. You are,” Vivienne had turned to her once more.

“I am only passing through, Madame. There are several others here who would be more than willing to gain favor from you, were you to ask them instead. Since I am not in need of your favor, I must decline my assistance.”

Vivienne’s movements were smooth and fluid, but only a fool would consider them anything but threatening. She sauntered over to Nina, until she was within arms reach. When she stopped, Vivienne raised her chin and lifted her nose, striking the “I'm better than you pose” adopted by most nobility. Nina knew she had been playing with fire when she didn't simply give in to the mage. Now she might literally burn. 

“You will help me carry my books, Tranquil.” 

The scene had not gone unnoticed. The Chantry sisters who had been talking nearby, watching the interaction, were now silent and taking a step back. Only the occasional whisper breaking the silence. 

“My name is Nina, Madame de Fer, not Tranquil. It is impolite to refer to someone as such. And as I have stated, I am needed elsewhere. By your leave,” she did a stiff bow and turned on her heels hoping to make a quick escape out of the Chantry. It wasn't the brightest idea she had ever had. Pick a fight with a mage and then turn her back. Especially a mage that wouldn't think twice about freezing her solid or setting her on fire just for disrespecting her. 

Out of nowhere another voice broke the silence. “Oh, there you are, Wildfire. I've been looking everywhere for you,” Varric feigned exasperation. She could have kissed that wonderful dwarf as he looked up clearly talking to her. 

“I am sorry for the delay, Master Tethras. I was momentarily occupied by another matter,” Nina said aiming one last jab at Vivienne knowing the mage could still hear her. 

“Pssh...don't worry about it,” he waved her over and beckoned her to follow. “Come, on. We can't keep the others waiting. Have a nice evening, Madame de Fer.” 

Vivienne looked as if she had been sucking on a lemon when Nina dared glance back for one final look. 

Once they had gotten passed the requisitions tent and down to the first house on the left, Nina slowed down. “I do not think I can properly express my gratitude, Master Tethras.”

“Varric, please, and I'm glad someone finally put her in her place. She's been a menace since she's gotten here. The only reason she bothered stopping you is because all of the other servants have been avoiding her,” he turned his head to look at her. “Don't go around saying I said that though. I would hate to become a frozen dwarf statue.”

“Then it was my pleasure, Varric. However, I do not believe I will be repeating that experience.”

“I don't blame you, Wildfire. How about we go have a drink? My treat. I'm sure your nerves have to be shot after that.”

“That would be much appreciated.”

They went into the tavern, sat, and Varric asked Flissa for two ales. Nina didn't normally drink. She was already impaired enough as it was on a regular basis. However, she wasn't going to turn down a drink offered by Varric “freaking” Tethras. So she sat and sipped while he talked. 

The conversation meandered from his writing, to his time in Kirkwall, then to his introduction to the Inquisition.  _ ‘He really likes to talk.’ _

“Speaking of which, do you know when the others will return? It has been a few weeks since their leaving,” Nina asked when there was a lull in the conversation. 

“Should be any day now. Nightingale got word from them not long ago.”

“Do you know what is taking them so long?”

“Well, it seems someone is impatient. Who are you going to like seeing more...our handsome Herald or our charming Chuckles?”

“I beg your pardon,” she had been about to take a drink. Luckily she hadn't, otherwise she would have been choking on it. 

“Don't play dumb with me, Wildfire.”

“Wildfire?” She tilted her head in question. “I have always been curious as to how you come up with your nicknames, Varric. Is mine meant as a play on opposites like Chuckles?” She was trying to get off the former topic.

“Ha...no. Not at all. You have managed to sweep through here like a force of nature. Not only do you have the Herald  _ and  _ Solas wrapped around your little finger, what you did with Vivienne…” He paused, shaking his head. “That is what settled it for me.”

“I do not have anyone wrapped, Varric, and no one should have to put up with being made to feel less than they are.” 

“If you say so, Wildfire,” he just smiled at her. 

_ ‘I bet he has already started the betting pool on who Jayson is going to end up with.’ _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My day is going to be spent at work nearly in its entirety. I didn't want to take the chance of trying to post between shifts or after closing and forget, so I figured why not now. 
> 
> Any comments you guys leave me would probably go a long way in keeping me sane.


	15. A Thing for Redheads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solas POV

 

Camp that night was a welcome sight. The rain had managed to soak everything. Solas’ waterlogged robes clung tightly to his frame and he nearly ached to be dry again. He had used a good deal of his mana when they joined the fight with The Iron Bull’s Chargers and even his warming spell had suffered slightly for it. The Storm Coast was aptly named indeed. 

The semi permanent site had raised tents sitting on platforms that kept the floor dry. It also allowed for cots to be used. There was a waterproof canvas tarp over a large portion of the area. Overlapping areas that had slits in it to let the smoke from the fire escape without letting the rain in. The fire was larger in diameter than most campsites. It burned low and hot to provide more warmth and less light. Everyone took the opportunity to dry themselves and their wet clothes in the heat as they sat and ate. 

The Blades of Hessarian's shared some of their rations and fresh baked bread with the group. It was a sight better than the road rations they had been primarily eating since they left Haven. Sera had managed to take down a ram or two, but her incessant talking would normally drive them away before they even came within range.

Everyone else was sitting around the fire once Solas joined them, along with the newest member. Solas had hoped the large Qunari would have left with his company, but Iron Bull deemed it necessary to stay and send them ahead. It would take them longer to reach Haven on foot. 

Solas sat on the farthest log from the fire. It was still warm enough to combat the damp and chill, but far enough to not be pulled into conversation easily. It didn't stop him from listening to all of it, however. 

Iron Bull had ducked to get under the tarp. His height made it nearly impossible to get his large horns under cover without tearing holes in the fabric. But he managed and sat near Jayson. Everyone else was scattered to sit as far apart as possible and still be in range of the warmth. 

Their travels so far had been barely tolerable. The only thing cutting through the bickering was the occasional bandit or bear that crossed their path. 

No one broke the silence for a good while until Jayson finally decided to speak. “It seems we have done all we can here for now. Now that we have Bull and the Chargers we can go back to Haven.”

“Thank the Maker,” Cassandra said exasperated. Her armor was in her lap as she polished it to combat the rust trying to set in. 

“It's about friggin’ time. I'm tired of havin’ water in places it shouldn't be,” Sera said from her seat.

“I would have guessed you'd be more comfortable being outside,” Bull comment to her.

“Wot? How'd you figure that shite?”

“I thought most elves were more comfortable in nature,” Bull was clearly messing with her as he shrugged. Solas could tell he was just trying to get a feeling for her reactions, like he had been doing to everyone all afternoon. 

“Don't give me none of that elf shite. Leave the trees and weirdness to mister elfyist of elves over there,” she cocked a thumb in Solas’ direction. “Give me a town or city and a noble I can stick an arrow in any day over this piss.”

“You mean you guys don't wander in the woods and dance in fields of flowers together?” Iron Bull said feigning ignorance. 

Sera clearly missed the joke if the look of pure horror on her face was any indication. “You can go shove it if you think I'm going anywhere  _ alone _ with elfy egghead mage,” she took a bite of bread and mumbled, “Friggin’ nutters is what you are.”

Solas just sat there listening. He had already tried convincing Sera that magic wasn't evil and there was nothing better in the world than being one of the People, but she refused to listen. Making disgustingly rude noises and gestures. He was not about to be pulled into it again. 

Iron Bull tried to subtly get Solas’ attention, but he was dead set on avoiding the questions the Qunari would aim at him.  He didn't trust the Iron Bull or the Qun. Solas chose to keep his focus on wringing the the water out of his clothing. So, Iron Bull’s gaze slid off of him after a few brief moments and landed on the Jayson.

“So, Boss, is this the whole crew or do you have more back in Haven?” Iron Bull asked.

“Wouldn't you already know that, Bull? You did know our spymaster is a redhead when we first talked.”

“True,” the Qunari paused briefly. “But you gotta admit redheads are hot, it'd be a shame to forget a detail like that,” he smiled. There was mischievous intent was in his eyes. “Haven doesn't seem to be in short supply of redheads either.”

Jayson just laughed and Solas couldn't keep from stiffening his body slightly. He knew Iron Bull noticed. 

“That's true, but the Leliana is not to be taken lightly. She would probably have you killed if you so much as made a suggestion,” Jayson continued laughing.

Iron Bull let out a burst of laughter himself. “The fiery the better.”

“Just don't say I didn't warn you.”

“I'm sure there are others who'd be up for a quick roll... _ if _ she turns me down.”

“As long as there is consent on both sides,” Jayson replied with a small laugh, but his eyes took a more serious edge to get his point across. A warning. 

“Of course, Boss. The ladies can't resist me. I always get consent.”

At the point Cassandra had had enough and retired to her tent for the night. Saying something about men and their egos while walking away. Solas was about to do the same thing when the conversation picked back up.

“While we are on the topic of redheads, there is one person I'm going to ask you to stay away from...”

Bull cut in before Jayson could finish. “Oh, is it a special lady friend of yours, Boss?” 

“Friend...yes. Her name is Nina. She is under my protection.”

“Oy, you mean that creepy Tranquil girl?” Sera asked.

“She not creepy, Sera.”

“Pssh, if you say so. Somethin’ ain't right about her. Besides you'd be steppin’ on elfy’s toes with that one, not the Herald’s.”

“Excuse me?” It was the first time he had spoken in hours. Solas was caught off guard. He wasn't the only one. Jayson looked in his direction, but he was too distracted by Sera’s comment to pay it much attention. 

“Don't deny it. I've seen you makin’ doe eyes at her.”

“I do not make doe eyes, Sera. She is a friend and under my protection as much as the Herald’s.”

“Bet you wish she was under something. Namely you,” Sera quipped.

Solas just huffed and didn't respond to her. He knew if he did it would only escalate her insinuations. 

Bull decided to rejoin the conversation and tried to reassure them. “Don't worry, Solas. I know not to take from others.”

“She isn't a thing to be taken, Iron Bull. She is a person, and she doesn't  _ belong _ to me,” With that he left the comfort and heat of the fire, turning to his tent. 

He was glad he was sharing a tent with Jayson and not Iron Bull. He wasn't sure he wouldn't set the Qunari on fire at the moment. 

Solas couldn't wait to get back to Haven to the comfort and  _ silence _ of his cabin...among other things.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Not gonna lie, this was probably the most nerve wracking chapter to write so far. Iron Bull and Sera are my least comfortable characters to write. But I hoped I didn't do a bad job and you still enjoyed it. 
> 
> Also my roommate [ Terion ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Terion/profile) wasn't able to proof read due to a frantic chapter rewrite for her story, so my friend [ n3rdybird ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/n3rdybird/profile) helped me out this time.


	16. Lost Possibilities

 

 

_ She woke in her queen size bed. The bright teal bedspread was pushed down and kicked to where her toes stuck out from underneath. Her small apartment bedroom was always warmer during the spring and summer, since it took the brunt of the sun during the daylight hours. The sun had filtered in through the blinds, and the light landed on her face, leaving her momentarily blinded as she rolled over.  _

_ Nina was excited to start her day. It was a life changing time for her. She had been accepted to the study abroad system and finally had enough money to pay for her expenses while there. This week she had settled her affairs in the States and packed to go overseas. Watercolors in Greece! She nearly couldn't believe it. She had always wanted to travel more and this was a perfect opportunity. _

_ There was a knock on the door and Nina went to answer it. Her mom stood there with boxes in hand and a smile on her face, followed by Nina’s less than enthused little brother. Even if he did tower over her, he would always be her little brother.  _

_ The day progressed with packing and gossip. Her family was almost as excited as she was. Of course her over cautious mom constantly told her things to watch out for while there. Nina would be gone for six months. The longest and farthest she had ever been away from her family. It was a bit of a sad thing to think about, but her excitement overruled everything else. Nina reassured her mom she'd be alright...again. _

_ The next day her apartment was completely packed and everything, but what she was taking, stored away in a storage unit. She was standing at the plane terminal, surrounded by her family saying her goodbyes. Nina’s mom told her for the millionth time to be careful. Her dad reminding her of the weak points to easily take someone down if she felt threatened. Each brother had a request to bring back a souvenir and to keep them updated with pictures.  _

_ With one final hug to each of them she turned and walked away. She clung to her carry on bag like a lifeline. Calming breaths did not help the mix of emotions running through her. _

_ “Nina,” Her mom called to her. She was getting her ticket checked when her mom shouted her name. _

_ “Nina,” she had just started to look back. _

“Nina,” another voice broke through.

She looked around and was surrounded by dust covered books. It took her a moment to regain her senses, but she was clearly in her work room below the Chantry. Not the airport seeing her family for the last time. 

Nina looked up to find Jayson leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and looking directly at her. He seemed concerned. 

“Yes?” she finally asked when she got her bearings.

“I've been calling your name for awhile. Are you alright?”

“Certainly. I was just lost in thought.”

“Anything you want to talk about? I found it helps,” the look on his face was kind and open. 

Nina wanted to talk about them. About how she got her red hair from her mom and her green eyes from her dad. How all of them were taller than her. How she constantly had to ask her little brother to get things off of the top shelves. She wasn't short by any means, but even at 5’6” it was like living in a house with giants growing up.

She wanted to tell someone about the way her mom welcomed almost everyone into her home like family. No one ever left hungry and always had a place to sleep if they needed it. The way she and her brothers would randomly burst into song at get togethers no matter who was around. The way her dad always seemed to pull them into adventures at the oddest times. 

But…

She couldn't tell him about her dad's love of Star Wars or road trips all packed into a car. The camping trips to the national parks to go rappelling and canoeing. Her and her mom vegging out watching Firefly or Star Trek for an entire day. The way she and her brothers would compete over video games to see who could get the better score. It was all a part of who they are - were - and how can she even begin to express the longing she felt when she would have to hold back. 

Nina sigh internally. “I do not believe it will help in this case, Jayson, but thank you for the offer of listening.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” she wanted to change topics before it became too much. “When did you get back to Haven?”

“Around midmorning. I decided to come and find you when it started getting dark. To be honest, I was a little hurt when you didn't greet us as we rode into town,” he finished with a frown. It was for show though. He was playing it up. 

“I was unaware you required a welcoming party. Perhaps in the future I could organize something better for your return with more sufficient notice, Herald,” she joked back. 

He missed it. “I was joking, Nina. There's no need to make anything official out of it.”

“My apologies. I was trying to be funny. It is difficult when you cannot use the proper inflection or sarcasm required to make it seem that way.”

“All the more reason we should spend more time together. I could get to know you better and pick up on the small details,” he was looking directly at her. Maintaining eye contact. It was a bit unnerving. He was also radiating charm from the smile he aimed at her. 

_ ‘Is he flirting with me?’ _

“While the offer is tempting, Jayson, I'm sure you have more pressing matters to attend to than spend time with me.”

“We will be in Haven for a few days before we leave for Redcliffe. You should join me for a drink while I'm here.”

“Who will you be taking with you?” he wasn't prepared for the shift.

“I'm not sure yet,” he looked back to her. “But you didn't answer my question. Will you have a drink with me?”

_ “ _ Are you flirting…. with me?” she couldn't hold the question in.

“Possibly,” he shrugged.

“That is unwise, Jayson.”

“You are an attractive woman and deserve to be treated as such. Flirting never hurt anyone.”

“I am Tranquil,” she replied flatly.

“We both know that isn't true.”

He wasn't getting it. She wanted to walk up to him and Gibbs smack him in the back of the head. 

“Yes, we know that. As does a handful of people, but what about the rest? The world perceives  me as Tranquil. How would the world perceive the Herald of Andraste flirting with a Tranquil woman?” He stayed silent so she continued. “Speculation would become rampant. Am I willing or are you forcing.” He paled. 

“I think I'm beginning to understand,” his shoulders slumped and his arms fell to his side. 

_ ‘Aww he looks like a kicked puppy…’ _

Jayson needed someone that could support him. Someone he could vent to and lean on when the trails ahead seemed overwhelming. He deserved someone that could bring him happiness in this dark time in the world. 

Nina couldn't be the one to give it to him. As she is, she is just a constant reminder of the cruelty in the world. How could she even attempt  _ anything  _ with  _ anyone _ in her condition? She needed to distance herself from him to give him a chance at happiness. 

“Besides, you remind me too much of someone else for us to be anything but friends.”

“An ex-lover?” he asked teasingly. 

“No...a brother.”

“Ouch....,” he put a hand on his chest. “That hurts. Right here.”

“I am sure you will recover with time.”

“You know, you remind me of someone as well. She always had a knack for looking at a situation  and finding all the ways it could go wrong and compensate for them.”

“And whom might that be?” Nina asked.

“A sister,” he smiled. “It always bugged her when I didn't think  _ strategically  _ before I did anything and everything. I have always been better at getting out of trouble  _ if _ it goes wrong than thinking three moves ahead.”

“Both abilities are good traits to have, but I agree. Thinking ahead is the better course of action in most cases.”

“Maker, I hope you two never meet each other,” he laughed. 

“Would you still like to have that drink?” Nina shifted back to the original topic since no hard feelings were to be had. 

“Most definitely,” Jayson stood from his leaning position and extended her an arm to walk with him to the Singing Maiden. 

She brushed passed him refusing the arm in the process. “That also looks suspicious, Jayson.”

“What?” he whined playfully. “It's my brotherly duty to make sure you are escorted safely to your destination.”

“And it is my sisterly duty to make it as hard on you as possible.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this is not a self insert story, I couldn't help but give Nina the best family possible. Especially after what Ive put her through. The character traits are pretty much exactly my family even if the physical ones are not. 
> 
> My family really is a bunch of geeks and I love it. 
> 
> My brothers and I have played all of the DA games and we all have our own, different favorite. We are constantly discussing the merits of why our favorite is better. 
> 
> My dad recently bought the Dragon Age games to play after he listened to me talk about the world and interweaving of it all. He is currently fighting through Kinloch in Origins. He got a bit stuck in the Fade. Lol
> 
> And my mom, even though she knows nothing about Dragon Age other than what I've told her, has read ever single chapter of my story so far. (I would love it if you would say HI to her.)
> 
> So the chapter is dedicated to them. Love you guys.


	17. Faded Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what....It's my birthday! Which means birthday chapter! YAY!

 

 

The Fade.

Home of the Maker’s Golden City and his first “children”. The place in which your soul passes before going to the Maker's side or back to the Void if you have turned from him.

Land of the Dead and forbidden to those of the Qun.

Thought of as the realm of the Old Gods and the seat of power by Ancient Tevinter.

Also an ancient, holy place of knowledge the ancient elvhen went during uthenera. Where the Evanuris are said to be imprisoned in the Ethereal City when Fen’Harel tricked them.

To Nina it was just green, and dark, and a bit dreary. The Black City ever present in the distance.

She wondered how the ancient magisters ever made it there. Even the idea of sacrificing hundreds or thousands of slaves for blood magic, while deplorable, didn't make it seem plausible to get any closer to it.

“Da’ajuelan, you are troubled,” Solas said as soon as he came within distance of her bubble. It was sudden and without warning. If she hadn't gotten used to the feel of him as soon as he came near her space she would have been startled.

“Not anymore than I normally am,” Nina sighed staring off into the fade she couldn't touch.

“I did not think it was possible, but this feels more melancholy than normal. Would you like to say what is on your mind?”

“What is it with people wanting me to talk to them?” she huffed. Solas just furrowed his brow in response. “Jayson offered earlier. I didn't speak with him then and I'm not going to now.”

“Very well. The offer stands if you change your mind, however.”

“Noted,” she stood from her spot in the center of the bubble and turned towards him. “Can you change the Fade? Here, I mean. Can you create something other than….this?” she pointed to the green tinted mists and dark rock surrounding her bubble.

“Yes, but since it is not my dream space it takes more energy and will to shape it. If there are memories tied to the location I could bring those forward. They would be more unstable and easily lost since I'm not physically here. Also, if I'm correct in the physical location, I do not believe it would be wise to pull from the memories etched here,” he stopped to look at her. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh...never mind. I had a thought,” slight disappointment echoed through her voice to her emotions.

“What was the thought, da’ajuelan?”

_‘He isn't going to let it go,’_ she thought.

“It's of no consequence,” she waved a hand in his general direction. “I just wanted to see something different is all.”

“Different?” he looked confused.

“Yes, different. Every night for four years I've seen the same things. I have gotten use to it. Most nights, when spirits don't come to speak with me, I usually meditate. It would have been nice to see something other than _green_.”

“You do not dream,” It wasn't a question.

Nina couldn't tell the emotion coming off of him. Either Solas had gotten better at suppressing his emotions around her or hers were dampening the feeling. Something flickered across his face for the briefest of moments that Nina couldn't catch.

“I daydream all the time,” she shrugged, trying to ease whatever had the corners of his mouth turned down slightly.

“That is not the same thing, da’ajuelan,” he chided.

“No, I suppose not,” she looked back towards the Black City in all its speculative glory. “But no dreams also mean no nightmares. Well, nightmares not made in the waking world anyway.”

“Why do you do that?” he huffed.

“Do what?”

“You always try to justify something about your situation. You should be able to dream. Nightmares or no. You should be able to laugh and cry and find joy in life.”

“Firstly, I'm not justifying anything. The words cruel and unusual punishment come to mind often,” she crossed her arms and one hand absent mindedly started rubbing the opposing arm. “Secondly, I am an optimist, even with everything I have gone through. Sometimes the only thing that will let you get out of bed in the morning and continue your life is to find the good in _every_ situation you are put through. So I still find joy in my own way. I just have to dig deeper than most to find it.”

Solas didn't speak, so she said it another way he may understand better. “Ar banalasal himana. Ar ame nuven'in.”

“Where did you learn Elvhen?”

_‘That was one hell of a shift.’_

“Learning. It is quite helpful to have around when dealing with the unfamiliar.”

“Ahh...I would have guessed a parent given your heritage,” she cocked her head to the side and looked at him questioningly. “Your ears, Nina, are not round. Anyone paying attention would notice them.”

“Of all the things people generally point out about me, that's actually the least common one to find.”

“Which of your parents?”

She knew what he was asking, but she wasn't going to make it easy for him. “You'll have to be more specific, Solas.”

He huffed, “Which of you parents are of the People?”

“Why do you call elves ‘The People’?” She could shift topics too.

“Elvhenan was the first of the mighty empires of the world. It is only fitting they are known as the People.”

“I would have guessed it was because the ancient Elvhen didn't see other races _as_ people.”

“There have been some who believed that. I have found such memories in the Fade,” he was looking at her oddly and she knew why.

“Do you believe that as well?”

“You are evading my previous question, da’ajuelan. You will not distract me so easily,”

“I can say the same, Solas.”

They were both very good at sidestepping, dodging, and deflecting each other. Solas had much more practice than Nina, but she had had a chance to practice over her long conversations with him. She was able to hold her own for a time, but there always seemed to be that tipping point where he bested her with skill. Like any dual or sparring match, the one with more real world experience generally came out on top.

She sighed when all he did was look at her expectantly, “Perhaps it's something I would rather not talk about.”

“Perhaps.”

She sat down once more. “I need to meditate, Solas. Is there any way we can call our chat short tonight,” Nina closed her eyes and started her deep breathing. Legs crossed and wrists on her knees, palms facing up.

“Ma nuvenin, Nina. I will see you tomorrow.”

She felt something shift and believed Solas was gone. Nina opened her eyes once more to make sure and was absolutely blown away with what see saw.

There was a field of wildflowers in every shade imaginable. Miles of gently rolling hills surrounded her, speckled with vibrant color in every direction.  Colors Nina didn't even know could be made in nature. Puffy white clouds dotted a blue sky. A gentle breeze blew through the trees in the distance and made the flowers dance when it passed by them. It was silent, without a trace of life anywhere to disturb the gorgeous serenity of it.

Nina turned to find Solas watching her reactions. She expected the smug grin she saw when she first turned. She didn't expect it to change when he saw her face. Her smile was so large it made her cheeks hurt.  Unshed tears of joy glistened in her eyes, blurring the colors together before she could blink and press them back.

There had been many places she has seen on Earth and since arriving in Thedas. Wonderful cities, stunning oceans, and even deserts that held a harsh beauty to them. But this….this was _made_ for _her_.

She gazed upon the beauty in front of her and wished with everything she could just feel the breeze blowing through her hair. Being apart of it would make it more perfect than it already was.

“Ma serannas, Solas. Na ame lasem em somniar.”

“Ma neral, Nina,” and with that he turned and left.

Her dream lasted the rest of the night. All need for meditation and pushing negative emotions away was forgotten.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ar banalasal himana. Ar ame nuven'in. - I refuse to drown. I have great wishes.
> 
> Ma serannas, Solas. Na ame lasem em somniar. - My thanks, Solas. You have given me a dream.
> 
> Ma neral - My pleasure
> 
>  
> 
> Looking at the different views about the Fade left me pondering a few things. Mainly about the Qun. I wonder if the reason the Qun punishes their Saarebas is more out of their connection to the Fade (which is forbidden) and less out of fear of magic. Or maybe it started that way and shifted over time to fear.
> 
>  
> 
> As always you guys are awesome and thank you for your continued reading and support. :-D


	18. Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nina just can't seem to catch a break for very long....

 

 

The previous morning Nina had watched Jayson, Solas, Varric, and the Iron Bull ride out of Haven. They had spent a total of three days in town before leaving again. She knew there was so much that needed to happen, but she was worried they were going too quickly and not resting enough.

She was also slightly upset that Jayson took the two other people she could actually talk to.

With the maps already taken care of for all the regions the Inquisition was in so far, Nina needed another distraction to keep her mind occupied. She sought out Seggrit to buy fabric from him. It had been too long since she had a proper change of clothes and Nina planned to rectify that. Nina gravitated towards the cool colors and picked out a thick and lovely navy blue.

She made her way to her work room, daring to pass by Vivienne, who always seemed to narrow her gaze upon Nina anytime she was nearby. But her space under the Chantry was the only place suitable for laying out the fabric and cutting it, so she went anyway.

Her mom always insisted she learn how to sew and it came in handy more often than she could count. It took years before she felt comfortable enough to make actual clothing from scratch instead of just patching holes. The lack of a measuring tape didn't help, but she made due and left space for gores if necessary.

An hour later Nina had her pieces cut and was about to start stitching when she realized her thread was in her tent. So she gathered her things and proceeded to her tiny tent outside Haven’s walls.

She didn't make it that far, however.

Nina hadn't been paying attention to those around her as she walked, so she was startled to a sudden stop when Cassandra was standing in front of her.

“I would like to speak to you,” the Seeker stated matter of factly.

_‘Shit.’_

“May I set my things inside of my tent before we speak?”

“May I ask why you are trying to get close to the Herald?”

They were standing in the open just outside the gates to town. This was not the place to talk. Several of the Chargers, including Krem, had turned to look in their direction. There wasn't a scene yet, but Nina knew it could turn ugly any moment. Cassandra still wasn't happy about what was said about her order.

“I will answer your questions if you would allow us to talk somewhere more private, Seeker Pentagast.”

“Fine. I will escort you to your tent,” Cassandra held out her hand in indication for Nina to go first.

Having the Seeker at her back made her nervous. Nina knew Cassandra was a nice person if only a little...intense at times. However, what Nina didn't know was if she would be willing to listen.

Setting her things down on her cot, Nina turned back around to find Cassandra standing defensively with her arms crossed in the open flap to her tent.

“I will repeat myself only once. Why are you getting close to the Herald?”

“In all honesty, I tried to avoid him in the beginning. He chose to seek me out after our initial contact.”

“Avoidance does not seem any less innocent.”

“No, but it is the truth.”

“Why are you here? In Haven?”

“I had intended to only stop long enough to gather supplies before continuing. Then the Breach happened and I did not feel safe traveling on my own afterwards.”

Definitely lying on that one. Nina was not about to tell her the truth and her stone like face made it easier to pull it off

“Are you truly capable of feeling?” Cassandra was finally getting to the questions she had expected.

“Yes,” Nina maintained eye contact with her even though it was extremely intimidating.

“I will need proof before I believe such a ridiculous statement,” she huffed.

“How am I capable of showing proof in my current condition? What proof would be sufficient?”

“You must have some way of proving it otherwise the Herald wouldn't have fallen for such a lie.”

“Perhaps he is a good judge of character.”

“Are you implying that I am not?” her voice had risen slightly with that.

“There is no need to imply. Actions speak louder than words, Seeker, and you have wrongfully interrogated others when truth was staring you in the face.”

Nina knew that was the wrong thing to say as soon as it passed her lips. Cassandra's face turned red with anger.

_‘Why do I keep antagonizing people that can easily kill me!’_

Nina rushed to fix this before it became more of a problem. “Seeker Pentagast, if I were truly and completely Tranquil, as you believe, I would be incapable of lying. There would be no need to make falsehoods. Since I am not completely Tranquil I have no reason to lie about it.”

“Yet you point fingers and spin lies about others to get attention. How am I to know what is a lie and not?”

“If you are referring to the Templars or Seekers, I have told no lies. They refused to listen to direct orders from the Divine and did in fact cover up their knowledge.”

“You continue you spew lies!”

This wasn't good. Fear started to rise up under her skin and she knew she needed to escape. With Cassandra blocking the only exit, however, it made that impossible. Nina didn't know how to ease Cassandra's anger. She was scared and trapped.

“Cassandra, why are you yelling?” another voice filtered in through the canvas walls of her tent.

Cullen.

It didn't fill her with hope.

“This woman continues to spout lies. I will not tolerate it.”

Cullen made the slightest glance into the tent and briefly locked eyes with Nina before turning away to address Cassandra fully.

“Is this about what was said in the war room?”

Nodding she replied, “Yes, how can anyone believe such blatant accusations?”

“How could anyone not?” he asked.

It caught them both off guard. Nina looked to him even if only briefly. Cassandra was lost for words, her mouth hanging slightly open.

“ _You_ believe _her?_ ” Cassandra flailed a hand towards Nina.

“It's not about whether I believe or not, Cassandra, but I will not overlook the possibility that she could be telling the truth. Without more to go on we can't discredit her.” He looked to Nina, which she caught in her peripheral vision. “I have spent too long overlooking things and hurting many for my personal bias.”

Cassandra grunted disgustedly and pulled back out of the tent. “If you have need of me, Commander, I will be training.”

Nina nodded her thanks to him once he turned to her. She hoped he would understand her gratitude without words. Neither of them it seemed were up for talking yet as he nodded back and walked away.

Nina sat on her bed as they left and put her head in her hands.

Why?

Why was he choosing now to stand up for her? They had been avoiding each other for months. Why did now make a difference? Did he actually believe her or was he just trying to placate the situation?

Yes, he joined the Inquisition to better himself. Yes, he quit lyrium. Yes, he was trying to be a better person….but he still had his prejudices. Against the mages mostly. He still defended the Templars. He was still a “bad guy” from Kirkwall in her mind.

If he believed her he would be accepting something far worse than just the everyday cruelties of the Order. They killed _hundreds_ of _innocents_ to cover their own asses.

So why take her side?

And how was she going to live with Cassandra after this?

Nina spent the rest of the next two days in her tent sewing. She decided to add embellishments to it. Not out of necessity, but to keep her mind from tormenting itself further.


	19. Now It's Personal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learning a little about Jayson Trevelyan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jayson POV

 

 

“Woah, Jayson, slow down! Not all of us have long legs.” Varric called from behind him.

Jayson wasn't going to stop. He couldn't stop. He was livid. 

How could the mages be so stupid as to align with a Tevinter Magister? Not even align. They essentially sold themselves into servitude to him. 

Then to find out they had been manipulated. Time twisted to benefit Alexius. For what? To get closer to him? To the Herald of Andraste? A title that has proven to be nothing but an inconvenience from the beginning?

No, he wouldn't stop until that Magister was brought to whatever justice necessary. Alexius had made this personal for Jayson. Even if he hadn't realized it yet. 

Rhedyn was here. She was with the rest of the mages before the Conclave. Jayson had gone to the Temple of Sacred Ashes to find her, or find out where she was. At the time he was upset that she hadn't been there. Looking back, he was glad she wasn't. He couldn't even think about what would have happened if he had lost her in the explosion. If he had lost the last person he truly cared about. If he had lost Rhedyn, his sister, he would have been truly devastated.

Rhedyn was younger by three years. Jayson was so proud to be a big brother from the moment she was born. He had taken a personal responsibility to look after her from that very day. 

She was the youngest of them all and the only girl among three boys. When their mother passed it forced them to grow up quickly, especially Rhedyn. As the only female in the house she'd had a tough time, but Jayson made sure she could sneak off to enjoy her childhood as much as possible. They had become as thick as thieves and nearly inseparable….until she came into her magic. 

It had come as a shock to them all. The day that their father declared she was to marry a minor lordling in Tantervale was the day it happened. She was only fifteen. Their father had bypassed the one request she had asked for: to choose her future husband for herself. Standing in the study of their home, Jayson watched as Rhedyn’s anger flared and set the books behind their father's head on fire.

The Templars arrived the next day and Jayson watched as Lord Trevelyan turned his back on his only daughter. He vowed to never do the same.

Now Jayson was frantically searching through Redcliffe for Rhedyn. He had managed to keep his calm - at least on the outside - after leaving the Chantry and nearly halfway through the town. The beginnings of fear gripping at his chest the longer it took to find her. The combination of fear and anger was making it hard the think clearly.

“Yo, Boss, there's something over here I think you should take a look at,” Bull pointed towards the inside of a building near the docks. He held the door open as Jayson and the rest as they followed him in, before closing it behind them.

It was a small, dark cabin with dust covering most surfaces. Clearly hadn't been in use for a while. 

Jayson stopped just inside the entry to look at Bull. “What is it, Bull?”

Bull turned to him, “You need to calm down, Boss. I'll admit this Magister thing has everyone on edge, but you can't go storming through town like this. You're making people nervous.”

“What has you all worked up?” Varric questioned.

Jayson ran his hands down his face leaving one to clamp over his eyes. He took a deep breath before answering. “My sister, Rhedyn, is here and I  _ need  _ to find her.”

“Your sister is a mage?” Solas asked.

“Yes, she was in the Circle at Ostwick.”

“How do you know she is here?” asked Varric.

“She wrote me a few times before the Conclave saying she was with the rest of the rebel mages. Staying close to Grand Enchanter Fiona. She wasn't there when I went looking for her,” pain etched though his voice. “This is the only place she could be.”

“Do you want me to go ask around for her, Boss? It might be faster and easier if we ask someone who would know her.” Bull asked.

Varric chimed in once more, already on his way to the door. “No offense, Tiny, but you would scare them off before you even opened your mouth. Let me handle this.”

Bull just grunted in acknowledgment as Varric slipped out of the door. 

Jayson leaned up against an old, wooden table in the entryway to calm down further. He knew he was losing his head and needed to focus if he was going to be able to get through this. Bull leaned against the wall close to the door. At just a glance it looked like he was just resting, but Jayson knew he was far from relaxed and in a good defense position if someone unwelcome tried to come in. Solas wandered his way to a book sitting on a small desk near the window.

He heard Solas suck in a breath as he flipped through the book on the desk. When Jayson looked over to Solas on his right he could see scowl that played at his lips. It was a look Jayson hardly ever saw. He knew whatever it was wasn't anything good. 

Solas looked towards him and then away towards the rest of the small cabin they were in. Jayson could see the elf struggling to keep his emotions in check until his face returned to the blank mask Jayson knew he wore on a regular basis. 

“It seems Iron Bull did indeed find something when he brought us in here, even if unknowingly,” Solas said as he beckoned Jayson to join him in the next room.

“I'm not going to like this am I?” Jayson stood up with a sigh. Bull just looked on curiously not giving up his position.

“No,” Solas responded.

As he rounded the corner he saw stone pillars scattered throughout with runes embedded in one end of each of them. He noticed several shelves that were lined with skulls. They had a gem inserted into their right eye sockets. As he got closer, Jayson could almost swear he could hear whispers emanating from the skulls. Recognition sparked as he moved closer to examine them. 

“These are the ocularum we've been finding,” 

“Yes.” Solas’ one syllable replies were starting to worry him.

“What aren't you saying?”

“The skulls belonged to Tranquils.”

“Shit.”

“My sentiments exactly.” 

Bull walked around the wall and saw the skulls and runes and immediately turned around. “Nope. Not going near those.” 

The others all took his cue and left the back room only to find the door opening. Bull was quick to grab for his axe, but stilled when Varric walked in. 

“Did you find her?” Jayson asked as soon as Varric walked in. He craned his neck to look around the dwarf even if he could clearly see over him. When Jayson looked down at Varric he was rubbing his hands together. It was one of his nervous ticks. “What?”

“You aren't going to like it, Jayson.”

He sighed. “Just tell me, Varric.”

_ ‘What else can go wrong today!’  _ he thought as he looked at Varric.

“She's in Redcliffe castle as a personal guest of Alexius.”

“What?!” he asked disbelieving what he heard. 

“He found out her connection to you and sent for her.”

Jayson was seething. No one said a word as he tried to process what was happening. His  _ sister _ was in that castle, with  _ that _ man, because of  _ him _ ...

“FUCK!”

Jayson swung his clenched fist, catching all of them off guard with the sudden movement. Pain bloomed from his hand as he struck the wooden wall separating the rooms. The wood cracked and splintered from the force he put behind his strike. Dust started flying through the air after the impact. 

“That was unnecessary,” Solas commented as he looked at the cracked, bleeding knuckles on Jayson’s right hand when he pulled away from the wall.

“Maybe, but since I can't punch Alexius back to Tevinter it will have to do.”

“So, what now, Boss?” Bull asked. His companions looked to him with a mix of compassion and sympathy. 

He leaned back against the dividing wall. Hands on his face, covering his eyes from the looks he was receiving. He couldn't afford to lose it now. 

What could they do?

Jayson wanted nothing more than to walk to the castle, kick in the door and stab Alexius. He knew that wasn't the smartest choice of action, however. Rhedyn and Nina both wouldn't approve if he went charging forward without thought. They had to leave Redcliffe, that wasn't in question. He didn't feel safe here and it would be inviting someone to kill him in his sleep. But he didn't want to leave and ride a week back to Haven. He couldn't bring himself to be that far from his sister if anything were to happen.

  
“We are going to the Crossroads and figure it out from there,” he finally declared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jayson should have known better than to ask the question "What else could go wrong?"....
> 
> And I would hate to be Alexius right about now.


	20. Fade Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Fanart!!! It was wonderfully done by [ the_queen_of_thedas ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/the_queen_of_thedas).
> 
> Here is the link to the original Tumbler Post: http://the-queen-of-thedas.tumblr.com/post/152273096926/dreaming-tranquil-fanart

 

Solas approached the area hesitantly. He had never attempted to meet Nina while away. He did not know how she would react to his presence. Solas pushed his Will slightly out to gain her attention. She was sitting in the center of her barrier in a meditative state when he had arrived.

“You're back,” Nina said from her sitting position. She stood only when he drew closer to her.

“No, actually. We are still in the Hinterlands.”

“What?” her brow furrowed in confusion. “How are you here if you're not….here?”

“This space is in a fixed location. It is easily found no matter where I am.”

“Then why haven't you tried before?” There was an undertone of trepidation to the question.

“I do not make a habit of entering other's dream without permission, Da’ajuelan,” he replied smoothly.

“Is there a reason you have decided to now?” she asked. There was irritation and...fear? He was a bit surprised by the reaction.

“We will not be back for sometime,” he paused to think about his next statement. “Trevelyan asked me to see if you were doing well.”

“Oh, well as you can see I'm fine,” It was a bit clipped. Her arms rested at her side looking relaxed, but her fists clenched as she spoke. The feeling coming from the barrier was a mix of emotions: hurt, confusion and pain. The Fade around the barrier took on an unpleasant feeling.

“Clearly,” he responded. “I will leave you to meditate then.”

He was turning to leave when Nina stopped him. “Wait...Ir abelas, Solas.”

“There is no need to apologize. I clearly interrupted.”

“Not really. It's just been...an interesting few days,” she sighed and ran her hands down her face. Shaking the tension from them once they fell. Nina took a few deep breaths and Solas could tell something eased within her, but she was still far from relaxed. “You don't have to leave on account of my bad mood.”

“Only if you are certain,” he said it questioningly.

“I'm sure. I've missed talking while you are away,” placing her hands behind her back she walked closer to him and the barrier’s edge. “Jayson needs to stop taking you and Varric along on his adventures.”

“If you wish it I could relay your request to him,” Solas started to relax himself after seeing the smile play at her lips.

“No. That would only give Varric more ammunition against me,” embarrassment followed her words. Nina tried to cover it by looking away, but he could feel it and no amount of looking away could cover it up.

“Anyway…,” she continued. “When will you guys be returning?”

“I am uncertain. We met with a few complications while in Redcliffe and the Herald wants to resolve them before we return.”

“Complications?” he could feel her genuine curiosity. She raised an eyebrow a had her head tilted slightly to the side.

“The mages indebted themselves to a Tevinter Magister.”

There was a small shift as if her curiosity…. lessened. _‘Why?’_ He continued when she didn't speak. “We also suspect the somehow time magic is involved.”

“Time magic? How is that possible?” she asked, but there wasn't conviction behind it. Almost like she wasn't surprised by the idea of time magic. A concept he thought completely impossible merely days before didn't seem ridiculous to her.

He looked at her but she had turned. Her back towards him acting as shield for her inner thoughts. A shield that was as thin as paper here where Will and emotions played the key role.

_‘How much is she keeping hidden?’_

“We are uncertain as to how the Magister twisted time, but we will soon find out,” he said out loud.

“I'm sure you will,” Nina was confident in that statement even if a bit saddened by it.

“There is one other matter. The Herald’s sister is being kept within the castle…” He wasn't able to finish his sentence before she turned. The look and feel of fear displayed openly. Nina’s eyes were wide and mouth open slightly in shock.

_‘This has her frightened when the other did not?’_

“The Herald doesn't want to leave the area until he knows she is safe,” he continued trying to gauge reactions. Her head fell: sadness, confusions and fear.

“Tell me Jayson isn't planning on storming the castle to get her back,” her eyes refused to meet his.

“As much as he would like to, Trevelyan has asked his advisors for alternative plans. We should be getting word within the next few days about alternate approaches.”

Nina started pacing. Several times she stopped and opened her mouth to say something, but the overwhelming amount of apprehension coming from her was staggering. She was battling internally and Solas stood there waiting to see which side would ultimately win.

“I have a really bad feeling about this,’ she said as she stopped and crossed her arms over her stomach.

She was scared of something. Whatever it was had her remaining quiet...guarded. Her shoulders were slumped and her head hung low.

‘I am certain Trevelyan and the others will determine the best course of action. I do not foresee him doing something rash, ” That didn't ease her fear…”That is not what has you worried, is it?” Solas had hoped she would open up on her own, but now he had to coax it from her.

“No,” she still wouldn't look at him.

“What is it you fear, Nina?”

“A world tented in green as the Breach swallows it whole. A world with demons beyond counting. Slaughtering innocents by the thousands. A world of evil corrupting everything that was once good. A world where a Magister wins,” tears started falling from her eyes. “A world without Jayson...or Varric...or you,” The last was but a whisper as it tapered off.

As Nina spoke the inside of her barrier shifted. It felt like it would if she were trying to bring forth a dream…or a memory. It was as if her words were bringing the idea to life. But it couldn't or wouldn't take shape for whatever reason.

Solas stood and watched her as she sunk to the ground. So many emotions were warring at her and he wished for just a brief moment he could ease her burden and pull it away. No one should have to suffer such a fate.

“Da’ajuelan, look at me.” She did and as he stared into her tear filled eyes, he said, “I will do everything in my power to keep that from happening.”

“Promise?” There was the smallest glimmer of hope behind the question.

“I promise.” He did not know why he would promise such a thing, knowing the path that laid ahead of him, but he could not bear to see her suffer with just the idea of it.

He sat with her the rest of the night doing his utmost to relieve the worst of her turmoil. She did not smile, but no more tears fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a rough couple of days, but I'm not here to complain to you guys. So...I wrote a poem to get me through and thought I'd share it. 
> 
> I Refuse - by Me
> 
> I refuse to drown.  
> I refuse to cry.  
> I refuse to whine,  
> Or moan or sigh.  
> I refuse to fall.  
> I refuse to break.  
> I refuse to beg,  
> Or bend or scrape.  
> I refuse to falter.  
> I refuse to fright.  
> I refuse to surrender,  
> Without a fight.  
> I refuse to back down.  
> I refuse to give in.  
> I refuse to let,  
> My demons win.  
> I refuse to let,  
> My heart stay in sorrow.  
> For I must wake,  
> To face another tomorrow.


	21. Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Multiple POVs

Nina POV 

 

Nina woke the next day to a blinding headache.

She woke later than usual having spent more time pushing emotions outward after Solas left her. But no amount of pushing and meditating could sooth the inner battle raging within her. The sadness and anger built back up nearly as fast as she could release it. The longer Nina had stayed in the Fade, the more weary she felt. It was as if the Fade itself was draining her. She knew that the pressure would overwhelm her soon at this rate. 

She tried to rise from her cot, but was unable to gather enough energy to do so. Nina stayed, unmoving, staring at the canvas ceiling of her tent as her mind wandered through all the ways this could go wrong. 

Jayson wasn’t coming back to Haven… would Leliana still tell him of the secret passage to the castle? Should she remind the Spymaster about it? As Nina thought about it, the less likely that seemed like a good idea. Leliana would most certainly remember something as significant as that. Especially if Jayson was threatening to barge through the front doors. 

Why was Jayson’s sister with Alexius? Nina had been caught so off guard by that she didn't even think to ask Solas. What would that change? Would Jayson be more reckless trying to save her if she were brought to harm? Would he wait for Dorian before acting against the Magister? Would he end up in the future, alone, without a way to return? Would this one change be enough to doom them all? 

Her hands came to rest on her face, covering her eyes, as she tried desperately to breathe. For good or ill, everything was already in motion and she could do nothing to stop it. There was nothing she could do or say that would definitely have a better outcome. She had already said too much in the Fade to Solas as it was.

What could she do now? Everything was moving so fast. Faster than she ever anticipated. Jayson would soon have the mages - hopefully - and the Breach would be closed. That also meant Haven’s destruction and everyone finding out about Corypheus. She had hoped she would be cured by now so she could tell the others about future events. As she was now, she wouldn't be able to stand up to the torrent of questions or accusations thrown at her for her knowledge. But….she wanted to help. Nina knew inaction with knowledge was one of the worst things to live with after the fact.

Her thoughts stuttered to a stop when she realised there was one thing she could do. Recruiting the mages meant the fall of the Templars. While she despised many Templars and the Order itself, she couldn't bring herself to leave those few who were decent people to flounder and succumb to red lyrium. Even with the hate she held in her heart for Templars, she would not wish that fate on anyone, especially innocents. She couldn't have their death on her conscience along with everything else weighing on her. 

It gave her a reason to leave the confines of her cot as she searched for a quill and paper. 

There was only one person who might be able to reach them, so she wrote a letter hoping it would be enough. She folded the letter once it was done and quickly delivered it to the Commander's tent. Luckily he wasn't there.

After, she headed for the healer's tent just in time for the shortness of breath and fluttering of her heart to worsen. The pressure behind her eyes was excruciating. Darkness overcame her before she had made more than two steps inside. 

\---

_ Commander, _

 

_     Since I am unable to converse with you through normal means I hope this letter can convey the importance of what I must ask of you now.  _

_     I implore you to write a letter to Ser Barris at Therinfal Redoubt. He would be capable of gathering faithful Templars to help the Inquisition in this chaotic time.  _

_     I wish I could explain further, but speed is of the utmost importance.  _

 

_     Sincerely,  _

_     Nina _

 

\---

Cullen POV 

 

He had found her note halfway through his paperwork that morning. After several days of tiring himself out to the point of exhaustion with training, he had managed a good night’s sleep and tackled the growing mountain of paperwork on his desk. It had given him a flutter of relief on several accounts when he saw the letter from Nina.

Firstly, she handed him a solution to bring some of the Templars into the Inquisition. There would be a few disagreements that will need to be handled between the two groups - Templars and Mages - but it was a small price that Cullen was willing to pay. Hopefully Ser Barris would be willing to serve the Inquisition as well as he had the Chantry. Cullen had heard about the Battle at Dragon's Peak and wanted to meet the man responsible for its positive outcome. If it was the same Ser Barris, that is. 

Secondly, Nina was talking to him. Even through a letter it was more progress than he had ever expected to come from the woman. Especially after everything she had been through. Yes, it was very formal, but still progress nonetheless. He didn't blame her for her distrust or the want for space, but to have a chance to apologize to her for the wrong doings he was a part of was a relief. Maybe he could truly atone for his mistakes and move past them. 

After he had reread the letter a few times, he wrote a quick letter to Ser Barris hoping that it would reach him before the Breach could be sealed. A few more Templars in Haven when the mages worked with that much magic would ease much of his stress. 

He still had so many questions he needed to ask Nina, especially about the note. Instead of flooding pages with questions, however, he decided to ask just one instead. ‘Would it be acceptable to write you?’ He needed to know that before he continued down this path. Cullen didn't want to cause her more pain by sending her into a seizure. 

Which is exactly how he found her when he had gone to deliver his return letter. 

Cullen had gone to her tent with full intent to leave his letter for her to find later. When he arrived and was steered away to the healer's tent by her tent mate, the excitement of their possible correspondence started to wear off. 

When he walked into the bustling tent to find Nina convulsing on a cot, his heart sank.

When he noticed the three healers holding her to keep her thrashing from doing damage, the letter in his hand was all but forgotten. 

He dropped the letter and ran to help. He was directed to hold her arms down. However, the angle he was in was hardly effective. Cullen found himself sitting at the head of the cot with his arms wrapped around her arms and torso. Her back was pressed to his chest and he could feel Nina’s body as it shook. He thanked the Maker he had not worn his armor. Cullen had not planned on being away from his desk long and it was uncomfortable to sit in for long periods of time. Now, he was just glad she could not injure herself further when the seizures started back up.

 

It felt like hours before he was able to relax his hold on her. He shifted her body so he could stand and she could be laid flat. Cullen feared she would have bruises on her arms, but the healers assured him they would be healed and that holding her had been necessary. 

She looked so defenseless, so helpless, so fragile lying eerily still after dealing with the onslaught of seizures just an hour before.

Her hair was matted to her forehead with sweat and her face was flush with fever. After everything Nina just went through, Cullen was distraught to think she would have to battle even more with further illness. 

  
He knelt beside the cot and prayed to the Maker that Nina could make it a little longer until they could find a way to help her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is the first day of November, which also means the first day of NaNoWriMo. (National Novel Writing Month) I plan on participating again this year. You guys will still most definitely get a chapter every Thursday, but Tuesdays may not happen. I do fully intend on counting this fic in my number count, so I'll try my best to still give you guys two chapters a week. *crosses fingers*
> 
>  
> 
> I still cannot put into words the gratitude I feel for the support from you all. You guys are awesome and keep me inspired to do more.


	22. Elusive Fade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Rusted Metal Batman! This story has reached over 200 kudos. You guys are the best!

 

 

There was something she was forgetting. Something she was missing. Something trapped on the tip of her tongue wishing to be freed from its confines. Nina didn’t know what it was, and the longer she laid in her bubble thinking about it the further it slipped from her reach. But thinking was the only thing she could do at the moment. Movement was impossible as her emotions pressed down on her. Her Will wasn’t strong enough to push for very long, so she just focused on breathing and thinking as the emotions slowly leaked from the bubble on their own.

Nina was pretty sure Hope came by at some point, but since she was unable to see the spirit she wasn’t completely sure it wasn’t a figment of her imagination. The spirit still came to her when she was in the dreaming most nights, but it had spent less time with Nina over the past few weeks. When she asked Hope why she had been staying less, the spirit stated it was to give Nina more time to meditate. Hope was clearly keeping something from her. However, in the state she was in and not certain if her spirit friend was actually there, Nina couldn’t ask questions.

Something was going on and Nina could nearly put a finger on it. That was the thought that kept tickling the base of her skull whenever she thought about it. The thought that kept slipping from her grasp each time that nagging feeling pulled at her.  

_“What am I missing?’_

She was pulled from her thoughts when someone speaking broke through. It took a moment to figure out who and where the voice was coming from. But only one person called her Da’ajuelan, so when the fog lifted she could clearly hear Solas speaking to her.

“Da’ajuelan, can you hear me?” there was….panic in his voice.

“Yeah. What’s wrong, Solas? Why do you sound scared?” he didn’t reply and her breath started to quicken. “Solas?” she questioned, worried by the silence.

“Peace, Da’ajuelan. You have to calm down.”

“Telling me to calm down doesn’t help. Telling me what has you worried could. What is wrong?” He remained quiet and Nina got angry. “I will not ask again, Solas. Tell me what is wrong or so help me when I’m able to wake up I’ll make you regret staying quiet,” she spat. She could feel the area around her skin heating slightly as her anger bubbled to the surface of her emotions.

“I’ve been asking you that question for the last four nights, Nina. This is the first time you have answered me. That is why I was worried and still am.” She could clearly hear the worry and truth in his voice even if she couldn’t see it on his face. It deflated all the rage that had built.

“Four days?” Nina asked. “I’ve been here four days already? It hasn’t felt that long.”

“No, you have been in the Fade longer than that. From what Hope has told me, you have been here for nearly a week without so much as blinking.”

“What?” she tired to think back on the time she had been here, but the only thing that she could remember was that nagging tingle she had kept feeling. The thing she was forgetting. It was right there, obviously important if it was still persistent.

“Da’ajuelan, sathan. Come back.”

Nina was pulled back from the train of thought she was about to go back down. “I’m still here. Promise. I’m just tired.”

“Other than tired, how are you feeling?” It was the first time he had outright asked about her well being. There was no roundabout questions or changing the subject from something he didn’t want to talk about. She could catch just the slightest flicker of genuine concern coming from him as it pushed through all her emotions to reach her. That in and of itself was enough to pull her back to the present.

She focused on how she felt, past the remaining emotions with from the waking to what she was actually feeling at the moment. She answered truthfully, “Confused, worried, weak. Usually I would be able to wake up by now or even just be able to move. Something is wrong, Solas. Something is so very wrong and I can’t figure out what it is.”

“Something is draining you, but I can’t be certain if it has to do with your physical self or the changes here in the Fade. We will be in Haven soon and I will hopefully be able to discern what is causing this.”

“Changes... what changes?”

“There are certain areas that are strained and worn. This place is one of the areas where the Veil is thin. There is something else that is affecting the Fade here, however. The combination of the thin Veil and your strong emotions has the Fade turbulent and...somewhat uncomfortable, but they are not solely responsible for this feeling. ”

“Do you think whatever it is is the reason Hope and the others haven’t been around often? I’ve tried asking, but they will not give me a clear answer,” she pulled enough Will forward to turn her head to the left in his direction.

“I am sure it has something to do with it,” he sighed. “I cannot tell if it is your presence, or the Breach, or something else entirely, but whatever it is it would not be wise for them to spend much time here. If you were not locked to this place I would recommend you leave as well, but that is not an option.”

Normally his face would light up when he spoke of the Fade and random anomalies, but now his face was shadowed with regret. Nina couldn’t tell which regret was causing the far off look his eyes took on, however. Solas hadn’t noticed her looking at him in time to bring his mask back in place. Their eyes connected for a brief second, echoing in sadness, before she chose to close hers and give him time to bring himself together.

“So how soon is soon, Solas?” she decided to change the topic. When he only looked at her questioningly Nina clarified. “How soon will you be back in Haven?”

“Hopefully within two days. We are traveling slower with our increased numbers,” it was her turn to furrow her brows. “We have managed to ally with the mages and Trevelyan has recruited another fighter to the ranks.”

“So, I take it everything went well with Alexius?” a nervous chuckle escaped her. The good news Jayson didn’t die, Dorian obviously was there to help him, and Jayson offered an alliance to mages nearly cancelled out all of the impending dread Nina knew was about to befall Haven. It was enough to lift some of the pressure from her person, but not enough that she could rise from the ground.

“As well as could be expected,” Solas looked at her, head tilted to the side, the gears were turning like he had a million questions to ask her. Nina couldn’t be sure which one he would start with and tensed slightly with the anticipation. She knew she had said too much the last time they spoke. “There were some complications, but they were handled quickly,” Solas paused again and by now she could feel the curiosity pouring off of him. To her surprise, however, he didn’t comment further.

“Well, as long as everyone survived intact I’d call it a good outcome,” some more pressure lifted from her. _‘Maybe all I needed was to talk to someone and find out about Redcliffe,’_ she thought as she was able to wiggle a few of her fingers. Nina didn’t try too much more after that not wanting to wear herself out to quickly.

Solas clearly could tell there was an improvement to her condition as he watched her silently flex the muscles in her left arm. He finally sat, as he always had when visiting her, and the familiarity of the action further relaxed her.  

The rest of the night Solas told her stories of his travels and she even felt up to sharing some of the ones she had taken. He encouraged her to continue moving, even if it was small movements.

  
She didn’t wake the next morning, but there had been clear progress in that direction. And she was sure to be awake by the time everyone made it back to Haven….hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Da’ajuelan, sathan. - Little artist, please.


	23. Claimed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another minor break in the seriousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all the American readers, here is a chapter to break up the Presidential election rigmarole.

 

 

Nina eyes fluttered open when she heard movement beside her. It took several tries before the heaviness of them lessened and she was able to fully see. The brightness in the waking world was a bit much for her at first after being in the hazy Fade for so long. 

Her limbs were sluggish to respond as she attempted to roll to her side. Her back protested with the movement, aching deeply after being in one spot for so long. After a few attempts she gave up and just turned her head to see what had finally pulled her from the dreaming. 

Jayson was talking to a woman in hushed whispers in a corner of the tent not far from her. Nina couldn't make out what was being said, but could tell it wasn't heated. 

A cough, unbidden from her, broke the conversation as they turned to see her awake. Jayson was by her side so quickly it made her head spin. 

“Thirsty?” His eyes searched hers as he tried to find something else to say.

She just nodded in response. Jayson produced a cup and raised her head to drink when it was clear she wasn't able to do so herself. The cool, wonderful liquid coated her parched throat and she wanted to whimper when he pulled it from her. 

“Better?”

“Infinitely.”

“Good,” he sighed then looked her in the eye once again. “You are never to do that again.”

“I assure you it was not intentional.” 

“No, that's not good enough, Nina. Promise me you won't let it happen again.”

“I could no easier promise you the moon on a string, Jayson. What you ask is impossible.”

He stood so quickly that the chair started to teeter. The woman who had been standing off to the side reached forward to keep it from falling. “I've been doing the impossible for months.” he started gesturing his hands as he began pacing. “What makes this any different from what I get put through?”

“You are the Herald of Andraste,” he glared at her for that one. Nina searched for another response and all she could come up with was, “You have the ability to fight back. If I could stop it from happening, do you think I would not try?”

He stopped pacing and returned to his chair. Jayson slouched in defeat. “I did not save one sister just to lose another.”

The genuine emotion in that statement caught Nina off guard. His right hand placed over hers added to her confusion. She didn’t think he would take this adopted sister thing so seriously. They had barely had time to become friends, much less form a sibling connection. But the way his eyes pleaded with her made her heart ache and she turned her hand over so she could hold his in return. 

The woman who had been standing quietly to the side watching cleared her throat. “I’m Rhedyn by the way,” she said quietly, not wanting to ruin the moment. 

“I am Nina. It is nice to meet you, Rhedyn. Jayson has told me much about you,” Nina tried to lift her arm, but it still protested. “I would shake your hand, but my body seems to have other ideas at the moment.”

Rhedyn laughed at that.  _ ‘Finally someone who gets my sense of humor!’ _

“So, it’s true? That you aren’t actually Tranquil?” Rhedyn asked enthusiastically. 

Nina looked to Jayson, who looked sheepishly away. “Yes, it is true. Although it is not widely known….for a reason.”

“Did you really expect me to keep something like that from her?” Jayson chimed in while avoiding her gaze.

“No.” Nina said after thinking about it a moment. From what she knew of them, they shared all their secrets. It didn’t surprise her in the slightest Jayson had told her.

“If it makes you feel better, he only told me because he wanted to come see you first thing when we got back. I wanted him to get some  _ sleep _ ….but he insisted,” Rhedyn finished with a shrug. 

“You really should try to sleep, Jayson. I will not be going anywhere anytime soon. You can always come back later,” Nina said still trying to make eye contact with him. It was odd, normally she was the one shying away from it, not the other way around. 

“Don’t tell me you two are already ganging up on me…,” he whined. 

“That is the downfall to being a middle child. You will get use to it,” Nina replied. 

“There is no way you are older than me....,” he paused and tilted his head. “Are you?”

Nina finally managed to make eye contact with him and she fixed him with the best glare her blank face could muster. It seemed to work when she noticed him visibly swallow. “Rhedyn, would you be so kind as to hit Jayson in the back of his head? He should know better than to ask a woman her age.”

“Wait!” he jumped up, just managing to dodge the open hand aimed towards him by Rhedyn. He put his hands up placatingly, “You can’t turn my own sister against me.”

“But, Jayson, if you are claiming her, so am I. That means we're one big happy family and she's my sister too.” Rhedyn pointed out as she stalked closer too him. He dodged her when she got close enough to swing again. 

Nina just watched as they circled around the healer’s tent. It was nice to see Jayson able to laugh with someone. With everything he had been through in Redcliffe it would have been easy for him to come back changed and melancholy. Nina guessed it had still affected him with the comment about his lack of sleep, but it could have been much worse without Rhedyn to bring him back from the gloom. 

“What in the Maker’s name are you doing?!” The booming voice broke through the laughter about the time Jayson went to leap over one of the cots. He tripped and landed face down across the cot. The side bars digging into him as the air rushed from his lungs. Rhedyn doubled over in laughter. The healer that interrupted them looked furious at their behavior, but then paled when she noticed who she was talking to. “Oh! Herald, I humbly beg your forgiveness. I didn’t realize it was you!” she said as she rushed to help him up. 

“I’m fine, Greta. No begging required,“ he stood and dusted himself off. “I’m not normally that clumsy,” he smiled at the healer and Nina could nearly see the woman melt into a puddle right there. 

Nina spoke up then, “A lack of sleep could be the cause of that,” loud enough for the healer to clearly hear. 

The healer, Greta, never having taken her eyes from him came back to her senses at that. “How long have you been unable to sleep?” she was straight back to being a healer and the swooning woman gone.

Jayson glared at Nina and mouthed the word ‘traitor’ to her before leading Greta away from them.

Rhedyn spoke as she watched Jayson walk away. “You know...I think I like you. I probably would have argued with him for hours just to get him to relax,” she crossed her arms and sighed.

“He is listening to a healer, not me. There is a difference,” Nina replied. 

“Either way, I'm glad you've been here for him through it all so far. If I had known he survived the Conclave I would have come sooner,” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “So much could have been avoided if I had left Redcliffe to come here months ago.”

“You cannot blame yourself for not knowing or for what happened in Redcliffe. All you can do is make up for the time lost.”

  
“Right...,” Nina watched as Rhedyn gathered herself up to once again play energetic little sister. “I’ll see you around Nina. I have to make sure he actually makes it to his cottage and not someone else’s,” she winked and walked off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, guys. I would like for you to tell me if there is a part in this story that you would like to see from another person's perspective. I'm already working on Jayson’s POV for Nugs like Elfroot and a fragment for Cullen and Varric in the tavern after the war room meeting. If there is another POV swap you'd like or just filling in where I left a gap let me know. 
> 
> I will take all suggestions, and will start posting fragments once it gets a little further in the main story.


	24. Setting the Pace

 

 

As Jayson and Rhedyn were leaving the healer’s tent, Solas walked in with a nod to the two of them. Nina watched his face when he turned to her. A flicker of relief showed when he saw her awake and she had to avert her eyes.

She hated waking up feeling so ‘dull’ after being in the Fade for so long. Nina had wanted nothing more than to join in with the other two and laugh with them. She wanted to roll her eyes and poke fun at Jayson for being such an incorrigible flirt. She wanted to feel normal...if there was such a thing.

Nina had to get this thing reversed soon and the only person she could think of to help was walking towards her. So she steeled herself again to act unaffected and waited for him to finish crossing the distance.

“I am glad to see you awake,” Solas said as he sat in the chair Jayson previously used.

“I am glad to be seen,” Nina replied.

“How are you feeling?”

Nina thought, _‘Peachy-fucking keen. Can’t you tell?’_

But she said, “My muscles are stiff from disuse. I feel like I should attempt to walk, but I am uncertain if that would be wise.”

“Small steps first then. Let us get you out of bed,” he stood and reached to put his arm under her shoulders to help lift her. Pushing passed the weakness, she lifted her arm and hand to him instead.

_‘First Jayson. Now Solas? What's with all the touching?’_

He obliged with a sigh and pulled her forward as she swung her legs over the edge of the cot. It took more effort than she was going to admit but she rose to her feet and stood for the first time in a week and a half. Solas kept his hands out in case she fell or needed help, but she refused to hold on to him. Nina was already feeling weak there was no need to add to the embarrassment. So through sheer determination and stubbornness Nina managed to make it outside of the tent.

She continued to walk as the stiffness started to lessen. They had made it as far as the Haven gates when she felt her stomach growl. “I believe food is in order,” she said as she started making her way to the stairs.

“Wait, Nina. I can have someone send you food if you are hungry. I would not suggest you attempting stairs yet,” Solas said as his hands hovered ever closer to her.

“I am not an invalid, Solas. I cannot afford to be stuck in a bed.”

“You have to pace yourself.”

“I am. I am going at the pace I am setting,” she turned once more and started towards the stairs. Nina had started feeling better once moving, but she could tell she would be exhausted by the time she made it to the Singing Maiden. She would have to sit down once she was there, but hopefully there wouldn’t be too many people there this time of day.

He followed her as she continued walking, she made it to the second set of stairs before he spoke again. “Why are you being so stubborn?” he huffed.

“What would you do if you woke up feeling weak and useless? Would you not do anything you could to change it?”

That brought him up short and he stopped walking. Nina turned to look at him, pausing on a few steps ahead of him. “I do not think I would be the best example to follow.”

Nina could see his eyes darken in remembrance. It wasn’t an intentional jab at him, but it did him well to remember his faults. She left him to his thoughts, relieved he would stop hovering for a moment.

Her small victory was short lived however, when her toe snagged on a step and she started to topple forward. Nina braced for impact. Closing her eyes and stretching out her hands to brace herself. But the impact never happened. Strong arms lifted her up before she hit her face on the unforgiving ground.

She expected to see Solas when she opened her eyes, instead she was greeted by a face full of chest and harness.

“You probably should've listened to Solas,” she could feel Bull’s chest rumble as he spoke.

His large arms held her securely, but didn’t keep her from moving if she wished. Nina thought she would have been more scared being held by this nearly seven foot tall Qunari, but it was kind of nice in a weird weightless sort of way.

She shook herself from her thoughts once she realised she hadn’t spoken and was staring, “Would you be so kind as to put me down?”

“Sure thing,” but instead of sitting her down he adjusted his grip and started walking up the stairs.

“Unless the air has become ground while I was sleeping, I do not believe you are doing as I asked,” she said as they made it to the top of the stairs.

Bull chuckled, “Sure I am. You didn’t say where to set you down though.”

“Semantics,”

“So? You still haven’t told me where,” he looked down at her and smiled.

“Put me down here...now,” she hadn’t realised they had nearly made it to the tavern by the time he finally sat her down. She was able to catch a glimpse of Solas from around Bull as she readjusted to standing. He had a frown on his face and was glaring at Bull’s back.

“You know, most women like being carried by nice, strong men,” he said pulling her attention back to him.

“I am not like most women,” Nina turned and walked into the tavern hoping that was the end of the discussion.

Bull laughed, “Oh, that much I can tell, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t enjoy it,” he grinned as he followed inside.

“You are incorrigible,” she walked to the bar and placed her order to Flissa, Bull following every step of the way.

Another voice chimed in somewhere from behind them. “Tiny, are you messing with Wildfire? I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“Nah, I’m only trying to get to know her, Varric. Where’s the harm in that?”

Nina turned to find Varric and Dorian sitting at the table in the corner. Solas was standing just inside the door looking uncomfortable and out of place. And thankfully Sera wasn’t anywhere to be seen. She didn’t mind the girl, but she was a bit...much...all on her own.

“Hey, Wildfire, you should come and join us,” Varric called from the other side of the tavern.

“I should be resting, Varric. I have only come to get food,” Nina could see the exasperated look on Solas’ face as she tried to turn down the offer.

“You can rest here. Besides there’s someone here you might like to meet,” Varric tried again.

She was about to turn him down again when Bull spoke, “If you don’t sit with us for awhile I will carry you back to your cot. I can’t have you walking about looking like you are going to fall over again.”

She looked to Solas to get backup and he shrugged, “He is not wrong.”

“Come, dear. We don’t bite,” Dorian spoke up. “Well, I can’t speak for the Qunari. I’m sure he does,” he glanced over to Bull before he patted the seat next to him. “Come sit next to me and I’ll protect you from these brutish men.”

Realising she didn’t have a way to escape now she begrudgingly made her way to the table. She thanked Flissa as the woman brought her her food and settled in to eat. Nina ate as quickly as she could manage without choking on it. She was ravenous and the food tasted too good to stop.

Of course Varric picked up on her pace and called her out on it. “Slow down, Wildfire. It’s not going to run away if you pause to breathe.”

“I have not eaten in a week and a half, Varric,” she only paused long enough to reply before digging into the stew once again.

“So, you’re the Tranquil girl everyone is in a tizzy about. I knew something felt off about you,” Dorian said pulling her out of her bowl to give him a flat look. One which he didn’t notice before he continued, “That’s a shame really. You are too pretty to have that hideous brand on you.

Nina was too stunned by Dorain’s backhanded compliment that she couldn’t speak...or eat.

“Sparkler…” Varric tried to get his attention, but it fell on deaf ears.

“But I guess you really don’t care about beauty anymore, do you? I mean that is evidence by the state of your hair alone.”

Nina turned towards the others to make sure this was really happening. She was about to pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t in a dream.

“Sparkler, I would suggest you stop before you put your foot deeper into your mouth,” Varric tried again.

“What? It’s a tragedy she has to live the rest of her life without being able to enjoy it. She’s nothing but cold, hard logic at this point.”

“Dorian, stop,” Varric reached across the table and smacked his arm with the back of his hand. “Can’t you see you are making her upset?”

“That’s what I’m trying to say, Varric,” he huffed. “She's Tranquil. She can’t be upset.”

“She isn’t Tranquil, Vint. That’s what Varric is trying to get at. If you’d stop talking long enough to listen you would have known that already,” Bull of all people came to her defense.

It was her turn to look at Bull and asked, “How do you know?”

“A good spy knows about everything that goes on around them,” Bull shrugged.

“This has to be the worst kept secret in the Inquisition. Everyone knows,” Nina ran her hands through her hair trying to make sense of what was happening. _‘Thank God for the emotion purge I just went through.’_

“Obviously not everyone if Sparkler here didn’t know about it. I also think Iron Lady is still being kept out of the loop. And if it makes you feel better, Wildfire, the majority of the Inquisition soldiers and scouts don’t know. That’s something right?” Varric said.

“Wait,” Dorian finally broke out of whatever haze he was in. “So you aren’t Tranquil? But you have the brand and your voice is so…,” he paused to look at her. “Well, I'm sure you know how it sounds.”

“No, Dorain. I am not completely Tranquil,” Nina replied.

“How did that happen?” Dorian asked excitedly. Turning in his chair to face her better.

“Something went wrong during the Rite and I ended up like this.”

“Was it the amount of lyrium they used for the brand? Was it held on for the proper time? Oh, I know, the brand could have been cracked somewhere undetectable and couldn’t sever the connection completely.”

Nina just stared at him when he finished. It had never occurred to her that it could have been anything other than her other worldly existence that caused the issue. She had never considered that it could have been user error - for lack of a better term - that caused this issue. It did beg the question if those things were possible in causing this, then there had to have been other Tranquils that also had the same issue, right? It couldn’t be that simple, could it?

“Woah, Sparkler, how do you know about the Rite of Tranquility?” Varric asked while Nina was still dazed. “I thought it wasn’t a thing in Tevinter.”

“It’s not common, no, but it is still used from time to time when someone is caught openly using blood magic. The Rite is a bit of a morbid curiosity to most mages growing up there. I studied it in detail when I was younger to scare some of the other children when they annoyed me.

“Well….that’s something,” Varric commented under his breath.

She was still mulling over what Dorian just said when Solas spoke, “Whatever the cause was, we are trying to reverse it.”

“Reverse Tranquility? Is that even possible?” Dorian looked around. Everyone else shrugged when Nina nodded her head. “Well, this is utterly fascinating.”

“That is what he said,” Nina pointed to Solas, who rolled his eyes. “We could always use another person with more knowledge about Tranquility to help us. If you are interested, of course.”

“I wouldn’t turn down this opportunity for the world,” Dorian replied nearly giddily.

“Wonderful. You two can work together while I go rest.”

“You need an escort with you, Nina. You falling down the stairs would not be acceptable in your condition,” Solas stated as he started to rise from his chair.

But Nina waved him off, “No, you finally have someone you can discuss this with. There is no need to pull you away,” She turned to her right, “Varric, would you be so kind to escort me to my tent?”

“Sure, Wildfire,” he stood and held out his arm to her which she reluctantly took.

“Aww… You don’t want me to carry you back?” Bull asked as they made their way to the door. Trying to pull off the puppy dog eye.

“That is why I chose Varric. It would be harder for him to carry me.”

“Hey! I could lift you,” Varric said with faux hurt coloring his voice.

“I know you can, Varric, but you would probably enjoy carrying me as much as I like being carried. Which is to say none.”

Once she was finally in her tent she pulled out her sketchbook and started drawing. She was tired and sore, but she couldn’t - or more likely wouldn’t - sleep anytime soon if she had her way about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Dorain fanart was my most shared picture on my Tumblr out of the four companions in this chapter. If you guys want to see the others they are here: [ cileradragonfang ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/cileradragonfang). I really just started using my Tumblr, so it's kind of random. You have been warned.


	25. Foundation Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has nearly have 250 kudos, nearly 3k hits, and nearly 100 subscribers..... *squee!!* *does happy dance*
> 
> You guys are awesome!

 

 

Nina walked up to Jayson when she saw him standing alone for the first time in three days. He was looking up towards the Breach with an undecipherable look on his face. Jayson’s shoulder length black hair was pulled back tightly into a ponytail and his jaw was set. His arms were crossed and his feet planted firmly and it seemed to keep most people away. However, Nina knew he was just lost in thought and wasn't actively trying to create a barrier around him. 

She stopped beside him and mocked his pose to the best of her abilities, but didn't say anything. Nina wanted him to finish working out whatever was obviously on his mind. Waiting for him to talk first, she watched as his shoulders relaxed and the intensity in his brows lessened but he didn't speak. She took it as her cue to talk. 

“Jayson, when will you be closing the Breach? I would have guessed you would not want to wait long after getting the mages.”

“I wanted to give them some time to rest. Circle mages aren't used to walking much. That and we are waiting for the Templars to get here.”

Nina looked at him. “Templars?” 

_ ‘Does he know about invasion? The fall of Haven? Corypheus and Samson? Who could have told him? Or maybe they struck a bargain with the Order and invited them here not knowing about Envy,’  _ her mind started whirling. 

“Yes. Cullen has been in contact with a small group who are on their way here. We decided to wait for them…as a compromise.”

_ ‘How could I forget th….Oh yeah, seizures,’  _ she ran her hand through her hair as her brain did a u-turn and went in another direction. She tried to piece together what having  _ more _ Templars would mean. She didn't think about that when she asked Cullen to contact them, just the loss of life when faced with the alternative. She didn't want their lives on her conscience, but she didn't really want them here either.

“What's on your mind?” Jayson asked her. She just looked at him and tilted her head slightly in question. “When you're upset you mess with your hair. It's probably the only tell you actually have.”

Nina looked around. They were standing in the open near the gates with too many ears around for comfort. “Would you mind if we walked? I am still building my strength back and I believe exercise would do me well.”

She could see him realize her meaning instantaneously. “Lead the way,” he held out his hand in front of him, pointing past the training field.

They walked around the frozen lake to the opening in the rocks that led to her royal elfroot. It was secluded, without prying ears and eyes, and she needed to see if they took hold anyway. 

She wiggled through first and had Jayson hand her her bag once she was in. It took more effort on his part, but after crouching low to the ground he managed his way. To her excitement the plant had indeed propagated and three flourishing royal elfroot plants sat ready for the picking. She knelt on the ground, not bothering to worry about the slush covered dirt, and began gathering the usable parts she could use for potion making. 

“So, now that you've pulled me all the way out here and had me wedge myself into tight places, will you tell me what is on your mind?” he asked as he sat on a rock not far from her. 

Nina sighed internally, “The additional worry about the Templars has me a little on edge, if I am to be honest.”

“I know. Rhedyn and Fiona weren't very pleased to hear about them either,” he paused before continuing with diplomatic words that would make Josephine proud. “However, the Inquisition was made specifically to bring peace back to the Thedas. To do that there will have to be compromises on every side and sometimes doing something uncomfortable will get the best results.”

_ ‘Damn, he already has the speeches down pat.’ _

He took her silence as scepticism and continued, “If you are worried for your safety I will promise you that  _ no _ Templar will  _ ever _ lay a finger on you or Rhedyn, otherwise he will find a dagger sticking out of his chest.”

He was so sure and so genuine in his words that Nina couldn't help but feel gratitude surge through her, “Thank you. It has been...a long time since someone has offered to fight for me.” 

Jayson coughed, obviously uncomfortable with the amount of emotions openly displayed on his part. “Yes, well…,” he paused trying desperately to find something else to talk about. “You said it was an additional concern. What else has you worried?”

_ ‘One of these days, Nina, you will realize these people actually listen to you when you speak!’  _ she berated herself. ‘ _ It's now or never,’ _ she wouldn't get another chance to talk to him about this, so she steeled herself.

“Yes,” she paused to breathe. “I...have a bad feeling.”

“A bad feeling…?” he asked looking at her confused. “Nina, you're going to have to be more specific than just a bad feeling.”

“When Divine Justinia disbanded the Circles the Templars took it upon themselves to hunt down the mages. They broke away from the Chantry and all others that would be able to speak reason with them. The war brought on by these actions is still occurring throughout all of southern Thedas.”

He waved his hands to stop her between breaths.“Okay, maybe a little less specific. What are you trying to get at?

She paused to think carefully about her next words. “What do you think will happen now that most of the free mages are in one easily found location?” she waited for her question to sink in. “The Order will not stop until they are made to do so.”

Jayson sat there and pondered her words while she continued to pull leaves from the elfroot. She also found a clipping that could possibly serve as another sprout if she was able to keep it alive until Skyhold.

“I don't think the Templars would openly declare war with the Inquisition  _ and _ the Mages. We might not be a large group yet, but we would surely have more pull once something like that happened...if it happened.”

“ _ If _ it happened would you be comfortable with the defense of Haven? Would we successfully be able to keep out a large, organized, well armed and armored group? What would happen if they attacked without warning? Would we be able to successfully evacuate the non-combatants in time or would they face their deaths due to lack of planning?”

“You have thought a lot about this haven’t you?” Jayson asked, looking at her face searching for something. Whatever it was, she knew it he would never find it on a face like stone. 

Nina just nodded. “There isn't much to do when I am stuck in the Fade.”

“Alright, since you've obviously thought about it, do you have any ideas on what we can do?” he asked as he started rubbing his face with his hands. 

Nina saw the tiredness on his face for the first time since he got back from Redcliffe. She had been too preoccupied to notice how stretched thin he must already be. Being pulled in every direction was starting to wear on him and the lack of sleep was obvious. He kept his mask in place while in Haven around others, but he was clearly comfortable enough to let it drop around her. 

“I have a few ideas, yes. If you would allow me to do so, I will take it upon myself to do what I can. You have too much to worry about already.”

“I can't ask you to do that.”

“You are not asking. I am volunteering. I will focus on the non-combatant side of things and you can ask Cullen to focus on the military side if that is sufficient. Besides, part of my plan requires talking to Chancellor Roderick…” She noticed the unamused look on Jayson’s face as soon as that man's name left her lips. 

“Are you still not able to talk with Cullen?” She shook her head in response and he sighed. “Fine, but ask someone for help when you need it. I'm not the only one who has other things to worry about and you can't stress yourself overmuch,” he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“ _ If  _ I need help, I will ask.”

Jayson flung his hands upwards, “Why in the Maker's name do I surround myself with stubborn women!?”

“You cannot deny you enjoy it,” Nina stood up and brushed her knees off. After putting the royal elfroot in the bag, she held out her hand for Jayson. He grabbed it and stood. “Come on. I should probably get you back to town before the advisors send a search party.”

Jayson chuckled as they began their walk back to Haven. “I can almost assure you Cassandra is already looking for me.”

  
On the way back to town Nina went into planning mode. She had a lot to do before the Templars arrived, and she needed to figure out how to do it without letting people know about her foreknowledge. 


	26. Heated Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayson POV

 

 

Jayson sighed as he leaned against the war room table. The advisors had kept him in a meeting all morning. It didn't look like they were any closer to a final plan to approach the Breach. Progress couldn't be made in closing it until the Templars arrived regardless.

Leliana was reporting about the scout that he had asked her spare. She had interrogated him and found very little, but it was still enough to know his presence in Val Royeaux had not gone unnoticed by some of the nobles there.

Cullen reported on his recruits progress and locations he believed they would serve the best. He and Cassandra were placing markers on the map as they talked.

Josephine pried into his family ties, which weren't much since he had all but cut himself off when Rhedyn was practically abandoned by their father. As far as he was concerned Rhedyn and now Nina were the only family he had left. There was an unmistakably familiar urge to keep her from harm, just like with Rhedyn, and he would make sure she had someone to lean on when troubled. That's what family really was. It's wasn't always about blood but about who you chose to be close to you.

Jayson was pulled from his thoughts when his stomach growled loudly enough to have everyone pause to stare at him.

“Well…I think it's time we call a break for lunch,” he said.

“I believe that is an excellent idea,” Jospehine replied.

“We still have much to discuss. We could have someone bring lunch to us and eat while we continue,” Cassandra chimed in.

The others just turned to look at her. Josephine started to reply, but was cut off by Jayson before she could figure out how to politely say whatever she was going to say.

“Cassandra, I understand your reasoning but for Maker’s sake I would like a break from this room. The lines on the map are starting to blur together.”

Cassandra was about to argue, but when she looked to the others and noticed the small nods from Cullen and Josephine she caved. “Very, well. We can meet again afterwards.”

Jayson didn't wait a second longer than necessary to turn and stroll from the room. He had never gotten use to meetings and politics when he was with his family. Being the third son to a noble gave him more time away from that life and more time spent sneaking away from home. He hadn't expected to be pulled back into something like that again and just found them boring.

As Jayson made his way towards the Singing Maiden he heard familiar voices coming from just up the hill near Adan’s cabin. He could hear Vivienne and Dorian speaking, but Nina’s voice in the mix got him curious. His hunger forgotten, he climbed the rocks, sticking to the shadows as he edged around the building, to see what was going on.

Jayson had heard from Varric about Nina's last encounter with Vivienne and he wanted to make sure something wasn't happening again. He crept closer to get a better idea of the situation.

“Vivienne, dear, I've already offered my help to Nina here. Can we discuss theories later?” Dorian spoke. Jayson saw the mage lifting a heavy looking pot from the center of the clearing and moving it towards the left side of Adan’s cabin.

“I just don't see why you would subject yourself to menial labor when there are _clearly_ others better suited for it,” Jayson saw the enchanter looking towards Nina who was also moving the large pots.

Nina’s hands and dress were dirty, like always, but her hair was pulled to the side and held in a loose band. He could see the drops of sweat falling from her brows. She had obviously been at it for awhile.

“Perhaps Dorian finds comfort in helping someone other than himself. It is a humbling act that some people _clearly_ need to experience to grasp,” Nina spoke and it caught Jayson off guard. He had thought that Varric had exaggerated when telling the story about the Chantry encounter between the two, but clearly that wasn't the case. Nina obviously couldn't hold her tongue when it came to Vivienne.

“Darling, once a person rises in social standing it is hardly advantageous to climb back down into the dirt. Humility is a feeling for people who have not learned that lesson. Although, as a Tranquil I can see how the grasp of feelings could elude you.”

She stopped, still holding the pot in her arms and turned to Vivienne. “Madame de Fer, one does not need feelings to see you are someone who is reaching beyond your grasp for something you will never achieve.”

Vivienne posture shifted as Nina turned to walk away from the enchanter. Dorian's eyes grew wide as he scrambled to put the pot in his arms down. Jayson knew what Vivienne was about to do even if he couldn't feel the magic gathering himself. He had seen it before at her salon and he was not about to have it done to his adopted sister.

“Vivienne, I wouldn't do that if I were you,” Jayson said as he stepped from the shadows.

“I do not tolerate insults,” Vivienne replied.

“Then maybe you shouldn't instigate an argument,” he looked at her pointedly. “This is not Val Royeaux. I will not permit anyone attacking another person within these walls.”

“Herald…”

“No, Vivienne. I don't want to hear it. This will be your only warning. If I hear of you using magic on anyone within the Inquisition you will no longer be welcome.”

Vivienne looked at him to see how serious he was. When he didn't budge her lips pursed and she tilted her head slightly in acknowledgment. “Understood,” with that she turned and stalked off back towards the Chantry.

Jayson sighed and rubbed his hands down his face once the enchanter was out of sight. Dorian walked over to the cabin’s outer wall and leaned against it. And he noticed Nina continued to move the pots.

“First of all...what did I just witness?” Jason asked as he walked to pick up a pot and follow her to the ever growing pile.

“Madame de Fer wanted to talk to Dorian and did not get her way. I believe you witness a hissyfit,” Nina replied as Dorian began choking on air.

“You really don't like her, do you?” Jayson asked

“She is a power grabbing, self-centered, egomaniac. There is not much to like.”

“She has connections the Inquisition can use. We shouldn't alienate her. ” he said halfheartedly.

“Many others here have connections as well, but very few would use other people as pawns or stepping stones to achieve more social clout in a game that makes no sense in the rest of the world.”

“Even so…,” he sighed. “Leliana and Josephine want her here. I can't go against them unless she does something to harm someone.”

“If you had not stepped in then you would have had your grounds to dismiss her.”

Jayson stopped, dumbfounded. _‘Did she just really say that?’_

Dorian straightened to look at her. “You do realize she was about to freeze you solid, right? Do you really blame either of us for wanting to stop her?”

Nina didn't speak, but kept moving those damnable pots.

“Nina, stop,” Jayson walked over to her and pulled the pot from her arms. She resisted at first but ultimately let go. “What is going on? Did you provoke her on purpose?”

“Of course not. I just refuse to cower to someone like her,” she went to grab the pot back from him and he gripped it tighter.

“Can't you stop for a minute to talk to me?” he saw her deflate slightly. Her eyes downcast and her arms hanging at her side.

Nina pointed to the pot he was holding, “They needed to be moved. I was just doing it before something happened.”

He looked down at the pot in his arm and shook it. The liquid inside sloshed. “What's in them?”

“Explosives for the trebuchets,” she said calmly.

Jayson finished the walk to the other pots and put it down as he spoke. Not wanting to accidentally drop the container.  “Why are you doing this and not the requisitions officers?”

“Threnn and I are not on the best of terms and would not send anyone to move them.”

“Fine…,” he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “You aren't to work anymore today,” he could see she was about to object. “I'll talk to Threnn myself and get someone over here to finish.”

Nina just nodded.

“Good. Now I need a drink,” he paused to look at her. Sweat covered and looking tired. “Have you eaten today?” her lack of response was all the answer he needed. “Let's go get some food.”

“I think I could drink an entire bottle of wine after that display,” Dorian spoke as they started to walk towards the Tavern. “I can see now why Varric calls you Wildfire,” he said as he looked towards Nina.

“I think his nickname for her is the most accurate one I have heard so far,” Jayson chuckled.

“I still do not see it,” Nina replied.

“Darling, if you are capable of doing that to Vivienne without being able to put inflection into your voice...I fear what you will be able to do once we get you back to normal.”

After they got their food - and alcohol - Jayson left the group that had gathered in the Singing Maiden to go back to the war room. He could hear the laughter of Dorian's retelling as he walked out of the door and wished that he could stay there for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately there was still work to do and the others were waiting on him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit later than usual, but I still have 30ish minutes till midnight, so....still counts. :-D
> 
> So as a bonus for being late I'll just give you guys another picture. It's a clean shaven Jayson, although at the moment he has stubble.
> 
>  


	27. Petitioner’s Path

 

 

The next day Nina stood outside of the war room and waited for the meeting with Jayson and the advisors to finish...or take a break...or something.

She had talked to Chancellor Roderick about the Petitioner’s Path. At first he wanted nothing to do with her, but after some ego stroking he gave in and told her how to find it. It was amazing how fast you could change someone's mind when you made it seem like it was their idea all along. He would still able to take credit for it and that was the main thing he wanted.

The catch was that it was beyond the door at the back of the war room. There had been non-stop meetings taking place in preparation of closing the Breach and Nina hadn't found the right time to investigate what she had learned. Which is why she had spent her time moving explosives, finding spare blankets and working to gather herbs to make potions with Adan. Well...he made the potions and let her watch.

So she stood patiently, resisting the urge to pace. The two guard at the door would look over to her from time to time, but neither would speak, which suited her just fine. Vivienne had glanced at her when she came in, but just turned and refused to acknowledge her presence. And Mother Gazelle continued talking to the Chantry sisters that flocked to listen.

Another twenty minutes passed before the door opened. Nina hoped it would be all of them leaving for the day, but instead it was just Josephine.

Lady Montilyet was looking down at some papers on her board as she walked towards her office. Nina walked forward slowly, hoping to get Josephine’s attention before speaking. “Lady Montilyet,” she said with a small bow.

This was the first time she had gotten close to the ambassador and was struck by how beautiful she really was. Josephine’s tan skin and dark hair were the exact opposite of her. It was nothing short of what Nina used to believe was exotic back home. Her posture, clothes, and hair were perfect and Nina felt just a touch jealous thinking about the state of herself at the moment.

“Yes?” Josephine looked up. “Ah...yes, Nina. Can I help you with something?”

“Could I inquire how long the war room will be in use?” Nina looked down, clasping her hands behind her, but still speaking clearly.

The ambassador looked back to her paperwork, “I am uncertain. We still have many things to discuss,” she paused then look at Nina. “Did you need to speak with the Herald? I could give him a message for you if you would like,” she smiled.

“Thank you, but there is no need. I was wanting to look into something. He is stretched thin as it is for me to bother him.”

A third voice broke into their conversation, “Not so thin to help you if you need it,” Jayson said. He was leaning against the door frame of the war room entry. It was obvious now that the door hadn't closed behind Josephine and he had been listening in.

“I do not need help. I need to get into the storage room past the war room. I did not want to interrupt anything pressing.”

“We are taking a short break while we wait for Josephine. You could come in here now if you'd like,” he replied.

The ambassador took that as her cue to continue to her office after a slight nod to Nina.

“I can wait,” she said quickly.

“You may not get another chance until tomorrow,” Jayson shrugged.

Nina really didn't like the idea of looking for the path with all of them still around, but she needed to find it quickly so she could get supplies set up for a quick escape. She didn't want all of them looking over her shoulder when she finds it - even if she could use Chancellor Roderick as an excuse - but it seemed inevitable at this point.

“Just tell her to get what she needs so we can get back to work,” Nina could hear Cassandra's voice call out of the room. She sounded unamused.

She noticed Jayson flinch slightly and she wanted to do the same. Nina steeled herself and walked into the room. She kept her head down not wanting to see or be seen by anyone there. She could just pretend they weren't there and she wasn't surrounded by the most curious and influential people currently in Thedas.

Nina walked around the table on the side Josephine would normally stand and made her way to the door in the back of the room. She opened it quickly and stepped in. Nina went to close the door only to have it stopped by someone. She looked back to see Leliana’s hand on the door keeping it open. The Spymaster was looking directly at her with a gaze that could break anyone if they looked too long.

“What are you searching for, Nina? I may be able to help you find it,” Leliana was so calm and had some small smile that graced her lips.

To the average person it was just an offer to help, but Nina had been around several people like her in the past to know better. Lying to the spymaster wasn't an option even if she could get away with it.

_‘This is why I wanted to wait!’_

Nina sighed internally _,_ “I am searching for a hidden passage. Chancellor Roderick told me of its existence to use as an alternate escape route if needed.”

Leliana’s face didn't betray any surprise, although her eyes narrowed slightly. _‘She already knew!’_

Jayson on the other hand did seemed surprised when his face came into view. Nina was slightly worried he would put dots together that was better left unconnected for now. He was the only one who knew she wanted to talk to the Chancellor. Luckily if he did connect something he didn't say anything around the others, but the look on his face was questioning. She was going to have to find a plausible reason to tell him later. For now she had to find this tunnel.

She turned and walked into the room, very much aware of the two people behind her. It was much larger than what she was expecting...and definitely a storage room. There were dust covered bookshelves sitting against the far wall and stacks of books scattered on a small desk tucked between them. Several sacks of grain - or other rations - sat in a corner surrounding large barrels...possibly ale from what Nina guessed. Canvas for tents were rolled up at the bottom of one of the bookshelves and poles leaning up against it. There were so many useful things that could be easily grabbed and ready when they had to make their escape from Haven.

It took her a moment to gather herself back up to continue with her initial plan. There was a small statue of Andraste, framed in an alcove to the right of the room. The idol was dusted when nothing else in the room had been. It was surrounded by unlit, but half used candles at the base. Braziers that hung from the walls in similar, unadorned alcoves, to either side were lit. Obviously used - probably by Leliana - recently.

Nina walked up to the statue and knelt. She didn't necessarily feel comfortable praying to Andraste, but it seemed wrong to open the tunnel without doing it. After thanking the Maker she has made it this far, she stood and walked to the brazier on the right. There was a loose stone near knee level and she pushed. The fake stone wall swung open and the stale air in the unused tunnel came flooding out. The fire fluttered, but held strong against the change in air. Nina looked down the set of stairs that greeted her after a small platform.

She wanted to see where it went. Wanted to see how far the tunnel went. How deep under the mountains it went. Was there a place she could store some of the potions or blankets to make it easier to grab? Would she be able to get some of their resources further into the tunnel to give the others more time to escape?

Nina went to take a step when a hand landed on her shoulder. She startled slightly and turned, completely forgetting there were other people in the room, to see Jayson looking back at her.

“We need to get it cleared by someone before you go exploring,” there was joking in his voice, but concern in his eyes.

“I agree with the Herald,” Leliana said from somewhere behind Jayson. “I can have someone look into.”

“How soon?” Nina asked even though she knew that last part had been aimed towards Jayson. She looked around him to see Leliana’s reaction.

Leliana’s eyes were searching for something. _‘What do they keep expecting to find?’_ Nina wondered as the Spymaster’s eyes locked with hers.

Nina was pulled from her thoughts when the Spymaster spoke, “Today...after our meeting is concluded,” her brows furrowed still searching for something.

_‘It's must be frustrating to not be able to read someone.’_

“Very well. Could someone let me know when it is safe?” she looked back to Jayson.

“You'll be the first to know,” Jayson said. There was something under that statement that made her wary.

“Then I will leave you to your work,” Nina placed her hand briefly on Jayson’s, that still sat on her shoulder, reminding him it was still there. He released her and allowed her to walked around him.

She passed by the Leliana without giving a glance, hoping to make it out of the war room without delay. Her ability to block out the others was fading when she caught Cassandra not so subtle glare aimed at her and Cullen purposefully looking down at the map.

She nearly made it to the door when she heard Jayson speak up, “I'll see you later, Nina.”

She sighed internally, hoping this wasn't going to bite her in the ass later and just nodded in acknowledgment as she opened the door and left.


	28. And So It Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Green light shown,  
> And black birds flown,  
> In a hurried, frantic dash.  
> A snap like thunder,  
> Sent in wonder,  
> Where sky and mountain clash.  
> As the shock wave started,  
> The clouds were parted,  
> Wiped clear for miles around.  
> The ground it shook,  
> With one last look,  
> The Breach was finally bound.

 

 

The sky was so blue. Streaks of green wove and danced where the Breach in the sky used to be. Sounds of cheering echoed from every available surface as people grasped and hugged each other in triumph. Scouts danced in the streets and several people took the opportunity to kiss the person standing next to them, if so inclined. The moment had come when most believed the world was saved.

Nina knew differently, but that did not stop the slight happiness she felt when she looked up to clear blue sky above them. There was a lot to come, many moments where despair could bring them down, but right now...right this second, nothing could take away how good it felt to be there.

The Inquisition managed not only closing the Breach but also bringing together warring groups to do it. Which was a feat that many believed wouldn't be possible.

Things had taken a wild change when the Templars arrived late the night before. From what she had overheard, Ser Barris asked for an audience with Jayson and they talked until very late. Once dawn came, they were organizing the mages and Templars to attempt to close the Breach.

Barris had also brought news that the rest of the Templar Order was close on their heels. The group of Templars that arrived were few in number due to the fact that they had to sneak out of Therinfal Redoubt, but according to Barris it was enough to send the Lord Seeker into a blind rage - on top of the hate he was already spewing about the mages. They had kept a scout trailing behind them to keep an eye on if they were being followed and double timed it to Haven when they realized the mass of them were marching.

So, while the inner circle, mages, and Templars geared up and headed towards the Temple, orders were given to evacuate the town under the instruction of Josephine.

Master Dennet rallied his stable hands and started towards a farmstead he knew near the base of the mountains where they could wait until the matter with the Templar Order could be resolved. Whether that be with words or with swords no one knew, but they gathered what supplies they could and left. Many of the villagers choose to follow Dennet down the mountain, but a few stayed to keep the Inquisition running.

All of this had sent Nina’s head spinning. Did her having Cullen contact Barris really have that much effect on what was supposed to happen? What else would it change? If the civilian casualties went down, would someone important die to make up for the loss?

She was shaken from her thoughts with the sealing of the Breach.

  


\---

  


Nina closed her sketchbook and put it in her bag. She had taken the time to pack what few belongings she had and prepared for nightfall.

While many others were still celebrating the closing of the Breach, two days later, she waited for the dots of fire to fill the nights sky over the mountains.

They had plenty of warning the Templars were coming and Haven’s population had been cut down to one third of what it had been. But many believed that the Templars could still be reasoned with and choose to stay.

Jayson had nearly begged her to leave but she refused. When he had gotten so frustrated - to the point of nearly ordering her - Dorian stepped in and calmed him down. She had to make sure her meddling wasn't going to fuck up the timeline even more. Even if the forewarning was a good thing, it didn't mean something couldn't go terribly wrong later.

Nina wanted so badly to tell Jayson about the mine shaft. To let him know he was going to be okay after dealing with that monster. But to do that she would also have to explain Corypheus and covering Haven in an avalanche. So, she held her tongue and continued checking to make sure Adan had made plenty of potions.

She wanted to go turn that last trebuchet around to face the mountain behind Haven. But that would be to suspicious. Not to mention Cullen might have a conniption fit over his perfectly calibrated machine. So, she made sure there were plenty of blankets, cloaks, and rations stashed in the store room. Which was so much easier without everyone in the war room.

She even wanted to get people moving through the tunnels, as the light faded from the sky, before the army could bear down on them. Get a path clearly marked for Jayson to follow up the mountain. But that would just mean the town would be overrun sooner and their escape compromised. So, she just stood at the top of the stairs near Varric’s fire and waited once night fell.

Nina didn't have to wait very long after that to hear the first blaring of the signal horn. Leliana had left her scouts out further to see the approaching forces with the strict instructions to retreat when they got close.

The second horn blew as soldiers lined themselves up just inside the gates, creating a solid barrier of metal if needed. It was fully dark by then and the torches could be clearly seen even over the tall wooden wall surrounding the town.

But it wasn't until the third horn blew that Nina could see the first of the red Templars clearly coming over the ridge. She saw the red glimmering in the torch light and her skin crawled as every fiber of her being wanted to run.

Which she did.

Nina was not going to stay outside when a battle was about to break out. She didn't stay to see Cole arrive, or to hear about Samson and the Elder One. She could hear the shouts of command being given when it became clear a fight was imminent. Already feeling slightly overwhelmed by the idea of it all, she was not staying to black out in the middle of the town.

Once inside the Chantry, Nina blocked out the sounds of everything going on around her, choosing to focus on double and triple checking everything.

 _‘Everything is going to be fine. Everyone is going to be fine,’_ she chanted in her head as she recounted the blankets in the corner of the store room.

Nina heard the screech of the dragon as it pierced through the sky and lost focus on what she was doing. She could hear the screaming as people flooded into the Chantry. She could hear arguing and someone yelling. Her body was trying to shut down on her, but she tried pushing it back the way she did in the Fade. Distancing it from herself.

Nina didn't know if it actually worked or if her brain was tricking itself, but she managed to stay on her feet and walked to the main part of the Chantry.

People were already in the process of grabbing things and making their way to the tunnel, and she side stepped them so she wouldn't get trampled. They would be more efficient in moving everything anyways since she was focusing on breathing and staying conscious. She leaned against a pillar and held herself up to look around.

Nina caught sight of Jayson and the others near the front. Steely determination crossed over Jayson’s face. Things broke down from there. Rhedyn grabbed his arm and was pleading with him. Although they were too far away to be heard, Nina could clearly she the horrified look in Rhedyn’s eyes and she begged her brother to stay. Nina’s heart started thumping faster as the scene unfolded.

 _‘I should_ **_say_ ** _something! I should_ **_do_ ** _something...anything!’_

Wracking her brain she couldn't come up with anything to say that would assure them without breaking something else.

She went to take a step and her legs buckled under her. Her body was finally giving out and she wanted to cry. She wanted to help them.

Cole appeared beside her in that moment. Her want obviously compelling Compassion to her.

“Wanting, willing, waiting, but never the right time. I have to help. He has to make it. The world is doomed without him,” Cole said as he read her thoughts. All she could manage was to nod her head. “You planned and plotted trying to protect, but can't. Winding paths, locked and unlocked, choices made in a moment, too much, too soon.”

“Cole, now is not the time,” she whispered as her vision started growing dark. “Can you do something for me?”

“Yes,” he replied without having to hear the request.

The only thing she could do now was give Cole her spare bag of potions to make sure the others survived long enough.

She could feel strong arms wrapping around her and being lifted from the stone floor seemingly moments later. Her brain trying to fight back as much as possible against the onslaught it knew was coming. Her eyes focused just enough to see Cullen’s curly blonde hair and furry pauldrons before everything went dark.

 


	29. Shelter from the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't get you guys a chapter on bonus chapter Tuesday. With multiple Thanksgivings, an illness that just doesn't know when to quit, and being threatened by tornadoes it just wasn't in the cards. However, with NaNo done (which I didn't finish) and a gap in the holidays I should be able to give you guys two chapters a week again. *fingers crossed* 
> 
> Thank you all for being patient and your continued reading and support. :-)

 

 

 

The sound of the avalanche was deafening as it crashed onto Haven. Sounds of muffled screams could barely be heard over the crunching of wood as it flattened the town in one fell swoop. Even the screech from the dragon as it took off was dulled in comparison to the mighty roar of the mountain descending. They watched as the snow stopped and settled and a sense of dread overcame them. Was this the end? Before they even had a chance to really start fixing the world?

Several people stopped and fell into the snow at their feet and began praying. Praying to the Maker. Praying to Andraste. Praying for the Herald. Praying for anything and everything racing through their minds.

Cullen knew they couldn't stay there. It was too exposed to the elements. The cold and harsh winds would have them frozen before the sun was even a thought in the sky.

It had been his idea to bury the town. His idea to bring the survivors up the mountain. It was his responsibility to make sure that they lived...even if the Herald hadn't.

He looked down to Nina in his arms. It hadn't been easy carrying her and traversing the mountain, but he had managed with the help of Rhedyn. She had induced a sleeping spell on Nina when he could no longer keep her thrashing contained. They didn't know how it would affect her, but they couldn't focus on just her when there were so many others that needed his attention. Hopefully, it wasn't another of his decisions that would cost yet another life.

He shook those thoughts away, trying to come back to the here and now. He needed to get these people somewhere safe and he needed it done quickly.

“Bull, I need your help,” Cullen called as he shifted Nina's weight once again in his arms.

“Name it,” Bull replied without batting an eye.

“We have to get these people moving. We can't stay out here. The longer we stay, the worse it's going to get.” The wind whipped by as if to prove a point.

Bulled scanned the group. They had stopped long enough to gain their bearings and make a small fire to at least cauterize some of the wounds the healers couldn't get to. The mages had all but exhausted themselves by then. “There are a lot of injured, Cullen. I don't think we can get them moving any faster than they already are.”

“Can we put them in the wagons? We may have to help push, but it would be easier and we'd be able to pick up the pace.”

“We would have to unload some of the supplies, but I think we can manage. I'll get the Chargers working on it.” Cullen nodded his head and started to walk away when Bull called to him. “You're going to need to put her on one of them too, Cullen,” Bull said as he pointed to Nina. “You can't keep carrying her and do what you have to.”

Cullen's eyes dropped to the still figure in his arms again. Bull was right of course, but he was worried that if he let her go she might break even further. She was already so weak...so fragile. Her limp body seemed worryingly light for her frame and her hair wasn't nearly as bright as he remembered seeing it. He took in every delicate feature on her face, from her pale skin to her narrow nose, before landing on the Brand so prominent on her forehead. He was responsible for doing this to her, but he didn't know if that gave him more of a right to feel protective or less.

“Don't worry, Cullen,” Bull said as if reading his thoughts. “I'll get her on one and get Rhedyn to watch over her. It might give her something else to think about,” Bull replied.

Cullen hadn't even thought about how Rhedyn was feeling through all of this. After her initial outburst in the Chantry, she had grown quiet and distant from everyone and everything around her. “I think that's a good idea,” Cullen sighed as he shifted Nina into Bull's arms. “I'll get some of my soldiers to help unload some things from the other wagon. Keep the tents and any food, anything else we can always come back for once we find a place to sent up. We're also going to need anything we can get to make fires once we find shelter.”

With a nod Bull turned and bellowed to his men, who immediately set into action, as Cullen did the same. It didn't take long to get the whole of the group moving once more.

The canvas for the tents were used as a lining for the wagons and extra cover for those who were suffering from the worst effects of the cold. The thick canvas was able to hold a lot of body heat, so they put the people as close as possible without discomfort. Bags of grain were re-purposed as pillows. Fire runes were placed underneath the wagons. Not only to radiate heat upwards into the wagons themselves, but also help softening the snow slightly making it easier for the druffalo to pull the weight. It also helped the people trailing behind them. The brontos were ladened with as much as they could without straining them, but there was still many supplies that were left behind.

Leliana sent several of her scouts ahead while the rest helped carry supplies or the injured they couldn't fit onto the wagons. It took another hour before they found a suitable location. They had stopped twice more to reposition things to allow more riders in the wagons. It was slow going, but there was a collective sigh of relief when they reached the spot the scouts had found. A natural alcove in the mountains blocked the worst of the winds and it was flat enough to set up tents and get fires going. Even with frozen hands and fingers they got the tents up and the injured settled to be tended.

The largest tent was put closest to the fire and used to treat people as well as get them warmed. Soon enough everything settled and several people were able to sleep if not just rest. Mages were able to rest and recoup their mana which aided tremendously. That didn't go unnoticed by anyone, including Cullen. Vivienne and Solas were at the forefront of healing while Dorian provided helpful support. Cullen had witnessed them bickering on several occasions, but now it seemed that they were working well together as the flurry of activity in the healer's tent continued. However, as bad as it seemed and with as many injured as there were, it would have been a lot worse if the majority of the villagers had not left before the attack happened. Cullen prayed to the Maker they had the spare time to make sure they all escaped.

Cullen wanted to go check on their progress many times, but decided against it until things settled further. Not only would he be of no help – and probably in the way – but the amount of lyrium the mages were using was enough to keep him from going into the tent. So, he checked on the scouting patrols, and once some had thawed out Cullen sent them to retrieve the supplies left behind. He needed something to keep his mind occupied and sleep wasn't an option even if he was thoroughly exhausted.

It didn't take long for the make shift camp to grow quiet - maybe another hour. Most were asleep by then, but many of those awake stayed silent as the gravity of what had happened kicked in.

Cullen was pacing when he noticed that strange boy, Cole, enter the healer's tent. It was quiet enough he decided to follow and see how everyone still within was doing. His eyes were immediately drawn to the figure on the cot in the corner. Which seemed to be right where the boy was headed.

He started to walk closer to them, but second guessed himself almost immediately. He checked on Chancellor Roderick instead. The man had taken a stab to the abdomen, but looked like he would pull through. Cullen looked over the few soldiers who had more serious wounds that the healers and mages couldn't patch up quickly enough. Few would make it through the night and he prayed by each in turn hoping it brought them even the smallest comfort in their last hours. Dorian was passed out on a cot looking haggard, Vivienne was nowhere to be seen, and Solas was still fluttering between cots. Finally he made it around to where Nina was lying in a cot next to a sleeping Rhedyn and the boy was sitting on the ground beside her.

Cullen was going to leave them in peace when the boy spoke. “You can stay if you want. It won't hurt her now.”

Cullen's brow furrowed, “I don't think she would want me here if she wakes up.”

“She isn't going to wake up,” Cole said sadly. When Cullen's eyes grew wide in panic, Cole frantically waved his hands. “I didn't say it right. She can't wake up right now. It would hurt her too much even if she wants to.”

“What do you mean?” Cullen asked, still confused.

“Tired and scared. Demons keep clawing. Spinning and swirling as the tingle gets louder, stronger. Why can't I wake up?” Cole's voice changed slightly. He couldn't put a finger on who's it was, but it clearly wasn't his own thoughts.

“What are you talking about?” Cullen was too tired to try to piece together the nonsense.

Solas appeared so quietly beside Cullen he startled slightly. “Cole, is there anyone else you can help?” The mage looked far more tired than Cullen had ever seen him.

“Yes,” his face lit up slightly as he turned to Cullen. “The Herald is cold. He's going to need help to make it the rest of the way.”

“What?” Cullen's head was spinning by this point. “How do you know that?”

“He's bright. A beacon in the dark,” Cole stood and turned to leave the tent without another word.

Cullen could only look back to the spot Cole had just vacated in confusion.

The Herald was alive? How was that possible? And how did he know?

“I believe he can take you to the Herald. If what he says is true, you should take an extra cloak,” Solas grabbed one of the cloaks draped across an empty cot and handed it to Cullen. When Cullen just stared at the fabric in his hand, Solas continued. “I would hurry if you want to make sure he doesn't freeze.”

That got him moving. On his way from the tent he grabbed Cassandra’s attention along with a few scouts and took off in the direction Cole was walking.

It didn't take long for them to see the green flash of the mark glowing off of the snow.


	30. Fading Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Multiple POV

 

 

Nina POV

 

_Athens was so beautiful! The vibrant colors on the buildings and houses were only complemented by the colors of the flower producing vines climbing the sides of them. Their sweet floral scent filled many of the outdoor cafes and open areas surrounding the city. The sunset was nothing short of stunning as the sun descended behind the horizon. Nina had spent many afternoons sitting near the docks practicing her watercolors and loved every minute of it. She took every opportunity to venture out into the city whenever she could. She just couldn't sit in her room when there were so many things she had yet to see._

_Now she was standing at the top of the stairs in the Odeon of Herodes Atticus – an ancient amphitheater in the side of the mountains – overlooking the city. She couldn't see the ocean from here, but it was still wonderful to watch the sun dip further down in the sky. She was watching the shadows lengthen as the afternoon progressed._

_Nina pulled out her phone to take pictures. She needed to keep her family updated. Besides, she wanted to use them for reference later even if the pictures never did justice to the actual experience of being there._

_She checked the time on her phone after several photos. There was an eight hour difference between her and home. Thomas, her little brother, would be awake by now, so she decided to facetime him. It didn't take long for him to pick up. He was still in his pajamas with bedhead, but he was eating breakfast and awake so that was a plus._

_“Hey, Shorty, what's up?” Thomas asked as soon as he saw her._

_“You...barely,” she took in the site of his red, pirate footy pajamas. “Dude, it's like noon there. How could you sleep so late?”_

_“It's Saturday. I don't have to be anywhere. Why should I wake up early?” he shrugged as he put another spoon full of Fruitloops into his mouth._

_“Fair enough, but you can at least enjoy the view with me while you eat. It's just about as colorful as your breakfast,” Nina turned where her back was to the front of the amphitheater and the majority of the city was in the frame._

_“Dude, that's awesome! I'm so jelly right now.”_

_“I know right!”_

_Thomas and Nina talked for another twenty minutes before a loud noise broke through their conversation. She turned to look at the stage, expecting to see a band testing their drums. It sounded like a bass drum that echoed through the stands. There was no one there though, so she looked back to her phone to continue talking._

_Thomas, however, wasn't there anymore. “Dammit, did I hang up on him?” she asked out loud. She heard the same thump as before and looked around to see where it was coming from, but couldn't figure out where it was._

_She thought about sitting back down to finish watching the sunset, but she decided it would be better to get back to her room before she got lost wandering through town. Two weeks had not been quite enough time to fill comfortable traversing the city at night._

_It got dark faster than she expected though. She wasn't even halfway to her dorm before the street lights kicked on and the daylight was gone. Nina checked her phone to look at the time and an hour had passed by without knowing it._

**_This isn't right._ **

_She had a weird feeling. She never had a problem keeping track of time before and her dorm really wasn't that far._

_Nina kept walking but the lights and side streets started looking the same as she walked. Soon the lights were scattered to the point where dense patches of shadows covered the majority of the ground and Nina became even more uneasy._

**_Something's wrong._ **

_She heard that thump again, bouncing off the nearby buildings, and turned a full circle to find the source of it. All of the lights were off in the homes surrounding her. “It's not that late,” she checked her phone again. It was near midnight._

**_This isn't how it happened._ **

_“What the hell is going on?”_

_Suddenly all of the street lights went out and her path was plunged into darkness. She called out, but no one answered. She tried making a call on her phone but the battery was dead. When Nina looked back up she realized she couldn't see anything. Not the building, or the road, or even her hand when she raised it up._

_It was pitch black._

 

\------

 

Hope POV

 

Heavy...troubled...distant...she is unable to hear, to listen. It is most disconcerting.

“Da'lin?” Hope spoke trying to get through to Nina. She had been unresponsive no matter what Hope did to bring her back to her senses. The Fade was repressive when Hope tried to come alone – there was a sense of wrongness that permeated the area - but after communicating with Justice and Wisdom they came to help create a small area the spirits could be in for a time. Normally, the spirits would have found somewhere else to be, another place that wasn't so conflicting with their natures, but Hope could not leave Nina when she needed it the most. So Hope spent all the time granted to it to bring whatever comfort it could to her.

“We have been trying this for days, Hope. It isn't working,” Justice grumbled after coming back from chasing away another demon. “We should wait for him to come. He was able to break her out of it like last time.”

“We cannot wait. You know as well as I that she cannot stay here for much longer. We have already been waiting a week and he has not come.”

They were coming close to the end of their time. Hope could feel just the edge of the malice slipping through their barrier of Wills when Learning entered the area and combined its Will to the rest. There was a sense of urgency and worry coursing through it that set Hope on edge as soon as it appeared.

“My apologies,” Learning said in haste before the others could speak. “I do not have time to explain. We need to wake her up.”

Justice scowled at Learning, “What do you think we have been doing this whole time?”

Learning walked past them, completely ignoring Justice, and stood up near the barrier. It looked in near panic. “Da'lin....Nina, you need to wake up,” it began banging on the barrier trying to get her attention. Her eyes widened slightly, but it didn't seem to break through completely. It turned to the rest of them, “Help me!”

Justice and Hope immediately walked to the barrier and began trying to gain Nina's attention. Wisdom was more hesitant, “What have you learned that has you so worried, Learning?”

It answered while the others continued call out to Nina, “She is being poisoned.”

Hope stopped and turned to look at Learning, “What?”

“Here, on the other side of the Veil, red lyrium is growing. It is spreading and consuming everything it touches.”

“What does that mean?” Wisdom asked again, but this time coming to the edge of the barrier to help the others. There was more urgency radiating off of all of them now. So, much so that Hope was sure it was pushing against the barrier as much as Nina's emotions were pushing outward.

“The Veil is too thin. It is growing faster than normal because it is feeding off of her and the emotions she is pushing outward. It will only get worse the longer she is here.”

“But we cannot keep her from the Fade completely, and we are no closer to breaking the barrier than we were before!” Justice exclaimed while pulling its sword out to use the pommel to make a loud sound against the barrier.  

Hope noticed Nina's head had turned in their direction as they continued to call to her. Nina's eyes were hazy and unfocused, but it was a step in the proper direction. Hope saw – not for the first time – Nina's skin was paler than it had been and she did not look nearly as rested as she should be after a week in the Fade. Hope clearly could see that Learning was right and something needed to be done...and quickly.

“No, but we can get her out of here now and that is all that matters in this moment,” Learning proclaimed.

“Will it not hurt her to wake up so suddenly? Her emotions are still dangerously high,” Wisdom asked.

Hope turned to the rest of them and pointed out, “First we must gain her attention before we can attempt anything else. So if you would please focus on that,” it gestured toward the barrier and to the girl inside.

They continued to talk, hit, and strike the barrier, but nothing seemed to break her from the haze Nina seemed to be stuck in.

Justice became frustrated and bellowed as he struck the barrier one last time with his sword, and her eyes flashed.

  
Finally, she was back with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I will explain. I hope it helps a little of the confusion and suddenness of this turn. 
> 
> We know that:
> 
> Red lyrium started growing at an accelerated rate when the Breach opened. Meaning it feeds greatly off of Fade energies and weakening the Veil caused it to expand quickly. 
> 
> Lyrium somehow (not explained) bridges a gap between the Fade and the waking world. 
> 
> Spirits are not effected by the symptoms of lyrium, but red lyrium is Blighted so they could fell the wrongness of it in a sense.
> 
> There is proof of red lyrium already growing in the Gallows, which has been established as where Nina's mind is in the Fade. And the Veil is extremely thin there and is just a hot zone for the lyrium the thrive and feed off of the Fade. 
> 
> When people are even close to raw lyrium (even the blue kind) for a prolonged period of time it has serious effects. 
> 
>  
> 
> It has only recently become a problem for her because of the Breach accelerating everything and the lyrium is feeding off of the Will and Fade energies she is producing. 
> 
> Does that help in any way?


	31. Refusing to Drown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a drill. I repeat this is not a drill. You have a new chapter!

 

 

Nina gasped for air. Her was chest tight and heavy while she took shallow breaths, like a vice was slowly pushing every breath from her. She tried to escape the feeling of drowning, fighting against the darkness trying to swallow her completely. It was almost as if a hand wrapped around her ankle to drag her further under as she struggled towards the surface. The rush of falling gripped her chest in fear as time seemed to drag on for eternity.

She clawed and scrambled, hoping to find something - _anything_ \- to dig her fingers into, but it was futile as she was pulled further under. She kicked and screamed, managing to make her way up slightly, before those hands gripped her once again.

But that brief moment was enough. She saw Hope through the haze covering her vision. The spirit yelled at her and Nina fought tooth and nail against whatever was pulling at her in response.

The look on the spirit's face was searching, pleading, and reminiscent of pain as it continued to yell at her.

Nina couldn't hear Hope. Her head felt like it was packed with cotton or wool. The weight of it kept trying to pull her back down into the darkness.  Whispers in her mind told her to let go, stop fighting, submit, but she kept looking at Hope, _her Hope_ , and fought back.

Her mind conjured up the thought of her hanging onto a ledge with nothing but her fingertips, trying desperately to bring her other hand up to give her leverage. The idea of drowning faded, but it was replaced with the horrible sense of dread that if she let go she would plummet into an abyss. Into never-ending and eternal darkness. The whispers were accompanying that ever present tingle that refused to give her a moment of reprieve.

She was forgetting something, and it was starting to bug the _shit out of her!_ She realized it had been that tingle that first pulled at her memories. Trying to coax her to think about what it was she was forgetting. If she wasn't careful she could easily be pulled back by it.

Her breath still refused to return to her, but she tried to focus on what was here…now.

_Lying down not falling._

She could feel the ground pressing into her back. The pain in her back after being in one place for too long surged through her and grounded her further.

_Thedas not Earth._

Nina’s heart rate started to slow. No longer threatening to crack her ribs with every beat.

 _Fade not nightmares_.

Her breaths began to even out. Still struggling to fill her lungs completely, but she finally felt like she was getting some air.

_9:41 Dragon not 2016 AD._

It saddened her, but that was the reality of it all. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she pushed the last lingering thought of Thomas’ smile from her mind.

With each realization, she could fill the tingle lose its all over quality and the whispers became dimmer, but still refused to let her go. It wasn't until Justice screamed and hit the barrier with all his might that it finally let go. And with it the last of her shuddering breaths.

“Wha,” she tried to speak, but her throat was raw and sore. Her mind whirled, not able to settle on anything long enough to make a coherent thought after the battle she just fought.

Nina could see all of the spirits standing on the other side of the barrier. She could see them talking, but it still didn't register. She tried to focus her mind long enough to make out what they were saying, but it took a lot of energy...and Maker she was tired. Too tired to put that level of energy into anything.

When her eyes threatened to close, a scream or bang pulled her back to consciousness.

It was a struggle. Having been so weighted down and fumbling after so long. But she managed. Managed to push with everything she had to clear whatever she could quickly. Managed to clear her head enough to listen to the spirits pleading for her to listen. Managed to understand what was happening. Nina pulled her thoughts in in an attempt to not have it all come crashing down around her once more. She grasped that thread of consciousness and pulled with everything she had left. The weight of so many emotions was still threatening to drag her under.

But what choice did she have?

She couldn't stay in the Fade. Couldn't linger to relieve any of the tension that had built up. Couldn't push anymore emotions away before the feeling of drowning started to return to her.

 

\---

 

Nina's eyes flew open as soon as she woke. Her heart was pounding and frantic as she tried to reel in what she could. It was still too much. Too much pain and loss swirling around. She could feel her breath shudder and her limbs vibrate.

“Just breathe,” she heard a voice say beside her. “It's going to be okay.”

Nina couldn't tell who it was but it wasn't helping. She could feel herself being pulled back under as if her fight in the Fade hadn't even happened. The sickening feeling that she was grasping for nothing came back to her as the sense of falling returned. Her lungs burned with every gasp and her body shook violently.

She felt a cold hand settle on her forehead and her chest felt like it was going to explode. Her heart raced further, and her breath came out in choking sobs as the tears spilled from her eyes.

The hand started to pull back and she reached up to latch onto it, refusing to let go.

“I broke you! Why did I break you?”

_‘Cole!’_

She refused to let go of him as he was pulling away. “No, Cole, you haven't broken me,” she continued to sob.

“What did I do?” he panicked.

She didn't think it was going to be possible for Cole to have this effect on her. Yes, he was part of the Fade, but he made himself a physical body. She knew his ability to read thoughts and feeling came from the Fade. But when he first showed up and there was no immediate change in her condition Nina lost hope that she would at least be able to be herself for even the smallest amount of time before the reversal.

She nearly forgot what it felt like to have full control of her body and it ached to do more and less at the same time. Too much, too fast, but she loved the rush that came with it. Every cell in her body felt like it was vibrating.

Her sobs turned to hysterical laughter. “It's happened before. This is so surreal.”

“I need to get someone,” he went to pull away again, but she stopped him by wrapping her hands around his to keep him there.

“Don't. Please!” she begged him. “Just give me a few more minutes of being me before it's taken away again,” she pleaded. “I just need a few more minutes.”

He searched her eyes briefly before he closed his. “Warring want and worry. It will only hurt when he lets go, but I can't keep him here. Too many needs. Too many pains. I can't hoard Compassion, no matter how much I feel like I'm losing myself.”

He sat on the cot beside her as she shifted to get a better grip on his hand. Nina took it from her forehead, but still kept the connection between them as tight as possible. Not wanting to let go of this feeling.

She continued to cry as the tears fell unending from eyes that had been dry for too long. Shudders of pain and happiness flashed through her in a wave of emotions that clashed and swirled around each other with each breath that filled her.

Finally bursts of laughter overcame her as she was thrown into a fit. She couldn't help it anymore as the tears that continued. She was an absolute mess, but at the moment she didn't care.

She could easily see how someone could go insane after only a few years of being Tranquil. Nina felt it all. All the fear, pain and torture she had been put through, but also all of the happiness, joy and warmth she had been able to find in those moments here and back on Earth.

“I can make it, Cole. I just need a little time so it doesn't hurt as much,” she said between giggle fits and sobs.

“You have hope,” Cole said while she struggled to calm herself some.

“Yes, it keeps me going,” Nina said with a big smile that pushed her unused muscles to their limits. She thought about the only thing that never left her. The only person that never tried to change her, but instead pushed her to do more... be more. To find a way out of this goddess forsaken mess she had found her way into.

Hope, the only constant she found in either life.

 _‘Find the good in everything, Nina. No matter how bleak or dark or daunting the task. For there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to be willing to keep going to see it. And when you do, you will be able to finally find peace in a world shrouded by worry.’_ Hope’s words still rang true from those early days. _‘Just keep trying. That is all I ask.’_

Cole held onto her hand as tightly as she held his for another twenty minutes before she steeled herself. It was time and it will only hurt more the longer she held on. She looked into his eyes as she began coming down from the emotional high she was on. “You helped, Cole. Even if it might not feel like it afterwards, you _have_ helped.”

“You are not silent like the others. It is smaller, fainter, but it's still there. I can still hear your hurt and be able to help.”

“Thank you, Cole. I can't even begin to explain what this means to me.”

They both nodded and Nina loosened her grip to let her hand fall to the side. She could feel her body tighten again and turn back to the emotionless statue. However, no matter how dull she felt, Nina felt better after that short time with him than she had in years.

“Can I ask a question?” Cole looked back to her, not waiting for her response as he began fidgeting beside her. “How do you know me?”

  
The look of utter confusion on the boy’s face had her wanting to laugh again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say Thank You to all of you. 
> 
> The support has not only made me want to keep writing but has sparked my creative side into action after years lying dormant. 
> 
> Since I started writing this I have written more poetry, painted more things, and even danced more than I have in at least a decade. 
> 
> Writing this fic has brought me back to life in so many ways. 
> 
>  
> 
> *nervous cough* 
> 
> Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, let's get to it. 
> 
> I'm going to keep updating on Thursdays (hopefully) until I have a surplus of chapters again. I just get SO excited to share with you all that's it's going to be hard only posting once a week. I'm still finding my groove though, so I think it will work for the better. 
> 
> As always, you guys are awesome! :-)


	32. Stargazing

 

 

“Can I ask a question?” Cole looked back to her, not waiting for her response as he began fidgeting beside her. “How do you know me?” 

After bring down her inner giggle, Nina looked around the tent she was currently occupying to see who could have heard them. There was one healer laying on a cot not far from her, but the poor woman looked exhausted and wasn't likely to wake anytime soon. It was obviously quite late - or early - given the lack of light and the snores she could hear from even outside her tent. 

She looked back to Cole and wondered if he could be trusted with her secret. Nina had told all of the spirits that surround her already, but they had been sworn to secrecy. Cole, however, had a tendency to speak whatever was on people's minds without thinking about it first, so if she didn't tell him it might slip out later anyway. There wasn't going to be much of a choice in the matter. But there were still too many people around to feel comfortable speaking about it. 

“Can I tell you later, Cole?” When he nodded she shifted to try and sit upright. 

“You should stay in bed,” Cole replied after standing to give her room. 

“I should,” she replied while attempting to stand with him. 

“They won't be happy.”

“No.” When Cole just looked at her confused she continued, “I have already been laying down too long. If I do not move some my muscles will start to atrophy.” 

She started to lift up and Cole brought his hands forward to catch her as she wobbled. This caused her to shrink back slightly and fall back onto the cot. 

“Cole,”she sighed internally. “I just got myself back together. If you touch me again so soon...I may not be able to let you go this time,” she tried to convey her thoughts to him hoping he would understand why she couldn't afford another breakdown.

Once in awhile would be fine, but becoming dependant on it would just make it far worse than the day-to-day living she'd already become accustomed to. 

“Okay.”

“Thank you, Cole,” she replied, but when she looked up he was gone.

Nina finally stood. Her muscles and joints protested with every move she made. Audible snaps and pops accompanied every step she took.  _ ‘Maker. How long was I out for this time?’  _ she asked herself. When she made it - agonizingly slow as it was- to the tent entrance she was welcomed by an all too familiar sight of stone and courtyards...Skyhold. 

_ ‘Damn it! I missed it.’  _

Nina found herself surrounded by other tents in the lower courtyard. The causeway was still in rubble, blocking the entrance to the barn, and guards were posted near the closed front gates. Cullen’s field table was exactly where she remembered it being, but he wasn't there.  _ ‘I guess that answers if he ever sleeps,’  _ she mused.

It seemed to be quite early giving the fact that the only ones up were her and the guards, but that would make her climb up to the next courtyard slightly less embarrassing. 

Nina paused catching her breath after a few stair steps, trying to coax her muscles to keep going, but they were having none of it. She stopped to sit about halfway up, unable to go any further for the moment. She leaned against the cool, stone wall and let her head fall back to look at the sky. The night was clear, and here the green from the Breach didn't overpower the light from the stars. And they were out in spectacular fashion. 

It was amazing how stars could look the same and not on a whole different world. None of her favorite constellation were here. Orion, the hunter and lover, accidently killed and then preserved in the Heavens with his faithful hound to keep him company. Cassiopeia, the cursed Ethiopian queen, set in the Heavens by Neptune as punishment to spend half of her days upside down while she was bound upon her throne. Even the simple Big Dipper wasn't there for her to see. 

She had spent so many nights on Earth just watching them, or telling her brothers and friends the stories behind them. Nina always had a fascination with them and the mythology surrounding them. Truthfully, all mythology caught her interest. Which was the reason she had so willingly left her home to go to Greece. Not only for the art...but the history and culture. 

When she arrived in Thedas she had tried to find something similar in the new constellations she saw, but it all left a bitter taste in her mouth. It wasn't until much, much later that she came to appreciate them for a fraction of what she used to. 

Nina had been so lost in thought that she didn't hear the sounds of someone behind her until they were standing on the step above her and spoke, “It's a little chilly to be out here stargazing, Wildfire.” Varric came to sit beside her while she turned to look at him.

“I honestly did not realise it was cold,” she just noticed the thin layer of frost that coated the ground in the morning chill. “I thought it was spring… Please do not tell me I slept until winter.” Nina knew she hadn't, but the chuckle that came from Varric was worth it. 

“Nah, only about two weeks,” his smile fell as he continued, “It's been...an interesting two weeks though.”

The pause had her worried. Had she fucked something up with her planning? There were so many things that could have gone so very wrong.

“Would you care to elaborate for those who have had a overlong napping session?” she tried for levity, but it fell just about as flat as her voice. 

“I guess you haven't heard yet, huh?” he sighed. 

“Heard what?”

Varric sat and told Nina an only slightly exaggerated retelling about the fall of Haven. Red Templars, Corypheus, and an archdemon. She had already guessed Cullen had taken her out of the Chantry, but was surprised to hear he had continued to check on her ever since then. What was even odder is how Jayson made it to the camp. He was still half frozen, but he had nearly no bad cuts or bruises. Nothing was broken or dislocated. Apparently her extra supply of potions had helped far more than she had expected it to. He even walked into camp on his own before he collapsed from exhaustion and cold. 

Then Varric got to Skyhold and how Solas practically lead them here. 

Nina was glad Varric took the time to inform her about everything. It would make it easier if someone tried to challenge her on her knowledge of events in most cases anyway. 

Nina sat and looked out past the iron bars of the gate when he went silent. “That is a rather large amount of information to take in,” she paused to think about her next words, but nothing seemed to come out. She knew it had been coming but was spared actually seeing it first hand like all of them. She could and couldn't sympathize with them on several different levels that left her head spinning trying to think about. 

Varric waved her off, “I'm sure it will take time to soak in,” he turned to look at her then. “Though I'm glad to see you returned to the land of the living, it's too cold to sit out here much longer. Wanna come up to the main hall? I have a nice warm fire waiting for us there.” He said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

“I did not sit down just to watch the stars, Varric. I have found myself unable to go any further up,” she wiggled her toes and bent her knees, but  they just felt like pudding. “I am even wondering if I can make it down now.”

“That's what the cavalry is for,” he smiled and the look in his eyes made Nina slightly uneasy. “Hey, Herald! Think you could give the lady a hand?”

Nina turned to look at a very tired looking Jayson standing behind them. He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed and looked to be sleeping where he stood. 

“Have you been there this whole time?” Nina asked hoping the answer was no. If it wasn't she really needed to start paying more attention to her surroundings.

“Yes,” Jayson sighed. “Cole seemed a little over excited when he came to tell me you needed help.”

“I did not send him for help. I thought I could make it on my own.”

“Oh, I gathered that,” he replied. “I wouldn't put anything passed your stubborn ass.” They both enjoyed a chuckle at that. 

“Would someone mind helping me up? I might be able to walk with help.”

Jayson stepped forward and offered and arm. She took it and un-gracefully stood, teetered and nearly fell before Jayson scooping her up under the legs. 

“You are not walking anywhere. You, dear sister, are going back to bed.” She was about to protest. "It's still three hours before dawn, Nina. All the sane people are asleep."

As Varric turned to leave he spoke over his shoulder. “I'll leave a note for the healer, so they don't freak out when they wake up.”

Jayson started up the stairs instead of down, and had Nina in the main hall before she even registered what was going on.

“Firstly, I must state for future reference, I do not like being carried. However, this is not the time for that,” Nina said quickly as Jayson looked down at her. She could just tell by the look in his eyes that he was willing to drop her on her ass if she protested. “Secondly, where are you taking me?”

“Bed.”

“Am I going to get anymore information?”

“No,” he smiled at her as he continued to carry her through Skyhold. 

  
Nina hadn't realised how tired she truly was until she blinked and her eyelids refused to open again. The warmth Jayson put off was such a soothing comfort compared to the cold of the steps she had been sitting on. She didn't expect she would be able to actually sleep anymore tonight, but just the thought of possibly lying in an  _ actual _ bed sounded heavenly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! 
> 
> Whatever you celebrate or don't, I just hope you all find some happiness during this time of year. Even if you don't give gifts to anyone, give someone a hug. It can be just as effective as a present any day. :-)
> 
> P.S. once the holidays are over, there will be more art to add to the story. I know it's been lacking for awhile. I decided to make all my presents this year and I haven't had a chance to do anything for this in the creative craze I've found myself in.


	33. Chapter 33

 

 

Nina’s eyes fluttered open, and after a moment of confusion, she remembered what had happened the night before. She hadn't expected to sleep anymore but she had. However long it had been, she still felt lighter today than she had in years.

Nina could feel the warm sheets surrounding her and the softness of the bed. She tried to remember the last time she had actually slept in a bed instead of a cot. It had been a while, and as much as she wanted to wrap up and take advantage of it, Nina knew she couldn't lay around all day. Especially after having been down for so long. She needed to move.

She woke staring at the wall, so she shifted to turn over and was surprised to see Jayson sitting in a wooden chair at a small desk in the corner of the room with his back to her.

The room itself was cozy and warm, despite the lack of a fire place. Maybe that was just because she was so used to sleeping in a tent. There was another bed there and it looked slept in. ‘ _Did he take me to his room?’_ Nina mused as she continued to gain her bearings. There was one small window with the glass intact in the center of the wall between both of the beds.

Jayson turned to look at her as Nina went to push herself up.

“Hey there sleepy head,” he smiled.

“Hello.”

“I was wondering when you would wake up,” he smiled.

“Which time?”

Jayson sighed, “Both actually. You were out longer this time and honestly...you had a lot of us worried.”

“I am sorry. If I had control of it then I would not do it again but, as it is, I cannot.”

Jayson stood and walked to sit on the edge of her bed, “Why was it so bad this time?” There was a sadness behind his eyes she hadn't ever seen from him and it left her at a loss for words.

He hugged her then. Fully wrapping his arms around her. Which thoroughly made Nina uncomfortable, but she realized it was out of affection and not malice or ulterior motives and let it happen.

“You're starting to waste away, Nina,” he squeezed her tighter. “I mean...you were already skinny, but this is taking it to a whole new level. I'm going to have to fatten you up.”

Nina could tell he was trying to lighten the mood... even if it was poorly executed. “I just finished that new dress as well. It is unfortunate that I never had the chance to wear it when it fit properly.”

He smiled at her as he pulled away. “I'll go grab us some food.”

“I can go. I need to move anyway,” she went to uncover and Jayson stopped her.

“No. You are not to leave this room. If you want to walk...do so here. There are plenty soft surfaces to land on if you fall.”

“You cannot keep me captive,” she seriously wanted to scowl at him.

“I'm not. The only way down is by stairs and after your poor attempt last night I wouldn't suggest you try again,” Jayson opened the door and left before she could argue further.

_‘Fuck! Why is it always stairs?’_

She got out of bed anyway. Her stubborn pride wasn't going to let her stay in bed any longer than was necessary. She had been able to survive on her own for awhile and the idea of being reliant on others chafed at her.

Although she felt better than she had in forever, her body still protested. She wobbled to the door and opened it. Nina propped up against the door frame and used it to lean out slightly.

There was a hallway that looked completely unfamiliar to her. Doors sprouted off to either side of the hall. Most of them had the doors open to let natural light shine throughout and torches were unlit along the walls between. There were indeed stairs on the far ends of the hall. One set going up and one down. The more Nina looked around the more she realized that the stairs going up was the way to the Inquisitor’s room. Obviously this was the floor above Josephine’s office and the area higher ups would be staying once here everything got cleaned up.

They had only been in Skyhold for a week after all. And it was clear that everything had been scraped together and hastily cleaned to provide sleeping areas.

Nina turned back into the room, her wanderlust nowhere near sated but on hold for the moment until she felt stronger. She made her way to the desk Jayson had been when she woke. She sat and picked up a book still lying open, hoping for some entertainment, only to find it written in Orlesian.

 _‘So much for that,’_ she sighed. _‘What I wouldn't give for some of my old books.”_

David Eddings, J.K. Rowling, Tolkien, G.R.R. Martin, Jim Butcher...hell she would even take an Anne Rice book right now. There were so many stories she would never read again. Favorites and classics that were only left to play out in her day dreams. The worst part of it all though was the fact she had no one to talk about them with.

How does one explain the fantastical world of wizards when they are literally surrounded by magic? Or about a blue diamond that started wars and shook the world when there was literally an elvhen orb that did just that? Elves...mystery...betrayals...gods...all here and none of it the same. Luckily there weren't vampires. Closest thing they had were darkspawn and they are more like hive minded zombies...or people who took the term blood magic a little too far.

Nina was pulled from her thoughts when she turned to the Orlesian book back down and noticed a sketchbook that had been hidden under papers. Her blood ran cold when she noticed it was hers….noticed it was open...noticed it clearly showed the torches of an approaching army coming over the mountains.

That image had haunted her. Kept her awake several nights before Haven fell. The only thing she could do to stop obsessing about damn image was to put it down on paper...and now it was going to bite her in the ass.

Nina tried to think on how he had gotten it when it clicked. Haven, the Chantry, Cole, and her bag of potions.

_‘Fuck!’_

Jayson walked into the room, arms loaded with a tray of food. When he saw her sitting there his smile faltered. “I was hoping to put this off a little longer, but...we need to talk about that,” Jayson said as he put the food down on the foot of her bed.

All she could do was stare at him while her brain skidded to a stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We can all agree that my posting schedule is all out of wack, but I can still guarantee you will get at least one chapter a week. 
> 
> Hope all you guys have a Happy New Year. May 2017 be nicer to everyone than the year that must not be named was. :D


	34. I'm Not Crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! First chapter of 2017! Woot! Also the longest one posted so far. Double woot!

 

 

Nina was confused. Jayson was so calm. Too calm and that made it worse. She had drawn that weeks ago, before she blacked out. That was why she was so careful to keep the drawings so close to her. 

He had clearly seen it before she woke up. And yet...he still hugged her and brought her food. 

Was he just being nice before he struck the blow? Was he going to out her to the others? What if he already had? Was Leliana waiting to integrate her and that was the reason he didn't want her to leave the room...out of some weird sense of protection? 

Her heart rate sped up and she started to feel the edge of panic. After so many years of being able to at least control her fear, why was she doing so much worse at calming herself?

_ ‘Fuck...fuck fuck,’  _ “Fuck!” The last came out of her mouth and she quickly clasped her hand over it. She turned to see Cole standing next to her with his hand on her shoulder. “Cole! A little warning next time, please.”

“I'm sorry,” he went to pull his hand away and Nina stopped him by putting her hand over his. “You can't go back yet. It isn't safe.”

“I know,” Nina patted his hand. She smiled weakly at him and he did so in return. She could feel everything trying to bubble up again, but she took a few deep breathes to calm down. Meditation had become a key factor in keeping everything at bay, but with everything going on since the Inquisition formed Nina hadn't had a chance to do it much, and it showed with her  _ many _ blackouts.

When she opened her eyes she saw Jayson wide eyed and looking between her and Cole. “He's helping. He gets to stay,” she shrugged awkwardly. “Besides I told him I would let him know some things anyway.”

“What is he doing?” Jayson stood up and walked over to them. He looked into her eyes, like he had done so many times before, but this time it was followed with a smile. 

“Cole is a spirit, if you haven't figured that out by now. As long as he is touching me, he is reconnecting my mind to the Fade. I'm not sure how it all works honestly. I'm sure it's something Solas and Dorian can figure out though.”

“So...he has...what? Fixed you?”

“Oh no,” she waved a hand at him. “If he lets go I'm back to being Tranquil.” 

He turned to Cole, “Don't let go. This will be easier if I can actually talk to her without her freaking.”

“I don't need to stay like this for long, Jayson. It makes it harder,” her eyes pleaded with him as they made contact again. 

“What do you mean harder?” Jayson’s eyebrows furrowed as a frown played at the corners of his mouth.

Nina sighed trying to figure out how to explain it. “It's like...like being locked in a dark room for a very long time, then a light shines through a crack. It's bright. Too bright at first and you shy away, but as your eyes adjust you go towards it. Relishing in the hope you can see more than just light behind it. If you get too used to the light when it goes out again you will go insane trying to bring it back.”

“That sounds horrible and terrifying,” he shuddered. “I'll make it quick then.”

Jayson went to sit back on the bed and patted next to him, gesturing to the food with the other. Nina stood and slowly walked to sit beside him - her legs weak from nervousness now more than under use - and waited for the questioning to start. Cole sort of perched on the bed behind her quietly.

“I'm going to start with the hard questions. You okay with that?”

Nina nodded, “Yes, but...only if I get to ask some of my own,” she raised an eyebrow.

“Okay,” Jayson sighed. “ Are you working for the Templars?” he asked but it was almost without any concern the answer would be yes. 

“Not just no, but fuck no! Why would I want to help them? After everything they've put me through do you honestly think I would do anything for them? Especially the red ones?” 

He put his hands up defensively, “Alright, alright. I had to ask.” He took a moment to think of the next question. “Are you a seer? I thought you said you weren't a mage.”

“I'm not and, honestly, do I look like I came from Rivian?”

He sighed, “No. Fair enough,” he paused and Nina could tell the big question was coming. She fought off a new wave of fear that etched through her. “How did you know they were coming?”

“The same way you did. Ser Barris told us,” she replied smoothly. Hoping it would be enough to postpone this line of questioning.

He gave her a flat look, “Don't lie, Nina. You started planning the escape before Barris even made it to Haven. Before we even had the Breach sealed.”

She frowned, thinking back. “When did you suspect something?” she countered.

“That's easy. The moment you asked to help.” He answer while he tossed a piece of bread into his mouth.

“Really?”

“Question for question, Nina. Answer mine.”

She could tell she was losing his trust the more she tried to dodge, and steeled herself for the inevitable. Nina knew the whole coming from another world in which this one was fiction was a bit of a pill to swallow. She really didn't want to go through that conversation again. The last time didn't go so well and she didn't want a repeat. 

Nina grabbed a piece of bread just to have something to keep her hands occupied. She wanted to tell him...them, but she was frightened. Frightened they would turn on her. That they would force her knowledge out of her. She had already seen that the timeline could be changed and quite easily if it only took a letter. If they knew everything, it could doom the world.

Cole’s soft voice echoed from behind her and Nina gave in to the spirit's words as they were pulled from her. “Plagued by worry. Lamenting in loss. Will I still be a friend...a sister? Or will torture and pain be all that's left?” Tears started forming in her eyes and she fought to keep them from falling. 

Jayson reached his hand over and put it on her knee. She flinched with the contact and kept her head down. “Listen, Nina. We all have secrets and pasts we don't want to talk about. I'm not trying to pry it out of you if you don't want to tell me, but...I need to know that whatever is going on isn't going to hurt the Inquisition. If it helps...I won't speak of what you tell me outside of this room until you say otherwise.”

Nina raised her watering eyes to see if he was serious. The calm, beseeching face that looked back at her broke her and the tears fell to leave tracks down her cheeks. 

“Maker, you have no idea...how grateful I am to hear that,” Nina smiled at him while he reached forward to wipe away her tears. She didn't flinch this time. 

“It can't be that bad,” he said with a raised eyebrow and a small chuckle.

“It can if you don't believe me,” she sighed. “Just promise me you will listen to what I have to say before you laugh at me, okay?”

“Um..okay,” he replied reluctantly. Jayson settled in and turned to her fully, legs crossed on the bed as he reached for some of the sliced meat on the tray to go with his bread. 

She huffed out a breath. “Okay,” she ran her hands through her hair to collect herself further.  _ ‘It's going to sound ridiculous no matter how you say it, Nina.’  _

“I'm...I'm not from here...Thedas...this world. Where I'm from these events were written as fiction. Just another story to read,” Nina didn't look up to see the look on his face, but she knew it was somewhere between confused and uncertain. She plowed onward anyway. “The stories covered the Fifth Blight and the Hero of Ferelden, Hawke and Kirkwall, the Inquisition, and everything of import between.”

Nina took a breath and, in her pause, she was hoping to hear him say something, but it stayed eerily quiet, and nothing but their breaths echoed in the room. “After a time they created interactive games from the stories and a person could put themselves within the life of the Heroes. Pretending to save a world, but all from the safety of your home.”

Nina felt the bed shift as Jayson stood and she could see him pacing. He still hadn't spoken and her nerves were stretched as thin as they would allow. She watched as he walked to her sketchbook still sitting open on the desk and started flipping through the pages. Nina didn't know what he'd expected to find since it only had the things since the Breach, but soon he stopped on a specific page. “Tell me about Redcliffe.”

In that instant she knew which picture he had found. Red Lyrium clinging to castle walls. So she told him about the future he had been sent to until he waved her off. “Andraste’s ass, how can you know that and make this seem so believable?” he rubbed his hands down his face and kept one over his eyes. 

“Because it's true,” Nina sighed. “I understand it sounds crazy, and you don't have to believe me, but it is the truth. As much as I wish it wasn't.” 

“How did you end up here?” he asked finally turning to look at her. 

“I was sent. I was told the stories were created to teach people about this world, and...as it turns out...events that unfold here could very well destroy my world as it can this one.”

“Sent? By who?”

That was a question she was nowhere near answering yet. “That is a much bigger story...that I will be glad to tell you later...but I need to know if you still think I'm a danger. I can't tell you everything now. It might change too much and that's the reason I haven't said anything before. I  _ need _ to know you aren't going to say anything to the others.” 

Their eyes locked and she was silently pleading with him to keep his promise. “I'm going to need more if you want me to believe you aren't crazy, but...at the moment I don't think you will harm anyone. I don't see why anyone else should know.”

She stood from the bed, Cole surprisingly still able to keep contact with her, and she walked awkwardly towards him. “Thank you,” she opened her arms to offer a hug. She used to be such a huggy person and she hoped it may settle some things between them. Jayson didn't hesitate to pull her into a tight embrace, nearly pressing the air from her lungs. When he picked her up easily an idea popped in her head. 

She didn't want to ruin the surprise, but she could at least make a vague reference to him becoming Inquisitor that he wouldn't get until it was time. That and it might go a long way to proving her sanity. “I'm glad you are so strong for a rogue. It will come in handy when wielding stupidly large swords.” He sat her down as his eyebrows furrowed. She just patted him on the arm, “You'll see.”

“Riiight,” he rolled his eyes.

  
“Okay, Cole,” Nina turned to look over her shoulder at the spirit and they both nodded in understanding. “It's time,” she steeled herself against the lack of emotions she was about to face again. “Once more into the darkness.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you guys are awesome. And I thank you for your support. Honestly, it is still amazing that you all actually want to read what I'm writing and every time I see a new hit or kudo I can't help but smile.


	35. Revelations & Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo....Hi again *waves* 
> 
> I tried writing this from seven different POVs and I couldn't make them work on their own. So I took three and pieced them together. 
> 
> Have fun with that. :-)

Nina’s POV

 

She had managed to slip out of the room unnoticed by any of the workers on the floor. There had been a flood of masons and woodworkers taking measurements and repairing rooms for the last three days and it had halted her roaming about, practically confining her to her shared room. Nina had grown restless and her pacing wasn't helping as much as truly stretching her legs around Skyhold would. 

Nina wanted to see people. Talk to people. See someone other than Jayson asleep, since he fell into bed as soon as he came to the room, or the servant that brought food to her twice a day. 

She slowly made her way down the stairs. Still much slower than she'd like but she didn't feel the need to sit once she reached the bottom. As Nina peeked her head out into the main hall it was still in disarray but nowhere near the the amount of debris she had been expecting after only a week. The bulk of the work still seemed to be on living quarters since there were no workers currently buzzing about the hall. 

Nina had made it to the main door when she noticed a rather large group starting to make their way down to the lower courtyard, trying to look busy, and Leliana making her way to the landing with a conspicuously large box. Deciding another direction was better than proceeding forward, Nina detoured towards the rotunda to hopefully watch from the broken causeway and completely away from the crowds of people. 

By the time she made it outside her legs had started to protest her wanderings. The chill hit her when the wind blew through the open area and had her shivering and pulling her arms to her body. She had been so wrapped up in covers or inside lately that she completely forgot it still felt like winter here. Nina found a spot near the rotunda to try and help block some of the wind. Some of the stone on the side rail had fallen away leaving it shorter than the normal thigh high stone. Nina sat there and gathered her mantle closer to her face to keep out the rest of the chill as she leaned against the stone. It was undoubtedly cold, as were the stone underneath her, but she could endure it if it gave her legs a reprieve. 

The thought of what would happen if Jayson denied taking the leadership role quickly passed through her mind, but it was quickly shoved aside when she saw him walking with Cassandra in the lower courtyard. He was a good guy and even if he didn't want the position Nina knew he would take it anyway with the fate of the world in the balance. 

  
  


Solas’ POV

 

Solas was in the library browsing for anything of interest since he had read through all his books when he heard the door downstairs open and close. He leaned over the balcony, book in one hand and an apple in the other, and saw Nina walking across the room. He nearly had to do a double take when he realised who it was. 

Solas tried to think back on the last time he had seen her let alone talk to her. It had only been two..three weeks. He had been too preoccupied with Haven and Tarasyl'an Te'las to check on her let alone know she had woken up. The last time he had even seen her was while they were traveling, her unconscious form piled under furs in the back of a wagon. His gut twisted when he realised that things had obviously turned worse for the woman in his absence. Especially when the words of his promise to help her echoed in his mind.

The green dress he had become used to seeing her in was loose and baggy. The sleeves that were once snug hung down and left gaps around her wrists, bunching at her elbows. Her figure was buried and undefined under the fabric. Her once bright hair was dull and lacked any life to it. It was nearly straight, as if her hair was even too tired to curl. Solas was certain that if she were not wearing her woolen mantle he would be able to clearly see more of the shocking weight loss she had undergone in such a short time. 

Solas was about to call down to her when she walked to the outer door and closed it behind her. 

The first thought was she was in no condition to be walking alone. His next was to make sure she would be warm out in the winds of the mountain air. Lastly, he worried that she would injure herself on the broken causeway. 

He quickly made his way down to his rotunda and pulled the blanket from the back of his couch while dropping the book, nearly forgotten, from his hand on the cushions. 

Solas nearly made it to the door when he started having doubts. 

_ ‘Will she want to see me?’ _

He had not even once visited her in the Fade since Haven.

_ ‘Will she think I have forgotten my promise?’ _

He could clearly see her struggles just from the quick glimpse of her. 

Solas shook them away and continued outside. Wielding nothing but determination, a promise, and a blanket to maybe soothe the pain he knew he was about to see written on her face. 

  
  


Jayson’s POV

 

The cheering crowd was thunderous. Cullen’s voice was heard over the den of voices cheering and applauding in the lower courtyard of Skyhold. Jayson looked around and couldn't find a single frown and it confounded him. He didn't..couldn't...believe that they would want him to lead the Inquisition. He was just a disowned son of a minor noble that spent way too much time getting into trouble. The only reason he was at the Conclave at all was to see his sister. To make sure she was okay. When he looked out into the crowd and noticed Josephine try to stifle a cheer, Cullen rallying the people, and even Cassandra and Leliana nodding at his side his spine straightened. But when he saw Rhedyn smiling broadly, face beaming with pride, he lifted the sword higher over his head with more conviction than he truly felt. They actually believed he was capable and confidence swelled throughout his being.

The sword was another matter all on its own. When he first saw Leliana standing on the landing with it in her hands his eyes grew wide for multiple reasons. Nina’s words washed over him before they were drowned out by the idea of being Inquisitor. 

Now that the ceremony - which is the only word Jayson could describe it as - was over he and  _ his _ advisors walked up the stairs into the main hall. The others immediately started talking business. There wasn't much he could do at this very moment, but the others were already in a flurry of activity that needed to get done before he could leave again. 

When Jayson was just about to escape the politics and advisors Varric walked up and asked him to meet a friend. 

All he could do was sigh and follow the dwarf. He hadn't even had time to put down the stupidly large sword...or had a chance to talk to Nina about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I've been gone for awhile guys. I had trouble trying to bridges gaps. 
> 
> Sadly, when I finally came up with this idea I had a friend pass away and it killed my creative side for a bit. I've been trying to reel it back in and get excited about writing this, but it still might take time. I can't promise weekly, but I will keep updating.
> 
> There's more excitement and cliff hangers to come. So stick with me for awhile longer.
> 
> Also #4 is close to being revealed!


	36. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, italics show inner monologue.

 

She didn't know how long she had sat out there on the cold stone, or how long it would take Solas to speak. 

Nina had watched Jayson go into the main hall and then promptly leave following Varric towards the battlements. She could see how tired Jayson was even with the curiosity clearly written on his face. And knew there was a world of trouble about to befall one storyteller by the way of a Seeker.

With her arms on the crumbling stone and her head resting on them, Nina could feel Solas’ eyes on her back. She could hear him shifting on his feet. Could almost taste the questions on his lips trying to figure out what to ask her. Without even having to turn to look at him. 

After even more time passed, the silence between them growing even more stifling. She watched the crowd go back to the normal routine and Varric eventually come back to the main hall sans Hawke or Jayson. 

Nina tried to stand only to find her legs refused her.  _ ‘This is getting old,’  _ she thought unhappily.

She sighed internally. There was no help for it. 

“Solas, if you would be so kind, would you help me get up? I seem to not be able to manage on my own.” The cold seeping into her legs and rear were becoming too much or her to handle. 

Nina finally looked back towards him for the first time since she heard him. His eyes were distant, unfocused and….sad. His brow was ever so slightly furrowed. His lips turned down in a frown. It was the most emotion she had seen on his face since his smile in the Fade all those weeks ago. His shoulders slumped like the weight of the world sat on them. And, admittedly, it did. But Nina had to wonder, why now?

He looked every bit the weary, immortal “deity” she knew him to be. Even the blanket he had draped over his arm looked tired. 

_ ‘Wait…’ _

“Solas?” This time his eyes snapped to her with his normal focused clarity. “May I ask why you have a blanket?”

A brief flash of confusion flittered across his face before he looked down and remembered the brown wool covering one of his arms. The tips of his ears flashed pink so quickly Nina thought it was a trick of her eyes.

_ Embarrassment? _

She once took joy in getting any kind of micro-expressions out of him, but now there were too many for her to read in such a short amount of time. It left her confused and, to be honest, dizzy. 

“Ah, yes. I believed you would be cold sitting out here.” His eyes locked back to hers and his normal mask slipped back on. “It is unwise to be out in the cold in your condition.”

She huffed internally wondering if he had even realised how long he had been standing behind her with said blanket and never offered it. “I was just attempting to go back inside when I found my legs have refused me once again. I would appreciate your help in standing.”

Solas didn't say anything. He just nodded and stepped forward, wrapping an arm around her waist to lift her up to her feet. It was a lot of contact. Almost too much. But he kept his hands in appropriate places and didn't seemed phased by their proximity. Very much in healer mode now. 

Once she was vertical he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and ushered her inside. His hand hovering just away from her back, but still close enough she could felt that heat coming from his palm. 

“Sit,” he motioned to the couch once they made their way indoors. 

Nina looked at him for a minute before she gave up and sat on the couch in the rotunda. She had to admit it was a  _ lot _ more comfortable than the stone she had been sitting on.  _ And  _ a lot warmer. She could almost feel her toes again.

He went to look through notes on his desk. “Have you been eating?” he didn't look up from the papers in his hands when he asked. 

_ ‘Yep. Definitely in healer mode.’  _ she mused.

“Yes. Jayson has made sure food has been brought to the room I have been sequestered in.”

His lips dipped slightly. “Have you be exercising? Staying in bed for as long as you have...it would be wise to move around.”

“I have done as much as I could. Walking, stretching. Today was the first day I tried the stairs.”

“It appears you have overtaxed yourself then,” a slight frown appeared. Well, just enough of a downturn to be considered a frown anyway. 

“Yes, however, I had to find my limits before I could know what I was capable of,” she paused long enough to see his face smooth out again. “I was also tired of seeing the same four walls. I believed fresh air would help in recovery.” 

“I see,” he continued to flip the pages in his hand. It almost felt like he was trying to find something else to look at other than her. It made her more self conscious and she reached up to brush her parted bangs back over the brand on her forehead. Her fingers made brief contact with the lyrium and she could feel her insides shiver. Nina had lived with this for so long, but she never got used to actually feeling it there. It was just another glaring reminder of what she went through. She didn't need the reminder of fear and pain and torture that haunted her steps. All she had to do was close her eyes and the bright, vivid memories would flash unbidden in her mind. Even more so recently. 

Nina was so lost in thought that she hadn't heard Solas continue speaking or moving in front of her until he was crouching on his heels to peer up at her downturned face. 

“Nina,” hearing her named snapped her out of her spiraling thoughts. He was close enough to see the light freckles scattered over his cheekbones and nose and the worry swirling in his eyes. His lips were set into a thin line and his brows furrowed.

Before she could get lost again he spoke, “Have you been sleeping?”

She closed her eyes and breathed. Lying would do no good. Jayson had commented on her drawn face and unwelcome dark circles too many times for her, or anyone else, to know it was clear she hadn't been. 

“No...I have tried, but the uncomfortableness in the Fade has gotten worse. I can feel it trying to pull me under nearly as soon as I fall asleep,” she paused to breathe. Her skin felt tight and her lungs constricted. Just thinking about the Fade and the drowning sensation she felt was scaring her. “It...is frightening.”

Cole appeared beside her on the couch and went to reach for her, but he stilled before he could touch her.  _ ‘No,’  _ she thought. 

“Why? I want to help. You know I can,” he looked so utterly confused and that was enough to have her breathing again as she laughed internally. 

_ ‘Breathe. Calm. Relax.’ _

“I know you can, Cole, but I cannot rely on you.”

_ ‘Breathe. Calm.’ _

“We discussed this already,” she continued when he didn't respond. Nina knew he was still having to be told things repeatedly at times and didn't hold it against him.

His bangs and hat covered the confused look he still undoubtedly had before he looked back to her. Head tilted to the side like a cat or curious child. “Yes. A light in the dark.” 

_ ‘Breathe.’ _

Cole turned to Solas then, who in their conversation had stood and looked between the two of them. “I help when it's too much.”

Solas looked to her with a fist pressed to the underside on his chin. His other arm crossed to prop it up. Gears turning and puzzling out what he meant before she could even figure out how to explain it. “This is…As a spirit Cole is tied to the Fade and is capable of bridging the gap. As you explained was necessary. However, it doesn't seem to be a full enough connection to reverse your Tranquility.” 

He moved back to his desk long enough to write notes down as he continued to muse out loud. “The barrier around you seems to be preventing a full connection.”

_ ‘Breathe.’ _

“How many times has he...helped?” Solas questioned.

“Twice.”

_ ‘Breathe.’ _

“I suspect he is finding the small openings that's been releasing your emotions into the Fade and widening them just enough to relieve the pressure.”

Cole practically vibrated next to her. “Yes!”

_ ‘Breathe.’ _

“With concentrated effort he could widen it to allow a spirit on the other side to contact your sleeping mind.”

_ ‘Breathe damnit.’ _

“Reversing it. Realising you!” Cole was smiling brilliantly when he turned back to her.

_ ‘Oh dear God, breathe!’ _

Nina’s head was spinning. She didn't know what to feel. Elated. Scared. Hopeful. It was a plan. More of a plan than she ever would have come up with on her own. 

Two spirits. One in the waking and one in dreaming. Was that all she needed? Could it really be that simple? She just needed them to do it at the same time, in tandem? 

Her joy was short lived, however. 

The Fade wasn't safe around her. With the amount of red lyrium even Hope and Justice had been keeping their distance. She knew it made them uncomfortable and could twist them against their purpose. Even if lyrium didn't affect them, the wrongness of the red would surely harm them.

“They would help anyway,” Cole said, from his perch beside her on the couch, trying to reassure her. He reached to touch her again, but instead just said,  “Breathe.”

_ ‘Breathe,’ _

“No, I cannot risk them getting hurt. We will need to take care of some of the red lyrium in the Gallows before I would risk it.”

Solas came to stand in front of her again. “We do not have the time to waste, Nina. Surely you see the need for urgency.” 

_ ‘Breathe.’ _

“Yes, but with the red lyrium twisting the Fade it would harm me as much if not more than the spirits. It is not a risk I am willing to take. I have waited this long. I can wait a little longer.” Solas still didn't seem willing to relent. Even if his mask was carefully in place the questioning in his eyes when he looked to her was proof enough that he was wanting to try dissuade her decision. He never could keep his true intent from the depths of his eyes.

_ ‘Breathe,’ _

“It is not safe. We should not dive into this blind,” Nina paused long enough to sort out her words. “If it does succeed, the barrier would fall. The amount of emotions released would draw in demons and even if the red lyrium did not consume me first, they would do so before I had a chance of waking.”

Solas huffed,  _ “When  _ it does succeed and the barrier drops your mind should return to your body's location. Pulling you away from the Gallows.”

“Are you positive? Absolutely?”

Solas started pacing. The roundness of the rotunda seemed perfectly suited for it. She watched him until her focus was pulled to the beginning of the first of his murals. It wasn't more than thick guiding lines. Outlining where the vibrant colors were to be placed. She could nearly picture the oranges and golds that would soon fill it. 

And oddly that calmed her and steeled her resolve more. Nina started to formulate a plan before Solas had even stopped, shoulders slumping slightly forward. 

“I will need time of think on the matter,” Solas said, turning to her once more. “But I still advise we not take too long. Soon the effects from the lyrium and the lack of sleep will outweigh the possible complications that could arise.”

“Fair,” Nina stood, only slightly swaying. “Then I leave you to it.” Slowing making her way towards the door to the main hall. Before she could make it far, Solas was already by her side, reaching to grab her arm as she swayed again.

“No. I will walk with you. You are in no condition to wander alone,” she just looked at him flatly. “You were the one who confessed to overdoing it, did you not?”

She sighed internally. “Yes, but I am not going far. Only to speak to Varric just outside the door.”

He put his hands behind his back and nodded as if giving up his pursuit. “And after?”

“Back to my room.”

“Then I will accompany you to make sure you make it up the stairs. We would not want your weak legs giving out halfway up.” There was an amused glint in his eyes. 

_ ‘This has been a weird day.’  _ Nina thought a she continued to witness an overly emotionally open Solas standing beside her. 

Cole came up to her other side before she could respond. “I like Varric. Can I come too?”

Nina just looked back to the door resigned. “Yes, Cole, you can come too.”

She looked towards Solas one more time before walking out. He was looking smug. 

_ ‘So. fucking. weird.’ _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not liking the pattern 2017 is holding for me atm.
> 
> *sigh* I lost a friend in January and then another in March. Both to car accidents. Both could have been easily avoided if the people that hit them (head on) would have been paying attention. 
> 
> So, you guys, be safe. Pay attention to the other drivers and cyclists around you. Don't text or speed.
> 
> I really don't want to lose another in May. 
> 
> And just so I don't leave you guys on another sad note....next chapter is the revealing #4. So...Yay!


	37. Hint of the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. *waves* 
> 
> I'm not dead.

She stood there watching as they entered.

Nina had been speaking with Varric as he continued reading and writing letters. Trying to come up with a comfortable way to bring up the Gallows and the spread of the red lyrium infecting the place. Hoping he would know about Kirkwalls reconstruction efforts, or the efforts to remove the lyrium.

That's when they walked in the the main hall and her mouth went dry.

Three men. Changing the world with their decisions. One that will. One that has. And one that shook the world in his wake.

Jayson saw her immediately, making uncomfortable eye contact with her. He looked like a man on a mission. A small frown set on his face when he noticed she was not resting. The other two had their hoods drawn. Trying to hide who they were.

But she knew.

Walking towards the table she, Varric and Solas stood next to, Jayson called out her name disapprovingly.

“Nina, why are you out of bed?”

She didn't speak. She knew this was coming and squared her shoulders. Her eyes slowly scanned to the third figure following behind the others. Her eyes locked in place as they came closer.

At her name, he looked up and saw her. Recognition sparking in his eyes.

Pulling his hood back to get a better look at her, he rushed towards her in four quick steps. Embracing her in a bone jarring hug. Like a man starving for breathe and only she could save him.

He looked the same... but different. The years they had been apart had been rough on him. He'd grown a beard. Thick but wiry light brown hair stuck to his once clean face. Unkempt and unmanaged. His hair pulled up in a low ponytail. Dulled but dirt. Even his eyes that were now looking at her seemed different, but still the same blue she remembered. Only more sunken and clouded with dark memories that would forever follow him.

Nina could see Solas tense at this new comer. His hands came from behind his back and his feet shifted apart.

And Varric stopped writing, mouth open, staring. Quill dropping from his hand onto the letter he'd been writing. Forgotten.

“Blondie?” was all Varric could get out before Hawke pulled Anders away from her. Breaking the struggling hold he had on her.

“Andres! Are you daft? We are suppose to be hiding,” Hawke hissed just loud enough for the group to hear.

But he hadn't heard. Hadn't taken his eyes off her. Placing his hand on her cheeks, he stared deeper into her eyes. His grip keeping her from looking away, even if she had wanted to. And that's when he finally noticed the brand still blazed on her forehead.

“You said they would help you…” he said. She couldn't tell if it was a question, a statement or an apology. And oh how much did he need to apologize for.

She still hadn't spoken, hadn't moved, hadn't tried to look away. Her emotions spun as she tried to cling to one. Any of them to make her move or speak. But they wouldn't stop spinning. Like a marry-go-round on steroids.

Right as she began to feel overwhelmed, the pressure of a hand landed on her shoulder and her eyes danced to life.

Cole.

She'd forgotten he'd come along to talk to Varric.

And in the span of a moment. As quick as a blink, Nina knew anger had won out over all the others.

Her fist coiled and arm reared back. The sound of her fist connecting with his jaw didn't make a snap, or a crack, or a whipping sound….but damn it felt good as he stumbled backwards. Finally letting go of her as he fell.

“Don't,” was all she said. Then turned, nodding to Cole, and walked away towards the steps that would lead to her room.

She hadn't forgiven him for leaving.

Nothing but a note beside her pillow.

She needed sleep. Desperately. And she didn't care if it swallowed her whole this time.

She barely even noticed Solas following behind her. She could barely feel the heat coming from his hands as he helped her up the stairs. She didn't recall him opening the door to her room and helping her into bed.

She did however notice he placed wards around her door before he left.

But the dreamless sleep she had been aching for did not find her. Only the nightmares she had been trying to keep at bay.

 

Solas POV

He closed the door to her quarters. Sighing loudly and pinching the bridge of his nose. The new comer, Anders, is going to make Nina’s condition worse.

He knew where she stood on the matter, but he didn't think she could survive much longer in this state.

He needed to speak with Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... it's been a year. *chuckles nervously*
> 
> I know. I know. I'm horrible. But life has a way of punching you in the face sometimes and it takes awhile to get back up. 
> 
> Kinda like Anders there. Lol
> 
> Anyway. I won't guarentee update times, but I wanted to give you something. You know...since you waited a whole year for me to get back to you. 
> 
> Also as a heads up there will be some trigger warning stuff coming up. I'm going to change the tags when it happens, but not post it at the top of the chapter.


End file.
